1 Month of New Baby Smell

I had the whole story of your birth all typed out. It was three pages long. But your father closed the window and when asked if he wanted to save the document, he chose the wrong answer.
So let's just look at pictures of you!

Fat Bottomed Babies

Okay, so trying to think of something post-worthy, but really my life is pretty boring. But! I am still growing that other person, and I suppose an update on that is something slightly interesting.
I'm 34 weeks and people are starting to ask what my last day is, and are slightly surprised to see me everyday. I suppose it's been a long pregnancy for them as well.
All vitals are good, I start my weekly doctor appointments next week, and then things might seem a little more real and hey, this will actually happen and maybe soon! Although people telling me that 6 more weeks is no time at all, who aren't pregnant, might get punched in the face. Because everyday is a lifetime, people. Every. Day. And it doesn't matter that I'm not as miserable as last time (yet), just walking around and picking things up off the floor are all trials, and trials aren't fun.
Little boy is kicking and squirming and staying active and stretching into my vital organs and rib cage, but apparently there isn't much room left. According to webMD, he could be as long as Hayley was when she was born already, he just needs to weigh more and finish lung development, as that's the last thing that babies do, is get ready to breathe.
My sister and I painted Hayley's room so if I can't get a second coat up this weekend, then it's all ready for Hayley to move from the nursery into her princess pink and purple room. It's adorable, hopefully she won't hate it when she's 8 because I'm never painting again. Ever. That was way too much work, now I just need a mattress to put on her bed frame and maybe some sheets to go on said mattress and we're set! Who knew that having another kid took more prep work? Shouldn't it all transfer from the first? I suppose it's because the baby can't sleep in a drawer, even though they are like, the perfect size!
Getting the people at work ready for my absence and people do resist change. I kind of expect to come back to find that they've left all work for me to do for 8 weeks. I wouldn't be surprised.
I think I am a bit of a surprise to people at the gym, it's not often you see someone who is a hugely pregnant on the elliptical sweating it out and hoping that the elastic waistband of my workout pants holds out just a few more weeks. I have to say I'm the only obviously pregnant person I've ever seen at the gym. If only I could afford to not workout and still eat Costco chocolate cake. Man I could go for a slice of that right now!

College Daze

So last night about 9 pm it occurred to me that Monday would also bring the due date for a Stats project that I haven't even thought about. Which made me feel bad for having a weekend where I didn't even think about school, I cleaned, I had friends over we had a pretty lazy Easter where the biggest thing I did was getting the candy in those little plastic eggs.
It's just so silly to think that this is just like high school. Or grade school. How many times did I do that? Just hurry and get something done quickly so that I get a grade? Lucky for me that I could devote my morning to getting the project done and it all worked out and now it's done. But I wonder if maybe it's just that my life so too crazy for me to devote enough time to my homework. I also was freaking out because I didn't know when my Econ paper was due and maybe it was due today as well or last week. Thank goodness it's not due until the end of the month, but I had no idea! There are only 5 weeks left of school and I'm nervous that my GPA is going to suffer from my grades this term. I'm applying for BS programs after this semester so it's important I keep my GPA high or I won't get in, ugh, but I just can't make myself care because I also have to get the nursery painted and the house cleaned and things organized and diapers bought and taking care of the day to day stuff and like taking care of a 3 year old, a 34 year old and myself. It just seems like I can only focus so much energy on each thing. I planned on being pregnant and taking these classes, so it's definitely my own fault, but I'm just starting to get so burned out, I hope that I can stay committed to getting the these classes done and do them well enough that I can maintain my high GPA so that I can get into my bachelors degree with a good start.
That's what I'm thinking about today. That is all.

34 Years of Chewing Paper

Today is dear husband's birthday. I make a big deal out of my daughter but I have a husband as well! I suppose I should try and show some appreciation.

This year has seen you try new things including starting a Masters of Accounting program and deciding that wasn't going to work for you and then looking to small engine repair classes, which are almost finished after the year long program. It's nice to see that your passionate about something. You really love working with the engines and always try and tell me about such and such thing that you fixed. Most of it goes over my head, but I'm glad that you've found something that you enjoy.
Of course now you think that you don't have to help out around the house, just because you work 6 days a week, well, we're going to have to re figure that out.

Now to address the title of this post, since you don't have much about yourself that changes year to year, especially when it comes to how stubborn you are. Case in point:
In elementary school the rule was "students can't chew gum in class" so because you were defiant and stubborn you decided to chew paper instead, so that you weren't actually breaking the rule, just driving your teacher insane. I think you were still sent to the Principal's office and your poor parents were called. How happy they must have been 8 years ago when I agreed to take you off their hands!

Love you,

Wifey

The Third Trimester Scoop

So I didn't really document too well when I was pregnant with my daughter. I thought I did, but myspace has verified that this is not the case. Mostly I talked about eating. I wonder why I gained 25 extra pounds?

Project Baby Boy: So here we are 32 weeks. It's the final countdown. I feel like I'm definitely not ready at this point. The crib is still a toddler bed, the twin bed for the toddler is still in pieces, the cradle is still full of toys and blankets. Although thanks to the kindness of friends and neighbors I have tons of clothes from 0-6 month sizes, and I bought a single crib sheet and a crib bumper, which apparently I didn't have with my daughter, and didn't care if she bumped her head.

This baby is just as active as I recall Hayley was. I'm getting really uncomfortable. I'm measuring about perfect and see the doctor every 2 weeks at this point. I'm not sure how I'm going to get any bigger, but I still have 8 more weeks, although according to Web MD, this kid won't grow much taller, just fatter. Right now the kid should be about 18.5 inches long and weighs just under 4 pounds.
I've been pretty good about continuing to workout and really have only needed to stop running and even walking, even though that's supposedly easy, but always makes my abdomen hurt where as stair stepper, elliptical and step aerobics all seem fine, but I have to really be careful with strength training since just about anything makes my back hurt. Babies are heavy! Lucky for me, but I was not plagued with morning sickness this time and have been trying to eat health(ier) and not just eat bacon cheese fries for lunch every other day. So far I'm several pounds less then where I was with Hayley and several people have said how I don't seem as pregnant as I did last time, which is good, I have really been trying on to "eat for two." But lately, I can't seem to find the motivation to eat well at home. It's way too hard to go to work all day, do homework, take care of a 3 year old and a husband and cook a dinner that includes vegetables. Way too much effort.

But I'm still able to sleep well, when my toddler lets me, she hasn't been sleeping well and it's killing me and makes me wonder if in 8 weeks I'll ever get any sleep. But I'm not being kept awake with heartburn or being uncomfortable, but there is still plenty of time for that I'm sure.
I'm just hoping the next 8 weeks pass quickly, but not so quickly that I haven't gotten anything accomplished.

3.5 Years of Fancypants

(I think maybe I should do more Hayley time lines just to post more, but that's for another day.)

