Bouncing the Expectations

So the new Tori album is coming out next week. The whole album is available on her myspace at http://www.myspace.com/toriamos to listen to. So I've been devoting myself to clicking through all the songs a couple of times before I came to an opinion.

There are moments. They are few and far between. With this album it's either pretty piano nothings or in-your-face rock chick. There isn't much in between, although Bouncing Off Clouds is okay.

But you know what bugs me the most? It's the phrasing. It's the 87 syllable clo-e-ouds and the odd way she takes a line and makes it fit where it doesn't sound meant to fit. Where she takes a line and there's a silence before the thought is complete. I'm trying to think, do her other albums do this? I don't think so. See's always had a problem pronoucing things correctly, but it's so unbelievably overpowering that it's had for me to not only understand that words, but it just grates on my nerves. Why? Why so much?

I was ready to be disappointed, I was, but then there were the good reviews and I started to hope. Stupid hope. I think this may place far below Beekeeper for me, I hate to say that, but at least Beekeeper has moments and the album seems cohesive and there seems be a connectedness through the album, even if it was a tad boring.

This is just...weird. It's weird. I don't know what else to call it. It definitely is more interesting, but seriously, the song "Posse Bonus" which I guess is a bonus track, the lyrics are "Here's your posse bonus/Because I li-i-i-i-ke you" It sounds almost like a joke. Like she was goofing off at the piano and they kept the tape rolling and decided it was a good song. It's not.

It seems uninspired. I mean, think for a minute "Space Dog" and then "You can Bring Your Dog", "Mr Bad Man", "Fat Slut" and the list goes on.

"He’s a bad man/ Mr. Bad Man/ And she had enough of him/ So the walls try/ To dry her eyes/ Cause the bad man/ Made her cry" Seriously. I think I wrote poetry like this in 9th grade. Or course poetry and songs are quite different. This song almost has a Beatles-eque quality, but also a little "Wednesday" sound to it. It's sounds unresolved.

My first listen through, nothing really grabbed me. Of course I was at work, working, so there's that, but it couldn't hold my attention. Most of the songs seem very background music, nothing that's going to make anyone go "Whoa! What's this?"

I think Tori is doing her thing, and that's great, but it's not really a good record. I'm bored with the whole "I took on the persona of this other woman to write this song" but after a while, it just doesn't ring true. I think she's glad to distance herself from the songs, but it's making them less interesting.

There are also guitars. In almost every song apparently. Hmmph. I think it's not really helping. I'm almost embarrassed about it, like if I buy it, I'll be the one if dark glasses and I'll pay cash. I'm trying. I'm listening to it still. I want something to grab me. Please.

Also, why the wigs? I get it for the "other" characters, but she needs a wig to be "Tori"? Maybe it's the chunky bangs, but I hate it. It bugs me.

Seacrest out.

Crappy Days

So Hayley's been having some poop issues. Let's just get it out there - she's no longer having little solid poops, it's gone back to being not solid.
So yesterday morning I was getting ready for work, she had woken up and was playing in her crib as she usually does when she wakes up for a bit. I was almost ready to go and she started to fuss, so went in.
That's when I found my daughter in a pile of poop.
Her diaper had not contained the leakage and it was all over her sheet, her and the floor. It must have just happened to, because as I walked in was the exact moment she took her chubby, clean hand and stuff it in the poop.
So she got to go straight into the big people tub to get hosed off, she thought this was pretty funny. I am meanwhile rinsing off sheets, and scrubbing the carpet and hoping the oxyclean is good for poop stains.
It was fun.
Today I was expecting it so I put her in a fitted diaper and it worked like a charm. See, I can be taught!

I think the poop might be, in part, due to the fact that she won't eat anything. Not anything! I tried to force her to eat sweet potatoes and she ate one bite. And then spit it out. She loves those baby cookies, so i got one of those and put some sweet potato on it. So now she doesn't like those either. I tried to give her a another one to see if she's be okay if it didn't taste like sweet potatoes, but no. She threw it on the ground. Awesome. It's fine. I'm sure that most fifteen year olds these days are taking their bottle with them to class.

I suppose that some people don't' want to read about my child's bowel issues, but really, what else would I write about?

Stop me if you think that you've heard this one before...

