Falling Apart

Does it mean that I have cancer if my lips have been tingly for days? I put on lip balm, but it's no use, for some reason it feels like a little tiny fire has been lit on the left side of my mouth. It's not really painful, just slightly distracting and disconcerting.
Also, I coloured my hair, and in retaliation, it's all falling out. It could be that now that the hair itself is darker I notice it more, but I think it's much more sinister than that. Every time I turn around there's anther hair, clinging to my arm or shirt and let's not even discuss what my brush looks like after I comb my hair after the shower. It's crazy! I'm hoping that wigs these days are better than they were in the Dynasty era. At least if people figure out I'm wearing a wig (like it falls off during a trip to the grocery store into the pile of oranges) that I have cancer and my hair feel out due to the chemo. Maybe I should do some chemo just in case I do have cancer. Maybe it'll be kind of like getting a flu shot. A little anti-cancer vaccine? Probably not.

Anyway. So I've come to terms with this post-baby body. I will never look like Heidi Klum or Jessica Alba, so why try? I've finally decided to buy some clothes that actually fit me, because after a year of working out and trying to lose some of this baby phat, I'm resigned to the fact that this jiggle isn't going anywhere, so rather than look at my closet full of clothes that no longer fit, I'm just going to go buy clothes that actually do fit. I say this with resolve now, but I'm sure once I get under those fluorescent lights in the dressing room, I'll bawl my eyes out and refuse to buy any of the "fat lady" clothes. I'm just so tired of trying to find a wardrobe that 's cute out of old t-shirts and stretch pants (oh the shame!) since I don't even own a pair of jeans that fit me anymore (except the maternity jeans, oh good ol' pregnant clothes!) so rather than lament the lost of my waist, I will accept that my genes are not thin genes and won't get me into any thin jeans in the near future. This is not accepting defeat as much as it accepting the present. I'm not going to stop exercising or trying my best to not eat every pie in this zip code and the next, but if a year can't turn me around, then I need to accept that things haven't worked out as well as I had hoped and realize that winter will be a cold dark time to not have any pants, so I will go shopping, and while i doubt I will find any enjoyment this time, I may find something a little more flattering then the baggy shirts and the lack of pants I currently experience.