It's been 6 months since you turned 3 but it's everyday that you still amaze me. While you're not putting on much (or any) weight, you seem taller every time I look at you. You also have learned more than I thought you would. You pick up on little things so fast, we can't say anything without you understanding, it's a little unfortunate. Although trying to help you understand about your up and coming baby brother. You think that you also have a baby in your tummy, although you're having a baby sister apparently.

You are still stubborn and opinionated, you want what you want, when you want it. I'm amazed at your coordination and your intelligence. After parent teacher conferences at your preschool I was feeling like an amazing mother, although I think you do teach yourself a lot. I've enjoyed your independence, but I also miss how you used to need me. You just need me to put your easy mac into the the microwave and taste it to make sure it's not too hot and buying you yogurt at the store, since you haven't figured out how to use that little plastic card that buys things yet. That's probably only take a few more months.

I've been making you photo books to keep track of your baby pictures. It's amazing to see how you've grown. Seeing pictures of you as a tiny baby and trying to see if the little girl you are now was in that tiny body. It's also reminding me that I don't take the same amount of pictures anymore. My dad said it's because we've gotten used to you, but I'd like to think it's because you don't change physically as much as you used to. The face I see today will be much the same in a month. Also I'm frustrated with our camera. It's old and doesn't take very good pictures, and as someone you doesn't know how to take good pictures, I need a camera that will do that for me. And has a battery that doesn't die in 30 minutes. Still, just know that it's not that you aren't as cute as you were, it's just the moments we share are less about how cute you look and more about how cute you act.

You've figured out that your mommy and daddy have other names, so it's a trial now to make sure that you call me mommy instead of "Willow" but it's hard to enforce when it makes me giggle when you call me by name. Also it's difficult to force you to come home with me when you beg for "2 more minutes" even though you have no concept of time.

You are already a computer whiz. For Christmas you got a few toddler games to use, but you also know how to use the Internet, at least as much as someone who can't read is able to. If we get you started on YouTube, you can keep yourself entertained for an hour. When one episode or clip of My Little Ponies ends you just click pictures of what you want watch next. Although you also tend to click a lot of ads, but they are attention grabbing.

I'm enjoying this last little time we have before you're not my sole focus. I'm nervous about how you will react, but I think after things settle down, you'll love being a big sister and I think you'll be a big help. I'm loving the hugs and kisses and it makes me so happy that you love so fiercely and so freely. You try and balance it out with tantrums, but it's those rays of sunshine that make this all worth it.

Love you,
Mama

It's like living in an episode of Dora the Explorer

My daughter, she loves TV. She knows all her favorite characters and will ask for shows by name. She wants to watch Deigo, or Dora or Avatar. So lately living with her is like being in an episode of Dora the Explorer. Since it's always "Do you see such and such? Say such and such!" in the little Dora voice. It's really cute, at first, but after the 20th time it's a bit obnoxious. But it's great to see what things she has picked up. The things she says because I say them. She says "sure" to everything, which apparently is something that I do, but never really noticed. Although when I think she's making things up I tend to say "sure" in response to her questions, but mine comes with a degree of sarcasm, which she has not picked up on as of yet.
She can count to 9 in Spanish. I think she learned it at school, but they also count on Dora, right? So maybe the TV taught her that too.
I just wanted to share that.
Also I have 13 weeks before I have a new child and have to deal with both. At the same time. Pray for me. But really it's not going too badly. Yet, being uncomfortable is getting obnoxious though. And gaining weight is killing me, but really, it's also not going to stop me from eating 3 pieces of cake. Okay 4. Shut up about it, okay?

Let's Beat this Idea to Death

The other day while listening to my favorite morning show on the way to work I heard about a new House Bill here in the great of state of procreation.
It says that if you're only driving less then 4 miles from your home and you're not going to be driving faster than 45 miles an hour, You really don't have to put your kids in booster seats.
The phone calls started to pour in. People were either livid about it, or wanted to argue for it.
Apparently the idea behind it, is really for parents who are car pooling. The bill was introduced by a man from Provo with 8 kids. Eight. I'm sure the only way all of his kids in the boosters fit any vehicle is if he's driving a 15 passenger van, but um, don't you kind figure that out before you have 8 kids? I don't have 8 kids and I'm aware of that.
The next day the morning show had a nurse from primary children's on the show to talk about how many kids went to the ER for vehicle related accidents now versus how many had to go to the ER after and accident before the child restraint thing came into effect for those under 8. Apparently statistics (which I am totally studying!) show that serious injuries have fallen by 50%. That's a pretty good precedent.
I get that when you're carpooling you are driving a hand full of kids a few blocks or miles, and most are probably not even your kids. It seems like common sense to me, that if you only have 3 seats in the back but want to be part of a carpool that has more than 2 other kids, you kind of can't because you can't fit that many kids into your car. Well same goes for kids in car seats, if you can't accommodate for the booster seats in your car, you need to find another car pool.
Then comes another aspect of the bill. As long as you're driving less that 45 miles per hour? Um, because it's at 46 miles an hour when those booster seats make a difference for kids?
Lots of people called in to say what lap belts could do to a kid even at slower speeds. I'll spare you the details, but you wouldn't want them to happen to your child.
The radio DJ made a great observation, that how do you enforce that? The policeman pulls you over and your kid isn't in a booster, so you say: "Well I'm only driving 3 miles from home officer." And they just have to let you go? That doesn't seem very intuitive. The only way you can enforce this is after there's an accident. How far are you from your home and how fast were you going, otherwise it's completely unenforceable.
I take my daughter 3.5 miles to preschool, I drive on roads with a speed limit of 45 miles and less, therefore I would have my choice whether I want to put her in a booster seat. I cannot imagine how badly that would turn out for her if I was in an accident. And doesn't it stand to reason, if these are your kids that you should already have booster seats for them??? What if you have to drive more than 4 miles away? Pick your favorite kid I guess.
And also, don't most accidents happen within 5 or 6 miles of your home? So I guess we're hoping it's that extra mile or 2 where the accident is going to happen, not inside our protective 4 mile radius.
Anyway, it seems like laziness put into law. I don't think I'm a car seat nazi, but even to drive my daughter one block from one grandparents to the next, she is buckled into her seat, because we cross a slightly busy street and all it takes is once to change both our lives forever. it's my responsibility to be her advocate, because she's too young to decide right now. That's my job as a parent. Are booster seats inconvenient? yes? Doesn't it seem like a 6 or 8 year old is big enough that they should be fine with a regular seat belt? Sometimes it does, but evidence proves otherwise and I'm not smarter then those people, so I'll make sure that with that evidence I'm doing the best I can to make sure my child is protected. Even if I'm only driving 3.5 miles away.
Utah house Bill 113

Welcome to my New Year!

