Oh Tori, You Came and you Found me a Black Swan

What can I say except wow. This was my second Tori show in 2 days and that's the most I've ever done in a row, usually I hit different areas on different legs of the tour, but this time the way things worked out, I got to see two shows in a row. With Tori doing the whole "dolls" thing this really helped to create two vastly different shows. The first in Salt Lake with Pip started off so intense and angry, and this show today in Boise, Clyde was intense but in a less threatening way. I want to go really in depth about both shows and what happened leading up to them.

Niki and I had a comedy of errors trying to get out the door. she forgot her pillow and the directions and I forgot the tickets! Luckily we had stopped for breakfast nearby when I remembered and we figured we could hit Niki's house on the way. It was a five hour drive where seeing the distant mountains that are just slightly dusted with snow was the most interesting part of our journey. Mostly the road between here and salt lake (blogging on the road! I love the digital age!) is flat, nothing wasteland not a lot out those are windows. It's a 5 hour drive, but Niki had brought Anasai Boys on audio CD for us to listen to and I think this really helped the time fly by. We headed straight to the venue to see if the meet 'n' greet was going to happen soon and when we got there there were maybe about 15 people standing behind the barriers. We figured since it was already after 3 we should stick it out even though it was bitter cold. We were not disappointed. Soon Smitty (tori's bodyguard) came out to tell us it would be just a few minutes. Niki and I decided since we met her yesterday, it would be nice to either observe (that's Niki) or chat with Ms Amos (that's me!) rather tahn get something signed. So since there were so few people there Tori was taking time with everyone and really having a bit of a chat with people. People were free to move to the side after talking with Tori and this was the first time I've seen Smitty so relaxed and looking like he was having a bit of fun too! almost. It came to my turn and I told Tori that since I had met her the night before that I didn't need anything signed but I did want to ask her a question. I told her that I was very intrigued with the concept of the different personas on this album but that as a new mother I was having a hard time being nurturing and being able to be the Aphrodite too. And since Tori had so many different hats to wear what was her secret. She told me that Santa (the Aphrodite Doll) has really helped her marriage. That being sensual doesn't have to be independent of being spiritual. The patrichary has shamed us into thinking we can't have both but as women deserve to have it all. She told me that Santa isn't just a sensual creature, but that she love fabric and texture and architecture and beauty and that we all deserve to feel beautiful. Santa isn't interested in talking about the war, she's more interested in having a moment (and here I totally thought that she was going to say makeover). She also said that Santa isn't the one who goes to playgroups and she's not the one who picks up Tash from school, because each doll and each aspect of ourselves has a time and a place. Santa likes to go out to dinner and be social, so she's out a lot with Husband, but not so much with Tash. She was so sweet and twee and so personal. Then Niki took our picture with her awesome new camera and I reminded Tori that I had requested Black Swan. She had that "oh yeah" look on her face and wrote it on her hand, she asked if this would be our last show and we said that it was, so she told us that she would see what she could do. I took a few more pictures of her with other people and then since we weren't all corralled like sheep, we decided we were done and we left to go hang out in our posh hotel room.

