I feel so directionless at the moment. I have virtually no life goals, or than the basics of "live and let live" that sort of thing. I no longer have a date of action events. I could very easily end up just like my boss who just got the "35 years long service" award. My work is a black hole. It's comfortable and I know it and most of the time it's pretty easy as long as I don't actually care about trying to go by the state policy and just do whatever my bosses want instead. I'm looking for a new job, but in a very lazy way. I'm looking for jobs online and i even applied to one since it was all online and perfect. It was working with numbers. I'm through working with people, I just want to punch them all in the face, so I should work with numbers, they don't have faces to punch. But I didn't hear anything about it and it's been a while. The problem is, I make decent money and I can't seem to find anything that I would actually want to do that would pay me more and more is the only way to go.
I was at a bridal shower for a cousin with all the family I rarely see and people asking me about working, etc and I can't even smile and say "It's fine!" I told my cousin-in-law that I'm going to die at my current job and I couldn't loathe it more. I'm sure that's what she was looking for in conversation from me while her daughter used the restroom. I'm a regular ray of light.
The problem is going some place new will require effort and it's easier just to stay put and not make quite enough money and despise my job then it is to find a new job and learn new things.
Still, it's made me very pessimistic about life the universe and everything. And no plans. If you asked me what I would like to happen in 2008, I think I might to able to manage a blank stare, but there will be an underlining current of cynicism about the "future" as I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. And the tunnel seems more like an underground labyrinth (without David Bowie in stretch pants) in which I seem doomed to wander endlessly.
But hey, at least it's sunny today! Maybe I have SADS that works in reverse.
5 comments:
right there with you buddy!
Oh you guys are all depressing!!! You've got to get out there and DO SOMETHING!!!!! Why don't you guys just quit your job and then you'll HAVE to find something else to do........
Sometimes you have to sacrifice the money to find something better. Like when Troy quit his job to do his internship he got crapo money, or when he quit Maceys to do another job that rather sucked, but it was to get to a better job later......
Sometime you have to get by on sucky money, but then maybe it's worth it later,
OR, I think.........I've worked at Maceys forever and I didn't get paid all too much before....and even, I think I get decent money now, but then at the same time, sure, I could go somewhere else and get paid more, or do what I got my degree in and get lots more, but in the end---you gotta do what makes you HAPPY!
The reason I've stayed where I am regardless of the money thing or wanting to go back to my "career job" is that I love my job and it makes me happy. It doesn't matter anything else.
So go out there and find that better job that will make you happy. I don't think you need to go hide from people, maybe just people that are mad all the time.....
I understand the feeling of trying to find something that doesn't so closely resemble Hell.
But at least we're somewhat in it together.
In all actuality, what keeps me driving to this lameness is knowing that I will atleast get a hello from you through out the day. I'm sorry I haven't been available to make it easier on you though.
I'm thinking lunch this week. I was sad not to get my daily greeting today. I hope you're okay and that you're not listening to Dashboard debating on the razor blades.
I love you like a fat kid loves cake.
Niki and I were discussing how basically everyone we know is suffering a meltdown with their jobs currently, so we should just create our own company.
We would have to figure out what said company does though...
Come craft, we'll discuss it.
Willow, it will end. If you want it to change, you will find another opportunity. It sometimes feels like it will last forever, but I doubt you will be getting a 35 year service award from your current job.
Positive thinking will get you places, so try not to stay depressed too long. I'll keep my eye out for jobs for you, maybe when I start my company you can join up.
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