Holy no posts batman!
It is I! I know I haven't updated in awhile, so I probably no longer have anyone following. But here's to a new 2010!
Picking up Hayley from preschool the other day, she was in her plastic smock running water in the sink over some plastic dishes and singing "doing the dishes, doing the dishes" and it took me a while to convince her that she was done with the dishes and she should really come home with me. But it strikes me at odd times that she really is her own little person. She is almost fully 3 and a half and while 3 has been a crap shoot, its just the beginning. In a few more years she'll be in kindergarten. I'm not okay with that. She says she's not my baby anymore. She's just Hayley. I told her she'll always be my baby, but she's not buying it.
I don't know how real the knowledge is that she'll have a little brother in 3.5 months is to her yet. She seems aware that there is a baby in my tummy but I don't know that she's figured out that at some point the baby will sleep in her room and she'll get a big girl bed and be in another room. It doesn't help that every time I have her feel where her brother is kicking, he always stops. Stage fright I guess. He never quits when someone isn't touching my stomach. He just like to make me uncomfortable.
Speaking of uncomfortable: I'm now 24 weeks along and this week people are telling me that is "so far!" and that I should be excited. And have a name all picked out. Honey, I don't have anything ready. I have to get done with this semester of school before I can have this kid and I just started. We're 4 weeks into the 16 week semester, so I'm pretty sure that May is a long, long ways away.
This gestation hasn't been too bad for me. No morning sickness (I can say that now with confidence that I'm well into the second trimester) and no crazy craving for fast food and no vegetables ever. Still Christmas happened and now when I read how much weight I'm supposed to have gained. I just laugh and times the smaller amount by 2 and that's closer to where I'm at. My back has a sharp pain in it, but only when I'm sitting, standing or laying down and trying change positions. So that's fun. I'm trying to stay more fit and I'm still able to do a lot of my workouts, just taking out some jumps and high intensity here and there, so I feel pretty accomplished that I'll be able to get back in shape before this baby is 12 months old, but time will tell. I'm still sad that even now I shouldn't eat a Blue Bacon Cheeseburger, because if you can't do that when your preggo, then when can you my friends?

Sorry, My Brain Exploded

I haven't updated in forevs. I can't believe I didn't even make an Halloween post.
I'm sorry to my little followers. My brain has really exploded this semester. I though Summer classes were tough, a once a week night class for 2 and 1/2 hours and 2 other classes are killing me. I'm going to try and post some more, but I've decided that since my little peanut is now 3, she isn't changing so much each month that I need to document it so closely. And I need a life right now, so at work I need the down time. I need some youtube and pictures of cats eating cheeseburgers.
So soon, my friends, I'll let my brain think about things other than school and TV, but right now, that's all I can manage.

Organic = Less Awesomeness

So I bought organic oranges because they were on sale. And I figure they are going to be so magically delicious that I will want to give up normal, growth hormone added oranges.
But these things suck. From beginning to end. You can't peel these suckers, apparently they are missing the chemical that allows the peel and sections to part company. Next they are full of nasty old seeds. I like my oranges seed-free, thank you very much. And the orange flesh isn't even worth it! They aren't juicy and fresh tasting, they are kind like the pith taste has taken over the rest of the fruit.
I for one, will not feel bad at all when I dig into my chemical-laden oranges next time. Matter of fat, when I'm eating the organic ones, I'll be thinking of the chemicals.

Also, it's October, I have a costume in mind. I'm going to make it, with my own two hands. Or rather with the help of my mother-in-laws sowing machine and maybe one or two of her hands.

And if I seriously have to keeping going to classes for another 10 weeks I don't think I can be held responsible for my actions. Group projects are for suckers. Suckers taking these classes. Please give me back managerial accounting, I'll even take governmental accounting if it means I never have to talk to these people ever again! Ahem. I will continue to work diligently to get good grades.

Conquering the Mountain (Again!)

This past Saturday marks the 3rd time I've ventured to the top of Mt Timpanogos. Once again, my dad, my great uncle and my brother Tee was in the mix. Absent and missed was my Eldest brother troy, and while it wasn’t a good idea for Caleb to come last year, I did end up missing his fun energy on the way up the mountain.
When we pulled into the trailhead parking lot at 0600 in the dark, it was to find the lot was already full. And it wasn’t like all the hikers were there at 5:45 either, they had been there, some overnight. Overnight? Seriously? The info at the little ranger booth said that the temperatures at the top were about 31 degrees at midnight. Isn’t that freezing? We started up the mountain with flashlights to guide us, but the dark made it treacherous. Later we found out a good portion of those hikers, were midnight hikers, so they could watch the sun rise from the top. Let me just tell you that the sunrise from the bottom of the trail, it was fantastic and not that cold!
The hike seem to go really fast, we made fun of the BYU co-eds hiking and waited while multiple groups passed us and we made jokes about how our group had never passed anyone and why should we start now?
It was really interesting to me to see that a lot of the trail was familiar this time, this is the 4th time I’ve gone on the hike, I just didn’t make it all the way the first time, but since then, I have, but even last year, while there were certain spots that were familiar, now a lot more was familiar.
Being a girl, going to the bathroom on the trail isn’t a happy experience, so at the point on the trail where they have a “toilet” I take advantage. But even with as terrible as this outdoor toilet seat above the ground has been, nothing prepared me. When I hike the extra few meters to get to the secluded spot, the “toilet” was full. To the top. It was just as bad as if there wasn’t one there. I had to use the ground. It was lame, but this is what I guess I have to put up with. This year. Next year I’m getting certain camping supplies that relate to allowing females to relieve themselves while standing. I could have used that. Or maybe I’ll wear a diaper. Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.
I was really worried about the cold wind on top and packed a lot of cold weather gear. When we find got to the point passed the saddle that becomes fully exposed to the elements and also gets really freaky of those of us afraid of heights, we found the wind, while chilly, was nowhere near as cold as it had been the year before. I actually took my gloves off at one point and was happy that my butt crack wasn’t in danger of being exposed this year. We made it up in just over 6 hours. We had a lovely lunch and I don’t think any of us were really ready for the down hill portion, so we stayed as long as we could at the top. My dear Uncle Roger was kind enough to help me down the steep and rocky portions. It actually not only helped me with my balance but I think it took some pressure off my knees, which didn’t start hurting until much later down the trail.
We made it to the car at about 5 pm. An eleven hour hike from start to finish. Even though it felt like we were making really good time, those last few miles really multiply on the way down. When it’s dark and your muscles are fresh it’s nothing, even though it’s uphill, but by the end those muscles are crying out to stop. And once you do stop, don’t try to start up again. Because it is not worth it.
I spent that evening hobbling around until my bedtime at 8:30 and while moderately sore, it was worth it. I got my rock from the top of mountain again. I hope that I continue to go often. My dad threatens every year is his last and Uncle Roger says 2 more years and then he can retire. Since he’ll be 76. I think 30 years of hiking the mountain will deserve that much needed rest.