I felt that Clyde would come out tonight. The venue is beautiful, a concert hall used to classical music, I figured that Clyde would feel comfortable in that setting. I was right. Seeing shows opened by Pip and Clyde are two different experiences. Pip was all infectious anger but Clyde, is stoic, silently intense, preferring to let the songs speak for themselves. She came out with a black cloth over her eyes which she dropped in front of the piano. Our seats were just stage left off center and 3rd row. They could hardly have been better. Bouncing off Clouds was fun and Little Earthquakes was great to hear. Juarez which I don’t think is anyone’s favorite song, but it is very powerful. Upside Down was a great surprise for me, since I adore that song. Mary followed it and while this isn’t one of my favorites, I can appreciate getting 2 b-sides in a row. Beauty of Speed is a gorgeous song and the “colors changing” was nice with the different colored lights but not the “amazing lights” I had thought they would be. I guess they were so built up in my mind that they couldn’t live up. Clyde left and picked up her scarf as she went. I had heard that Clyde didn’t look much at the audience, but she didn’t seem shy last night, she looked at the audience as much as Tori normally does and while she didn’t seem cheerful at any point she didn’t look uncomfortable on the stage either. Costume change and then Big Wheel, which I must say, is really growing on me, since I didn’t care for it at first, but it could become as popular as one of her other singles. Fairytale was lovely, as Scarlet’s Walk is a the definitive road trip album and after being on the road for 5 hours that day it was very lovely to hear. And the boy whose picture Niki took for him had requested it, so I was excited to see what would happen for me. Tear in Your Hand was sort of weird in the middle since I'm so used to it being an encore, but anything from Earthquakes is good to hear.
When she started Northern Lad I was excited, but the improv about messing up and her boys helping her out and it being a Spud day was so cool. I was even happier to hear Putting the Damage On as any Pele is good Pele. I love this song more then Northern Lad, so it was a positive trade in my eyes. The improv was gorgeous and apparently similar to what she had performed in Houston. I’ll need to listen to it more in the bootleg. It said Coraline or maybe “call Rolene” a lot and something about Navajo, it reminded me of the last show she played in this theatre on the Scarlet’s Walk tour in 2003 and it was the day that we learned of the first women to die in the Iraq war, who also happened to be a Hopi Indian, perhaps Tori was reminded of this or maybe else brought it out, but that’s what I thought of. I now felt spoiled getting 2 improvs and this made up for the lack of improvs in the Salt lake show. What came next was also a repeat from the 2003 Boise show and that was Not the Red Baron which was heartbreakingly beautiful and poignant. But what happened next I was not prepared for. Seeing Tori in salt lake at the sound check I had asked if in Idaho, Black Swan could come and Tori’s expressions told me that she thought it was a plausible idea. At the meet’n’greet before the show I reminder about my request and she once again wrote it on her hand and asked if we’d be at any other show and I told her this was my last. So seeing as how this was the 2nd song of the 2 song solo time when she started the piano intro it sure sounded like Black Swan to me, but I didn’t want to get too excited just in case I was wrong, as piano intros can turn into something else quickly. I was not disappointed when those first notes rang out for Black Swan I started to tear up. This song reminds me of when my husband was in Iraq. I would wait for him to call me everyday, so whenever I hear “did Eric call, by the way” it brings it all back. I’ve been to Tori shows on many tours and while there have been touching moments where I’ve teared up, I’ve never really cried, maybe shed a tear, but I full on cried for a minute. It really meant something to me those Tori was willing to play a song, just because I wanted to hear it and just because it would mean something to me. Thinking about it now makes the tears come to my eyes. This is why I’m still a fan almost a decade and half later, because even though she’s a superstar now and has people fawning all over her and her every whim, she hasn’t forgotten the people that buy her records and she still gives the fans, the “little people” the respect that we deserve. This is moment I will treasure even when I’m old and gray. Coming off that high was Black Dove which does always seem to go with Black Swan. Birds of a feather I suppose. Bliss was rocking and of course Code Red, which while growing more on me, isn’t really hitting home for me. Maybe first base. Maybe. Rushed the stage and our amazing 3rd row seats turned into being almost right against the stage. No one was pushy or rude, at least near me, so that was great that we could all be polite to each other. Some people are saying that Cornflake Girl and Precious Things are getting old. I can see that if you’re going to every show. You hear it so many times, but most people only see one, maybe two shows. Those people want to hear the hits. I’m really struck by how much fun Tori still has with them every night. She wasn’t phoning in these standards, she was having a good old time, and I think it has to do with the skill that these songs take. She’s rocking that piano for Precious and Cornflake and while these songs are probably what make the shows seem more like an actual job than just awesome fun, she still finds a way to enjoy them and I think she feeds off how the people respond to it.
I was thrilled to hear Concertina as this is my favorite off of Venus and was impressed to see how much Venus made it into tonight’s show, it’s an album I tend to forget but I think I’ll be pulling out again and giving it a whirl. Finished off with Hey Jupiter of course. During this song and through out the whole set I noticed that Tori skipped whatever high parts she could get away with. Maybe it’s because this was her 3rd night in row performing and she was tired or maybe she was holding back for some reason and while I missed those high parts I don’t think it took too much away from the evening. I have to put this as my all-time favorite show because of the T & Bo section solely. Niki and I left on a high and though we were really tired we couldn’t get to sleep for a while. Driving home we listened to a lot of Tori and I think we are both really grateful that we choose to go to Boise and see this amazing show.

Here a Pip and There a Tori

I knew that Pip would be opening because of the sound check but I guessed as much because she’s the doll that hasn’t been out for a while. Since this wasn’t a Ticketmaster venue, there were no VIP tickets, but the radio station did a giveaway for basically the same thing. We got to listen to 3 songs and then have her sign one item and then group photos, no personal photos, which was rather disappointing. For the actual sound check before we were let back I heard Big Wheel, Smokey Joe, Heart of Gold, Hey Jupiter, Digital Ghost and I swear I heard Concertina, which made me excited since I love that song, but she didn’t come out for the show.
For the fan “sound check” she played Almost Rosey with the band and then a solo Leather. After we clapped she thanked us and told us basically that this was a practice and she needed to see how her monitors sounded with and without the band and these s may or may not come out to play during the show. She pulled out a piece of paper and from what I could see from the reflections on the Bosey they were lyrics, I was super excited. We got to hear Little Drummer Boy. It was truly a great start for our holiday season. We were walked off behind the stage and told to stand in a line and be quiet because they were going to be recording a few songs. From the backstage area we heard Little Drummer Boy again and also Leather, so maybe this will be on a new holiday CD? We all got to spend a few minutes with Tori and it was amazing to me that once again she was so personable and really friendly. She was wearing a gorgeous black beaded blouse and a pencil black skirt with knee high black boots and she looked great and it made me sad that she would change into the sequined jumpsuit later. I spoke with her and was a blithering idiot, but that lady, she’s nice to everyone. I had brought my book to the Piano: Collection because it’s beautiful and I love it. This was actually a present to myself last year after Hayley was born, so looking through the book reminds me of those early days. I mentioned that to Tori and kind of hoped she would pickup on the fact that I was mentioning my little on purpose as I had brought some photos with me just in case. Which sounds weird except that when we met Tori backstage in ’02 some showed her pictures of her baby and Tori pulled out pictures of Tash, but I guess we can’t have everything. Tori asked me if I played (the piano) and I told her a little, I felt nervous since I’m kind of crap at it. Then I told her that the way I learned to play was on the song “Here. in my Head” which I have told her before but we’re not buds or anything, so I doubt that she remembers that (or me!). I gave her a piece of prose that I had written that was very Scarlet inspired and hopefully she read it, but she’s busy. It was less then a page! Come on! I then asked if she could play “Black Swan” in Boise and she definitely looked like she would really consider it. I know she hadn’t played it this tour yet and my asking for random b-sides usually means that no, she wont’ play that, but she wrote it on her hand and then it was Niki’s turn to talk to her. Niki had her sign Beekeeper for our friend, so Niki is really unselfish and she’s going to get lots of good karma.
On to the actual show!
Niki wasn’t feeling well and wanted to be in tip top shape for our road trip the next day, so in an effort to spread more good cheer, she declined the free seat to the show with me and I got to enjoy the show with my adorable little friend Magen. We suck our cameras in to take some video and saw that our free seats were not crap, but actually fairly awesome. Pip opened and the raw energy from her was palpable. So aggressive and a wonderful way to start the show. We got to start out in full throttle. Standing and singing for most of her delivery of Cruel. She was in her green dress with her rubber leggings and looked amazing. I don’t know how, but those dolls all look about 25, so Tori must be eating her greens. Kneeling for Fat and then she did some push ups? It was kind of awesome but weird, but that Pip I guess. Teenage Hustling was spot on and the Waitress. I adore the “hang ten honey” bridge more than the rest of the song, so getting to hear it live again was a dream come true. Magen was loving how rockin’ the show was, lots of dancing and big cheers when she recognized songs. She had a great time sing along too.
Costume change and the boys jammed. A lot of people were up and dancing and grooving and it was a lot of fun. I was a bit nervous about it, since I’m not a fan of the Professional remix, but it was good. It was time to get out all the wiggles for those of us who can’t sit still too long.
She came back out in the gold jumpsuit, that we’re all getting used to, but I miss the really flowy or fun things she used to wear. Big Wheel of course, but it was lovely, better than the album and fun for the audience too! I think some people weren’t aware of the “don’t you forget” sing along but they picked it right up from those that knew the drill.
Caught a Lite Sneeze is a personal favorite so that was a highlight for me, but I miss the harpsichord and the switching keyboards for the bridge, but we can’t have it all (but I’m pretty sure one of those fancy keyboards could sound like a harpsichord, I’m just sayin') It was fun seeing when people started to recognize Crucify and Magen was in heaven when she played this.
She didn’t talk much, just once before introducing the band. She said she had a wonderful day and that she was so happy that she could play for us. That we were “magical” people. I think this is probably in reference to the auctioned off piano lesson that helped needy children in Utah. The generous person who won donated the lesson to one of these under-privileged kids. How un-selfish can you be considering the final price was $9,000! She played Mother and it was stunning. I wish I could have better concentrated as the loud drunk s were in my section and between them and the people yelling at them to shut up, it was hard to enjoy, but I managed. Then the lovely Merman. So heartbreakingly beautiful and very emotional, which once again was almost perfect due to the screaming. I’m trying to be all Zen and think that everyone has the right to enjoy the concert in their own way, but it was annoying. Sorry. I was a little sad about not getting an improv, since I’ve been hearing such good things about the improvs but oh well.
Digital Ghost was very sweet and it’s really so much better live, even though I do like the album version. She played Amber waves which was a disappointment for me, it’s the once track on Scarlet that I don’t listen to. It is better live, but not enough to redeem it. Father Lucifer was something I was hoping for. In Utah we usually get this song and God (for some reason, I don’t get it) but I still love it and the Steve McQueen ending is probably my favorite part of any song ever. It’s up there for me.
I was hoping that hearing Code Red live would help me like it since everyone says that hearing it live is such a treat. Meh, I could do without it, but it is fairly rocking and I could wiggle to it. She started Pretty Good Year and I actually squealed like a little . I wasn’t expecting that and I love the song. I also love that my friend jumped when she got to the “hey what’s it gonna take” part because she wasn’t expecting it to start rocking. She sang the “pretty she is” line, she probably always does now, but I love hearing it. Hey Jupiter to close, and while I was sad to see tori go, it was time. The concert was amazing, it was everything that I could have hoped, Tori was full of energy and was very playful, although she did seem to stay more to her lower register while singing, but she just could have been in a growly mood. She didn’t really play too much stuff from the new album which is fine, I love hearing the back catalog, but I was hoping for more off of Scarlet, and Beekeeper album was noticeably absent, but that’s not a bad thing. But really with so much from Earthquakes and Pink and even one Pele song, I am definitely happy. After the show Magen and I walked to our cars and listened to the videos from our little cameras before calling it a good night.