36 months (3 years) of Remarkable

A few weeks ago I took you to the park. There were a ton of kids on one of the playgrounds so I took you to the other one, since it seemed quieter. Here I am pushing my adult needs to be alone on you. You played and played and when some older kids (maybe 4 and 6) came and started to play a weird game or tag/keep away, you joined right in. I was so nervous. It was just a matter of time because they told you to leave them alone. They appeared a brother and sister duo and wouldn’t want to have their fun interrupted by a “baby” as they would, no doubt see you. But while I cringed inside, you confidently ran along with them, growled at the boy, hid with the girl and played whatever version of their game you wanted. They didn’t mind. Actually they started calling for you (“polar bear” because of the growling I guess) and including you in the process. I was fascinated by the wonders of youth. As an adult you sit in a seat where you don’t have to be too close to any other person, you want your space and don’t want to socialize. But you joined an existing group, and had no fear. No fear of rejection, no fear of anything. It made me immensely proud of you. I was prouder still when you accidentally bumped a toddler you said “sorry” right away and made sure he was okay. Then it hit me. You are the big kid. Granted there were kids much older on the playground, but you were one of them. You didn’t need me to run with you, or help you get down the slide. You were more than happy to find new friends and make up new games.
I miss the days where your world revolved around me, but now your world is huge. You have school twice a week and spend time with your grandparents and aunts. You are a child in a sea of adults. But you won’t be ignored either. You make your presence known and always want attention.
You have finally gotten the potty training thing pretty well down, which is nice, since you are now three. Now if I could just get you to wipe your own butt, we’ll be home free. But wiping is a good alternative to spraying out your underwear. I’m done with that professionally.
This year your birthday party is going to be a lot more laid back. I don’t have the cake all figured out, although you would think with my Wilson Decorating Class (level1) under my belt, I would have more passion for it, but I think that took all the desire to bake right out of me. We went to the Zoo! It’s nice to be able to take some time off work to be a mom, and since we didn’t make it to the zoo during the summer we should at least go on your birthday. Too bad Ellie got sick today. She was way more excited to go to the Zoo then you were. Also boy it’s hard on me trying to walk with you and make you go where you need to and to stop trying to climb into the gorilla exhibit.
You actually ate some lasagna last night, and that was shocking for me. You are still fairly picky, but at least you’re opening up a little here and there.
I have committed to you growing out your bangs. They are cute, but I think I am enjoying not having them. Your hair is just as much work anyway, why make it any harder?
This month we decide to get you out of your crib and into a “big girl” bed. Which is your crib minus one side. But it’s been a learning experience for us both, but at least you’ll go to the bathroom 6 times after we’ve put you to bed. Really, when I put you down, you know I mean business, but if your father puts you to sleep, you play for hours. I think the zoo would have been more fun for us both if you’d gone to bed before 11 pm, but I could only try to put you back to bed each time, I couldn’t force you to fall asleep. As much as I would like to.
Still, as much work as it’s been, there are the moments of pure joy when you throw your arms around my neck unexpectedly or start giggling at something silly. Here’s to years and year (except when you become a teenager. All bets are off then.)
Love ya kiddo,
Mama

This Is Cooling Faster Than I Can

(Wow, I am a bad fan, this has been sitting in my drafts for 2 weeks!)

Tori Amos @ Abravenal Hall July 20th
Niki and I headed down town around noonish to check out the meet’n’greet. We’re veterans at this, so we were happy to try and see Tori again, but not freaked out. I didn’t even give much thought as to what I wanted to say and what I would have her sign. We finally figured out how to drive around downtown and saw that there were a handful of people waiting. We were hungry so what are two girls to do? We took off to paradise bakery and had a delicious and comfortable lunch and chatted for a while. We decided it was probably time to get back and rolled in around 2:30. We charmed our way to the front of the barricades by asking and promising not to cut in line. Some people had been there since the morning. Funny little EWFs. We watched some Flight of the Conchords on Niki’s iPod before we were told that the barricades were going to be changed (of course) and so our nice spot of front become a not so great spot in the back in the hot sun. Thanks July! Then more waiting, of course tori was performing at the radio station. I don’t know how it is that I miss those every time. That would be a fun performance, just about 30 of us in that little room. Oh well. She finally came out and this lovely little gay guy almost died, I thought he was going to pee his pants or cry or both. She looked lovely in a black dress and gold leggings. People asked her about her shoes which were tall, making her about my height. She is looking older, but I guess that’s what happens when you’re 45. Her security said as long as we were respectful everyone could meet her since there were only about 35 of us. She went down the line, meeting the people in front of us and moving on. I held onto hope but soon realized that the reason I was now at the front was because everyone else had been a bit smarter and moved to the other side of the barricade and was currently telling Mz Amos their whole freaking life story. She was very kind and didn’t yell at anybody! J Finally she started to work her way back, and of course people were jumping back in and she had written so many requests on her hand that she had run out of room. I had decided to tell her that “Maybe California” a song on her new album really meant a lot to me. I had lots of back story to that, but knew at this point, Niki and I were going to be the absolute last people to talk to her. She took my booklet to sign and asked me my name, and I told her about the song. It’s a song about a mother who is contemplating suicide and tori trying to talk her out of it. It’s quite haunting and beautiful and it’s been bringing tears to my eyes lately, and that’s saying a lot since mostly I’m dead inside. When I told her the song really touched me, she said ‘oh honey’ and reached out for a hug. I was ecstatic, I’m always hugging celebrities, but it’s usually me asking for a hug, so for her to initiate it was cool. She posed for a picture with Niki and I heard another girl ask for “Cooling”, unfortunately because she was now done with the heat and sun Niki didn’t get to talk to her and ask her for a very meaningful song. “Parasol” and that would have been so perfect too!
After that we left, slightly disappointed that we had only gotten the tail end of tori’s attention, but excited for the nights show. Leaving to get some grub and finding out our boys had already made dinner plans without us we picked up some take-out. I was lucky enough to post my pictures on facebook and we figured out how to get the extra pair of seats we had to Niki’s friends. We decided that since parking was going to be an issue we’d ride trax. On board we watched more Flight of the Conchords (I’m converted, really I am!) and realized that it was later than we’d thought. Neither of us cared about the opening band, but we needed to meet Niki’s friends and get them their tickets. Getting off trax right at the venue we walked in to find that the opener had just finished. It must have started right on time and been a fast set. We found our friend Dan and he said the opener had not impressed him too much, sounded like a folksy Genesis (I’m paraphrasing, but I know it was Peter Gabriel’s genesis. I think.) I was suppose to meet up with one of Erika’s friends who also loves tori, but then bell went and we were told we had 5 minutes. We went to our seats. Row 8. Freaking awesome! We’ve been closer, but these were center and not too far back. I was still able to see some drool. Tori come out to thunderous applause. I had tried not to look at too many set lists, I wanted things to be a surprise, but I knew that she would open with “Give” from the new album. It rocked really hard core. Next was the first of several jaw drops. “Body and Soul” my favorite from the last album started. Without a pause she began a version of “Wampum Prayer” that I wish I had recorded, it was different then the album version and the melody even differed. I keep hoping it shows up on YouTube, where were all the people with cameras? That went right into Cornflake Girl, which is a standard, but the crowd loves it and that makes it a lot of fun. Then “Icicle” with the band, another jaw dropper. Tori doesn’t play this song much and this is the first tour it’s ever been with the band. At this point I was started to see a bit of the religion theme come out. This is usually something tori connects with in Utah, but there were so many different songs then we usually see, it made it an interesting new perspective. “Starling” from the new album was okay. I’m not in love, the keyboard sound was cool and the lights were lovely, but, meh, I’m not into it. Next up “Marys of the Seas” I think this may be the first time it’s been with the band, let me check. Okay, 3rd time this tour, but before that it was last seen in 2005, when she was touring solo, it felt fresh and fun. It continued the rock. “Bells for Her” from under the Pink came next, I adore this song with the band and it didn’t disappoint. I would have been happy if the show ended right then, but I got even more! Someone at the meet’n’greet had requested “a sorta fairytale” and I was happy to see it. Even though Niki and I decided not to make a road trip for this tour, it made me think of all the tori road trips we’ve made. “Jamaica inn” rounded out the first part of the set. It was interesting to hear songs from the Beekeeper with the band.
Then the Lizard lounge. I have no idea why it’s being called that on this tour, but it’s the section that tori plays solo. “Cooling” started and I was so happy. I’ve seen it before at the 2003 show before Niki and I got to go back stage and I was able to talk to tori about it. The ‘brambles’ bridge was back! And she did a great mini improve at my favorite part. It goes like this “is your place in heaven/worth giving up these kisses/these kisses” but instead it went more like this “is your everything my love/for me/my love/ for me /you must miss to death these kisses” and it was insanely adorable. I was so happy with the song choice I was ready for a standard, like “Winter” or “Leather” but we got “Etienne” which she played in Salt lake in 2001, but you can NEVER hear this song enough. It so pretty, I swear I want to name my children after tori songs, and this is one of them. So maybe there’s going to be a little Etienne running around my house. Too bad I can’t have Tori sing the name every time we need to call her.
The band came back on and played the re-worked “China” which seems so much more brand spanking new with the drums and bass. Two songs from the new album that I love “Curtain Call” and “Fast Horse” then “Bliss” which was played at the last tori show I saw, but here I realized that this show was really rocking. Not just some times, but all the time. It really seemed to me that it was a more grown up Choirgirl tour. It was a full out rock show with a piano, so much different than the fray show I just saw even though they both focus on the same instrument.