Sing When You're Winning

I know I've been talking a lot of smack lately about Tori's new album, and while i do stand by most of my criticisms, I can't help but liking it a bit. It also helps that she's going to be here in concert tomorrow. And then Niki and I are going to go to Idaho to see her the next day.
But really, how awesome is this, I won tickets! I wasn't going to go to the Salt lake show because I forgot they were going on sale until a few hours later and then all the floor was gone, and it seemed silly to pay so much money to see her from the cheap seats. I still wanted to go, but for cheap, or free, because I'm like that. Niki and I decided that since we saw Tori in Idaho a few years back, in this same venue, it would be a great rode trip for us and we wound up getting 3rd row seats. Thank goodness Idahoans don't go to concerts because of all the potato farming they do.

But the best part is, not only do I get to see the concert for free, but we also get to sit in on the sound check and then have her sign something!! If this had been a Ticketmaster venue, this would be called the "VIP Ticket" and would have been about $150 to purchase. Free. Bless that radio station. I'm so excited that last night I couldn't get back to sleep for about 1 1/2 hours. It's like I'm a kid and it's Christmas. I don't know what to wear or how to do my hair. Freak. I'm so excited. I'm such a little fan girl. but I'm also excited about missing work, which is my favorite part of any trip, the time off! Of course the 5 hour drive isn't going to be any cakewalk but I'll take it over what I've got!

Happy 14 Thankful Months

This month has been one of mood swings. You are all smiles and laughter unless you get tired or hungry and then it's all vengeful wrath! But the good still seems to outweigh the bad. You are running around like a little crazy person now and it's adorable. You babble all the time, mostly just "da da da da" and sometimes "DA DA DA DA" and a few other consonants, but not too many. You are getting so big, but it can't be because we are feeding you, because you don't like anything. Nothing with any sort of texture, you will chew up peas and then spit those suckers right out, and things that don't seem quite 'right' also get spit out. And when you've decided you are done tasting whatever we're feeding you, it gets spit out, and mostly there is just a lot of spitting things out.

You didn't eat anything related to Thanksgiving on that day. Not even the sweet potatoes. I blame your grandparents for scheduling food at 3:00 pm, because we had to feed you lunch before that, so you were full and even turned your nose up to pie. You weirdo.

You did get to play with your cousins on Thanksgiving, which you really took to. You just walk right up to those girls and start to play with them, no getting to know people or figuring out who they are, if they are child-sized, they need to play with you. Which is great for your socialization, which seems to be that mostly you love everyone, even strangers, except for when you don't.

You've really been getting this waving thing down. You wave all the time, especially when you're ready for bed, you wave to daddy as I cart you up the stairs and you'll wave usually on demand most of the time. It's funny because it goes from simply opening and closing your fingers to a real whole hand wave and sometimes both at the same time. You will also fold your arms when instructed to, which means you are more advanced then some kids twice your age. Of course your 'folded arms' are sometimes just putting the backs of your hands together, i know you get the general idea and it's so freaking adorable.