We got to the encore and in contrast to most tori tours, they were not quiet, introspective things. We got "Police Me" and "Big Wheel" which are both very upbeat. So I didn't believe it when the show was over. It seemed really abrupt because there was no sad parting song.

It was over. Niki and I walked aside and took a few pictures with the fountains to prolong our leaving. It had been an amazing day and we'd seen an incredible show. Thanks Tori! See you next time!

How to Save My Life (Cable Car)

The Fray July 18, 2009
USANA is a massive amphitheatre and as such has a large number of seats. I’ve noticed lately with many shows, they offer 2 for 1 tickets. When I got the notice that this would be the case for the Fray show, I asked my Komrade for most concerts, Erika, if she would like to go. She thought for a few days and we decided to get ourselves to the Fray show.
Now, I like the fray, every song on the radio, I’m fond of. I have the first album and after we bought seats to this show, I spent a little time with the new album online while I worked. It’s good.
After week of girls camp, I came home Friday and had homework to finish, and that took some time and then there were Saturday chores. And what I’m trying to say is that I almost forgot about this show on Saturday. Good thing Erika did not. We set out in the sweltering July heat and without being concerned about when the openers were starting we went to sit in the shade and gossip. After Erika was done telling me about her week and the opening band, meese was done playing, we decided to catch the rest of Jack’s Mannequin’s set. We spent a lot of time googling the band on Erika’s phone to figure out how cute the lead singer was. This is still unresolved. They are piano-drive rock, and we like that, so after the lead singer walked on the piano keys, not once, but at least twice, Erika decided that she would get their album. I couldn’t decide if I wanted a shirt or something, so I was empty handed but excited for the Fray. The stage set-up looked cool, but we were so far away it was hard to tell at this stage and we lamented that we wouldn’t be able to see anyone’s face as the band played. They have no jumbo-tron at USANA and this is grave oversight since most of the audience is like a mile away from the stage.
(As I write this, a Fray song starts on my player. It makes me smile.)
The fray started, all I could see of the leader singer was that he looked like an albino. Bald, pale head, white shirt, white suit coat. But it was his voice that impressed me right off. He has a lovely singing voice; they started with an acapella version of Home and I was hooked. And there were some screens! Four conjoined screens focused on the 4 band members. Erika and I started grooving with the rest of the audience to classics like How to Save a Life, Over My Head, and the new Never Say Never and You Found Me, where I introduced Erika to my version of the chorus, (Where was you?/Where was you?) which is very catchy and funny. We laughed about how we knew almost nothing about the band except they are from Colorado. After especially good moments we would say things like “You rock Mr. The Fray!” I liked calling him that, that little albino on stage. I got hooked on the song Little House (which took me days to figure which song it was even though I have it) and heard the Fray’s take on kanye west’s song Heartless. It was lovely, much better then Kanye’s version, I’m sure. There were LED lights on cltoh background that displayed images and white twinkle lights draped from the top of the stage, they made quite an impressive display and made the songs exciting. Erika remarked more than once that we should really read the lyrics for their songs, because they seemed so intense and beautiful, we should really know what he’s singing about.
After the show we were still on cloud nine. We decided to see if we could meet either jack’s mannequin or the fray, not expecting too much. The last time I was at this venue, I was there for Tori and was had to wait across the street from the backstage area and it was crappy and then we had to leave. I wasn’t expecting much more, but after finding a fan who was trying to meet the band with her 15 year old son, we decided to see where this went. I had a lesson in church the next day and I was still exhausted from camp and the day’s activities, but in the euphoria of the after-concert, I didn’t want to give up. After not a very long wait one member of the fray showed up at the gate, Dave. The awesome security guard let us back behind the gate with a promise not to make a run for it. It was oddly disconcerting to hear Dave’s American accent, since he looked so freaking Scottish to me. Erika was able to talk to him about Colorado and to find out another member of the band grew up a few blocks from her old house. After that we didn’t have much to say, but he was very polite. Then the other said member of the band, Ben, came out and signed our tickets and Erika told to him about Colorado and asked him about a local band from there, which sucks, thankfully he thinks they suck too. We discussed whether or not we were breaking erika’s fangirl rule for herself. Which is this: don’t be a lame fangirl for someone younger than yourself. Then Mr. the Fray came out. His name is Isaac, as we found out when we googled the band. We wanted to sound not like idiots. That’s important to us. Talked a bit about Colorado, of which I had nothing to add, of course. I asked for hug and he apologized for being kinda dazed as he had just had a massage (he had the bleary, I-just-had-a-massage face too) and then we took a picture with my phone. He was nice, not at rock star about anything, which is surprising because his band is really huge and he has every right to be a bit smug, but he was totally down to earth. In the picture he looks like he’s sneering, but he was quite pleasant. He didn’t look as much like an albino up close and even has a thin bit of hair, poor dear. Erika asked how old he was and he said 28, and I mentioned that meant she was not breaking her rule and Isaac (because we’re on first name basis) asked what that was all about, I told him and he seemed amused. We took our leave with our picture looking good to let the mom and her son have their moment. She obviously loves the Fray and saw them at a radio performance years ago before they were big. I can’t say anything bad about her, because in a few years, that’s freaking me. I’m going to be the mom dragging my child to the concert and riding the pit and being a cooler than all the other moms (I hope) so kudos to her for not being afraid of the preconceived notion of age and rocking out.
I thanked the security guard, because honestly, he didn’t lie to us, he didn’t try to make us leave and he didn’t make us feel like we were being lame or stupid while waiting to meet the band. I shook his hand and he really wanted us to try and see his metal band play at the “Dog Pound” in a few days. Sadly we didn’t make that show, I’m sure it was a riot.
We walked through the empty venue all giggly from the lack of sleep and excitement of meeting another rock star. I’ve been addicted to the new album online and I’m almost ready to buy it. I want it, but I’m so cheap, but I think I’m almost to the point where I need it and money is no object. It’s beautiful nd maybe even better than the first album.
All I have to say is, Isaac, keep the music coming.

Oh July

It's July! And the weird weather that was so awesome to keep us cool (but sopping wet!) has turned into the summer we all know. The hot, sweltering heat one. Yeah that one. It hasn't been terrible, per se, but it's not the nice 70 degrees it was just a short time ago, with no break in the heat on the horizon. But that's okay. I love summer.

I miss being in school (not college, that's not real, they have classes over the summer!) and being able to loaf all day or when I was kid, the smell of fresh mown grass and heading to soccer practice. One of my more vivid childhood memories is just that. Playing in the backyard with my brothers after getting done with a soccer game, and waiting for the cherries to get ripe, and wishing my dad would wear a shirt to mow the lawn. And we wonder why people think he's a native american. Well, I don't my friends.

In an effort to create my own happy times as an adult, we bought a cherry tree. A baby one. Once we had it home from the nursery, everyone and their grandma told us that trying to grow cherries is best left to farmers with incredible insecticides or superman. There is no inbetween, and eventually we'll have to chop it down because the bugs, people, they will freak you out. I am not afraid. Our cherry tree will never bear fruit. At least, not if we don't ever plant the thing. It's been sitting in the backyard, for more then a month, in it's black pot, falling over in the slightest hint of a breeze. I don't think that being horizontal is good for trees. The only ones I've seen try it were all dead.

Cherry tree notwithstanding, we also have a tiny little raspberry twig. It's only one twig, but it's an investment in our future. At my parents house were had a whole corner of the yard dedicated to raspberries and the spiky bushes that grew them. Man, I love raspberries. I would pick a few raspberries, some cherries and some strawberries, squeeze out the juice into a cup, add water and then sugar. I was already practicing to make sugary, fruit-tasting juices. It was delicious. I put lots of sugar into it. And I wouldn't want my daughter to miss out on that kind of thing, and also they make raspberries without the thorns! So far the raspberry twig has produced a few tiny raspberries which I ate the millisecond they turned anything close to red. They were oh so sweet, but I think it will be a while until I can fill my palm, let alone a small bowl, where I can smash them, add water and sugar and make my own punch.

And did you know that raspberries has a P in it? You did? Oh, well aren't you smart.

33 Months and Counting

It feels like I see less of you, even though I'm getting Friday's off with the later work schedule. We are so busy most weekends, it doesn't seem like that much of a break.

Just when I am ready to give up on trying to potty train you, you decide that the potty is for you. Mostly. This last week you've been able to wear underpants almost the whole day, there were a few accidents, but on the whole, this is progress. I had decided that you weren't ready and I was tired of trying to train you, since it felt like trying to keep a snow flake from melting in my hands. But look at you! You can do it! I think buying new stickers were very helpful. Although you aren't playing with them the way I thought you would. We used to put them on your hands or your shirt, but you LOVE to put them on others. Mostly you want to put your new sticker on daddy's tummy, but there is also something about putting them on a chart. You are so proud of your chart with all it's little pink stickers, and honestly, I am also ridiculously proud of that.

Going through my monthly newsletter, it's funny to see how proud I was of you when started talking, and now you are singing and talking all the time! You know the ABC song, but there are some interesting variations you've got there. J is absent, but K usually makes at least 2 if not 3 appearances. You're not going to be winning any competitions just yet, but I think it's the cutest thing. I would give you a prize.

I think everyone is displeased with the way you eat or rather, the way I feed you. Meaning, I don't get too fussed if you don't eat very much. Apparently I'm suppose to make you eat somehow. Well I do my best, but my best is usually trying to offer you food that you will eat, and hope that somehow you get some nutrients out of the air. I figure if you're hungry, you can eat. I usually only stop you from eating junk food. You can't eat chocolate goldfish forever, child. I'm hoping that with some of this maturing, you'll learn that not all food is disgusting and some of it, while some potatoes are not in fry form, they are still palatable. Okay #2 is still a problem so I may sprinkle Metamucil on your cereal. Sorry kid, but I'm just as tired of the tummy aches as you are and if you wont' eat vegetables, I should probably find some way to get you some fiber.

You're getting close to 3 and that's really freaking me out. I shouldn't be a 3 year olds mother. I'm not mature enough. I'm sure I'm still 21, so the math doesn't add up at all, either.

I love how much you love. It never ceases to put a smile on face to see you after a long day at work and you see me and exclaim and throw out your arms in the biggest, best hug. It makes me think you appreciate me, even when I'm not there. Heavens knows I miss you when I'm not there!

Kisses,

Mama

You Better Bring Your own Sun

About a month ago Tori Amos came out with a new album. Abnormally Attracted to Sin. I was apprehensive, the reviews were mixed with good and bad spots but it sounded similar to the last album, American Doll Posse which took more than a while to grow on me. Matter of fact, it’s not a go to album, and neither is the album previous, the Beekeeper.
I decided to buy the album, which came in a deluxe version with a DVD of the visualettes for each song and a fold out poster of our girl, Tori. I listened to it online at work, but I was neutral. I neither liked, nor disliked it.
Went my shipment from Amazon finally got to me, I popped the DVD into TV and watched the visualettes until I got kicked off the TV by Husband. Since then the CD has been living in my car (with a brief respite to rip it at work) and I am LOVING it. It has some throw away tracks, but the ones I was expecting not to like, I really do.
"Give," which is reminiscent of To Venus opens with lots of synth. Tori has gone fairly electronic on this album and it is usually a good thing. I’m digging "Welcome to England" and everything up until "Not Dying Today," which it better with the visuals, but not enough to save it. The next 3 tracks get standing ovations from me, "Maybe California" and "Curtain Call" are both really raw and beautiful and "Fire to Your Plain", I might not know what it’s about but the chorus keeps me singing along. "Police Me" is another I would toss. Nothing special about it. "That Guy" seems very cabaret, musical to me, I’m sure Erika would disagree, but I think this one at least, is influenced by what she’s doing on the musical for the West End that she’s working on. After that the album gets a little muddled, the title track and "500 Miles" are fine, "Mary Jane" is one I don’t think I’ll ever like. It’s about pot, it doesn’t seem very clever to me and I’m bored, but others have said they just love it. I’m sure it will be funny live. "Starling" is okay but then we get to "Fast Horse," which I didn’t think I would like on first listen. She’s changing vowels and has some weird accent but after a few listens, I adore it! I also like the New York reference. It feels like it could slip onto Scarlet’s Walk and be right at home. It has that same feel, and of course that album is in my top 5 records. "Ophelia" is great, it starts off sounding a lot like "Gold Dust," which I don’t love, but then we get a thumping chorus and it bring the whole thing to awesome. The album finishes off with "Lady in Blue," which is fine. I swear she says “black” instead of “blue” but Tori hadn’t been taught her vowels very well. It show cases her piano playing well and at the end when it’s just the instruments it’s brilliant and makes me continue to start the CD over again and listen more.
Over all I give it a B+. I think that might be a little high because I was expecting to not like it and have to really try to get into it, so even though there are songs I don’t love, there are plenty of songs that I really can’t get enough of, and it’s been a while since I felt that way about a Tori song.
She’s coming to our little valley July 20th! I’ll be there.