You've been having a great time with daddy and I'm so jealous that he's your favorite. He knows all your schedules and what you do all day, so that's been nice, where I know that he's taking really good care of you, but i just wish it was me. But maybe soon it will be! Daddy just got a new job that I may be able to switch to part time! That would be something at least and then we could spend more time together. Maybe soon enough baby girl.

Love ya Kiddo,

Mama

And I hate , and I Hate , And I Hate Elevator Music

I want to stop caring. I work at at job where mostly I couldn't care less, I go through the motions of making decisions, but sometimes I'm following policy and BAM! I'm fighting for this policy, this stupid, inane policy to be followed by those people who tell me that this policy (which falls just short of a state law although, maybe it is?) doesn't matter. And all the sudden I care. I care whether the policy is actually being followed and every day I'm consumed with angst and frustration and I have to go to this job and pretend that it doesn't bother me that my bosses stab me in the back. At least I stood up for what was right and actually fought this time rather than just keeping my mouth shut in disbelief that these people ignore these state mandates that I'm just trying to uphold, fat lot of good it did me. I even went straight to the top this time. I got the opinion of someone on the board that actually writes this policy and he totally sided with me. I reported this back to those who make my life miserable and now not only did they still blatantly ignore the policy, they are upset with how I went over their heads.
I just want to not care. I that I'm sitting here being so upset, being in tears, losing sleep, feeling worthless and depressed all for a job that I don't even like. It makes it even worse that I have this lowly job and I'm so worked up about it, and this isn't even something that affects me personally, but I'm taking it so personally.
It's like if I was a french-fry maker at a fast food company. Lots of people want fries. But the fries need to be consistent, so corporate sent all the french fry makers in the company a guideline that tells how the fries should be made. I try to stick to the policy and find that within this policy some of the fries are defective and should be thrown away, but then my manager comes to me tells me that I can't follow this policy because those fries deserve to get processed just like all the other fries who do fit into the guidelines, and I say, "But this could make people sick" and my manager is more concerned with his bottom-line, so I call corporate and they tell me, yes follow the policy and I tell this to my manager and still he tells me to serve those dang fries. And I can tell you this, if corporate is going to blame someone for the policy not being followed, it's not going to be my manager, it's going to be me, because this is my job and the manager is obviously too important to be blamed for his decisions.
I just want to be done. I want to walk in there and tell them to kiss off. But I can't. But it looks like if I'm going to be the one working, I will be doing a job search. I can't work like this. I know I sound like a broken record because this happens over and over, and I know everyone around me is sick of hearing about how I am so upset about this, but seriously, it's all I can think about. When I'm washing my face I'm thinking about my arguments that I used to defend my position and the things I should have said. While I'm going to sleep I list off all the different reasons that this situation doesn't fit the guidelines. During commercials I think about how much I never want to see that place again and how I'm going to act around these people now that my fighting for what I believe in makes me look like an overly-emotional and unprofessional person. I think of all the ways I can look like I'm working and yet not be working because my filling up my work with such spite that it's best I just take a break from it.
I want to stop this cycle of my job making me feel like the actual work that I do everyday is completely irrelevant and they might as well have an automated APPROVED machine and they wouldn't have to give it benefits and think of the savings!
I want to be done with it. I don't want to be dwelling on this on my weekend. MY weekend. My time away from work to spend with my family and now everything I do is lethargic and lacking emotion, probably because I spent it all getting overly emotional on work crap that no one else cares about, so why should I? Why should I indeed.
This is a brain-dump so that hopefully I can go to sleep and then wake up to spend my Saturday loathing the thought that Monday will come sooner than I think.

Halloween Treats

So Hayley went trick or treating! Sort of. We walked to about 5 houses, mostly to show off her cuteness. She loved it because she got suckers and also there were dogs everywhere! In our short time we got to pet 3 puppies and one even licked her face and knocked her down a couple times because it was so excited! But Hayley was excited too, so she didn't care. It was funny because she walks pretty well now and for about 10-15 feet at a time she could actually stay focused on moving forward with Husband and me before she decided that she needed to eat the leaf/smashed berry/rock on the sidewalk, but those things are hard to pick up when you have a sucker in one hand and your treat bag/purse in the other. Those are both precious things that she couldn't put down, so trying to pick up the debris from the street was difficult and gave me time to pick her up so that we could get moving again and get our little puppy out of the cold.

She showed her grandparents how adorable she was and got some candy before we headed home to make sure we didn't miss the 4 trick or treaters that came to out house. Then Hayley decided that sleep is for sissies and spent the next 1 1/2 hours screaming and not sleeping. I was about ready to call the gypsies or maybe the Goblin King but memories of how cute she was earlier kept me from this.