It's a Cruel World, But I'm a Lucky Boy (Girl)

I'm back from a 3 day weekend. This particular 3 day weekend saw me hitting the road for some Matt Nathanson so as to Rock. Erika and I left wicked early Friday morning and she drove all the way to her brother's home in Denver. The drive was pleasant and let me tell you, iPods with hundreds of random songs is the way to road trip. You never know what you're going to get, it's like a box of...well you know.

That evening brought us to Casa Bonita. For you Utah folk, it's the original version of the Mayan. The food is a little crappier but there's more entertainment and weirdness. Arcades and "scary" caves and a little ballroom/bar. We went with Erika's fam and her nieces loved it. We went through Black Bart's cave about 4 times before I bailed on that. They may have gone more. I kinda blocked that from my memory. The thing about Casa Bonita is that they give you endless sopapillas, which if you've ever had them, you know they are awesome. Fried dough with puffy hollow centers that you can drizzle with honey. Unless you are me, then while you are squeezing the honey, you will make the bottle top explode off and cover the table and everyone at it, in a sticky mess. Twice. Okay not everyone was covered in honey, just me. It was rather embarrassing especially the second time. I must have like He-Man grip or something, since even Erika's brother had no problem acquiring honey for his sopapillas. I think it's because I've been working out. I'm freakishly strong.

The food was sub-par, but the sopapillas were amazing (I had 7) and the cliff diving and general goofiness of the place were nice.

The next day we had some time to kill. We wouldn't leave for the festival type show until late afternoon, so Erika decided to go see a movie with her bro and I decided to go to the flea market with Shelley, Erika's sister-in-law and the nieces. It was sunny day, but windy but other than that, it was lovely. I'd never been to a flea market, so it was cool to see the stuff, although after a while a lot of the stuff looked really similar. I kind of wanted a old steamer trunk, but it was $200 and what would I do with an old steamer trunk?

After some lunch we prepared to go. We printed a google map and started the hour and half journey. Shelley had gotten herself a ticket and came with us, so she would finally understand why we have such unholy devotion to Matt. We had a lovely time on the way and made it to the exit in record time. We followed the directions on the map and ended up...nowhere. In the middle of a little city. Not at an outdoor amphitheatre. We pulled over and asked directions. Google maps had failed us again. We needed to hope back onto the freeway and then we'd be right there. We didn't know exactly where it was, but traffic was a nightmare, so we parked at a hotel and illegally crossed under the freeway trying to avoid getting squashed. We headed up a hill and we were there. Apparently the venue did sell out, but I was expecting something large like our outdoor amphitheatre here, which is huge. It wasn't tiny, but it definitely wasn't the size I was expecting, but this is Fort Collins and I guess there aren't as many people to accommodate here.

We missed the first act, which I think was a local Colorado guy named Josh Hodge. Next was Eric Hutchinson, and he was so fun, playing the piano and then his guitar, he was just as good as the songs on the radio suggest he is, and I like that his album is called "Sounds Like This" which I think is pretty clever. We snagged some spots way stage right but had an okay view of him. Most people were set up on the grass on blankets.

Next came out We the Kings. I was immediately struck by just how ugly the entire band was. The lead singer was a red-head with long hair and they all looked like they could just a good scrubbing. They seemed really full of themselves and they employed a great deal of feedback on all the songs. I spent most of the set looking like a smelled something bad and texting nasty things to Erika. Like: "They do realise they aren't Pearl Jam and this isn't 1994." Even the songs I liked from the radio were ruined in their presentation of them. They did play Jimmy Eat World's "The Middle" and I love to play that on rock band, so I forgave them and bopped along to that, but mostly it was awful. They should have just played the songs from the album over the PA, then I wouldn't have had to watch the singer take off his shirt and display his nasty tats. But during the set I saw Jon and Konrad on the side of the stage and waived to both of them. It was awesome.

Then it was time for Matt. We were able to move closer to the middle of the stage where I was behind an 8 year old girl. The median age of the crowd I would say was about 13 or 14. Mostly really young kids and some with parents and few older people. There were even some toddlers. It was beyond weird. Maybe because in Utah we have such large families were can't afford to go to concerts and my parents didn't know contemporary music at all, so my perspective is a bit different.

Matt was suppose to start at 8:00, but it was more like 8:20 when his set kicked off. Playing "To the Beat of Our Noisy Hearts" and then jumping into "Princess" with Jessie's Girl. I was glad that Shelley would at least know this song, she was rocking out. "Wedding Dress" was incredibly intense and there was a little banter between songs, but mostly things felt a little rushed. Despite this the band was tight. "Pretty the World" and "Still" and then coming out early was "Come on Get Higher" to which everyone sang along. It was impressive to see the crowd sing along to every word. He's definitely getting the attention he deserves.

He announced the last song of the his set. He wanted to play Journey's "Don't Stop Believing" which we had just watched the pilot for Glee with Erika's family the night before, so it was really fun to hear it and Shelley was excited to hear it. I was a bit disappointed with the length of the set, but now was our chance. The other bands had said they would be back by the merch booths to sign and meet people, so I figured Matt would do the same, but he didn't say that he would. That worried me. We jumped out of the crowd and headed to where the other artists were. The crowd was massive. We asked the merch girls at Matt's table what the 411 was, and they told everyone that Matt was sick and wouldn't be coming out, but since they hadn't been there until right before his set and they didn't have any shirts or CD for sell, I wondered if they knew that for certain. Shelley is kind of a punk, so while we were debating where to stand and what to do we walked passed a gap between the metal barricades and the orange netting to keep people out. I had glimpsed Aaron from another angle and Shelley told me to just to walk through and go talk to him. I only deliberated a moment and went for it. I walked in with purpose and while Aaron chatted with someone from the crew, I waited. I wanted to go back and get Erika, but security wasn't far and didn't want to get nabbed. When Aaron was done with his chat we said hello, I reintroduced myself and reminded him of our exploits on the headlining tour. He said he would remember my name next time and I told him not to worry about it. I asked him how long they had been home between shows. 2 days. They are freaking machines. We talked about if the set was short and he told me not that he realised, but they didn't go by the set list at all. They played what Matt was deciding on the spur of the moment. I asked if Matt was sick, and Aaron said he had been but just thought Matt was tired, but he was being the strong leader. We told him we thought the band had been in excellent form and he explained that since they hadn't played together in a few days, everything was fresh and exciting and reminded them how much they all liked playing together. I asked for a picture, we took one and he asked to look at it. He said he wasn't happy with it and we should take another. I told him he had to smile and he said he would try to look pleased. We got Erika a picture with him and he said he was going to go to the trailer. We stood awkwardly around. Konrad was just over the way, but between us was the security guard. He soon realised what we were up to and made us leave. I think he may have waited until Aaron left, but it could have just been that after that we just looked too conspicuous just standing around. We should have tried to walk around and look busy. I decided that next time, I'm getting a lanyard and just having colored paper in every shade so we can look more official.

We debated what we should do, since now the guard was actually guarding and keeping people out of the back. I saw Matt come out. He was talking with someone and we called for him and when he turned I waved. he waved back. and we waived back and forth for a bit. I think he was hesitating whether he should come over or not.

He came over and I asked him where his belt buckle was, I figured this was a good way to remind him who I was and see if he had an comment about it. Wrong question. He responded harshly that he just flew in and didn't have anything on him. He needed to get to bed since they were flying out to Canada soon. He also said that he felt like he hadn't been home in 2 years. Which really he's spend most of the last 12 months on the road and from now until October, he'll be out playing shows. I probably should have told him that my husband spent a year in Iraq and to suck it up rockstar, but he wasn't in a good mood. I had loved his blog about "finding" Depeche Mode and he was quick to say that he'd put up an addendum that he'd liked Depeche Mode since he was a kid but he had really found his love for them recently. I asked about Black Celebration since he said that the production didn't get "sexy" until Violator, and he said that Black Celebration was his favorite, which is mine as well. He was signing and taking pictures with others while we chatted. It wasn't a happy chatting, it was a bit tense, but I was unwilling to let bail out now. I had driven 8 hours to see him play for about 30 minutes, I wanted some kind of appreciation, I guess. He asked the name of the girl who handed up her shirt to be signed. Her name was Willow! This was the first time I'd met someone with my name! She was about 13, I told her it was my name too. Matt said that it was a cool name, she said thanks, and I said Thanks, and he leveled at me: "I know." Ouch! I had the booklet for his last CD in my hand. He asked if I wanted it signed. I said something to the effect of "that's okay" I told him looked really tired. I wanted to say how he should get some rest, I wanted to thank him for coming over at all. But the words wouldn't come and he was dealing with the crowd of tweenage girls that were collecting autographs on their t-shirts from all the bands. I felt like maybe he was just trying to gain some more fans out of people that may not have come to see him, since that's been his habit for the last 8 years, charming crowds as an opener and while he was not in the mood, he understood that was part of his shtick.

Erika said I had my pouty face on. I don't know where she was I was trying to concentrate on not interrupting Matt with other people, but I wanted my picture. That's what I live for. I love the autographs, but it's the pictures I treasure. He looked at me and rubbed my arm and asked if I was okay. I said I was and I departed. The crowd was seething, people had figured out that there was a rock star over here. I watch him talk to people and get photos, only smiling when he posed for a picture. The security guard had to get in front of him twice to help him get out. I thought it was sweet that even when he had that first opportunity to leave, he just went to people on the other side.

I tried to watch Plain White Ts, but I was distracted. The reason I had come was over. Matt had left. I didn't have a picture and I hadn't said anything that I had really wanted to. I was a bit disappointed. We drove home, it was late. I'm glad that we had the other activities with Erika's family, because if it had been a quick pop in and then out to the show and then leaving the next morning, I think I would have been really disappointed in the trip. As it was, I was disappointed in talking to Matt, but the show had been good. I had talked with Aaron after sneaking backstage and while most the of interaction with Matt had seemed forced, I appreciated that he had asked me how I was and I guess I'll have to take what I can get. He's a pretty big star now, I can't pretend that he needs me to help spread the Matt-love anymore, since he finally has radio on his side.

We spent breakfast with Erika's family and then headed out. I had the drive back and it was a pleasant drive. Even after 3 full days with Erika we weren't getting on each other's nerves ( I think) and I was glad that we'd come. The timing of the date of show was perfect and getting to know Erika's family and especially Shelley was really fun. It was nice little mini vacation. All in all, I'd do it again, just maybe not with such high expectations.

32 Months of Twinkle

I realised after the last post, if I don't have pictures taken and ready to go up here that if I post, they will never be done, so yes I'm late, but pictures are better then no pictures.

I think it's a mark that you're getting older, that I have to make a point to take your picture at all. I used to follow you around with the camera waiting for something cute to happen. Or perhaps it's that I'm used to your cuteness, so I'm desensitised to it.

I realised yesterday that we're been trying to potty train you for longer then I realised. 9 months almost, and though some days are worse then others (see how I didn't say better?) and I'm feeling really defeated, as there has been little to no progress from where we were 3 months ago. And now just getting you to sit on the potty is a trial. I don't know what to do at this point, I'm kind of giving up, so if you're going to college in diapers, this is where that all started. Sorry about that, but it's your own fault.

The last few days you've gone from your miniature appetite to actually eating food. And you act like I'm starving you. Like I don't offer you food at all the proper intervals. You had your first picnic of the season yesterday and I think the clean air made you extra hungry since you finished your plate of food and kept going. Asking for more hot dogs, more yogurt and finishing what I gave you. I'm enjoying the hungry you, even if you are more demanding, but I'd rather you demand to eat rather then proclaim that dinner is for the weak. Then after your big lunch you ate a ton of food for dinner. I was so shocked I didn't even know what to feed you! Luckily there was plenty of food that day. It was a BBQ full of jello and veggies and ice cubes! You ate chips and carrots and even raw broccoli and cauliflower (double-dipped in the ranch dressing.)

You are loving the nice weather. You want to be outside constantly. Which is all well and good, since it helps me get the weeding done in the garden. Our backyard finally goes with the front yard (meaning there is grass and it's even green.) Last year the backyard was nothing but knee high weeds and dirt, but somehow it's turned into a lawn with a garden. Of course the trouble now is keeping you out of the garden. You steal our shovels and use them with abandon. I never know when you will strike at vegetables or weeds alike. I've tried to give you your own little patch of earth, but your not buying it which means there may be more broccoli with missing leaves in the future.

You're going through a weird phase were you don't want me to leave you. Not at school, not at nursery. You want to go, but you don't want me to leave you there. You actually cried today as I left you at school. You're being very clingy, but then if I was to come and get you, you would cry that you have to leave. Make up your mind little girl! Of course now, it's daddy's turn to pick you up so that I can work late, then we'll be able to have Fridays to ourselves. I'm excited that we'll be together another day. maybe we can get this potty thing worked out.

Kisses,

Mama