I'm pretty awesome today.
The local radio station www.1019theend.com was having a contest to win Morrissey tickets. You just had to name the 3 songs they played. Since I listen online at work, there is a delay, so I went out to my car to listen to them. I also decided that I should have my little sister who was home sick today, also call in so we'd double our chances of winning. I told her all the song titles (since she's not the biggest fan, or really a fan at all) and when all was said and done we both called in. My stupid cellphone decided in the middle of the redial that since I'd been sitting in the same spot for 10 minutes, hadn't moved and had made 3 calls from this locations in the last few minutes, that now I was roaming, so I freaked out and was trying to call and had to dial long distance and everything, that's when little sister called and told me that she won! Hurrah for me being the smartest person ever!
I'm glad I waited to buy Morrissey tickets now, although I still may buy a floor ticket if these are for upper seating, which they probably are, since those are cheaper. But still, I'm rocking it at Morrissey! Suck on that ticketmaster!
Now I'm just trying to decide if I want to keep trying for more tickets tomorrow and the rest of the week so that all my cool friends can come with me, or if I should let other people win. Other people who may or may not deserve to bask in the glory that is Moz.
We'll see. "It may all end tomorrow, or it could gone on forever-in which case I'm doomed"

7 Months

Well, little girl, it’s been an interesting month. You are starting to be mobile! You’re not quite crawling and you can’t yet go forward (much to your annoyance) but you can scoot backwards, but you haven’t figured out how to use this to your advantage. You’re starting to realize that you can control if you’re up or down and so we’re getting lots of little tumbles and some squealing when you want something and can’t figure out how to get it.

Sleeping! Oh the sleep! It’s terrible trying to put you to sleep, you still fight it not matter how tired you are, but once you’re asleep you’re staying asleep! Sometimes we can sleep until 7! But if you do wake up earlier, you will usually go back to sleep! It’s really been happy days, for me at least.

Let’s talk about teeth. I think your first tooth is coming in. I hope that’s what it is, since you’ve been kind of sick today. The best way to bring in your 7 month birthday would of course be to throw up on your mom and her newly changed sheets, so let’s blame the teeth. But there is no evidence yet, but that may explain your need for Tylenol every 4-6 hours. But the odd thing is your drool faucet has been turned way down. You don’t dribble everywhere like you use to. I’m fine with that, but it is totally weird.

So food, or the lack thereof. You love the little toddler biscuits, but you don’t like anything else. Anything. Ever. I was trying to give you bananas last night, last time you loved them, couldn’t get enough of them. Then, before the spoon got anywhere near your mouth, you pulled a face. You hadn’t even tasted it! You frustrate me with this. I keep trying to give you food and I keep having to wash it down the sink because you won’t eat it. You won’t eat more than 1 forced spoonful. Look, you’re going to love food someday; you’re supposed to be eating something at this point. I think you’re supposed to have 2 little meals everyday. I can’t get you to eat one spoonful of baby rice. I’m not sure what to do. Maybe I should just let you feed yourself, but then you’ll probably just put it in your hair.

Grandma Connie keeps cutting your hair. “Trimming” she calls it, but every week your baby hawk is a little bit shorter and straighter. It’s a good thing that very soon I’ll be watching you on Fridays. Very soon I won’t be the person you only see on Saturdays and Sundays, now I’ll have almost as much face-time as your babysitter! Maybe you will remember that I’m your mommy! We’ll have such lovely 3-day weekends together, of course I won’t see very much of you doing the rest of the week, after those nasty 10 hour days. I’m sure we’ll manage.

This weekend I took you out for a walk in your stroller. Grandma’s taken you out before, but I wasn’t there, so it was our first walk together. You loved it, just watching the grass and the gardens pass by, you sat forward and gripped the front of your stroller like you were hanging on for dear life, it was adorable. You just don’t want to miss a thing by sitting back.

You’re talking a lot more and of course being hysterical. You know what you want, but you just don’t know how to get it yet, but I’m sure given only a small amount of motor control, you’ll be taking over the world.

I Like This Boy, He Likes Me Back-I Don't Know Why

I've been meaning to update, but I've been so busy. I mean, Brittney Spears has been wearing different hats every time she leaves the house! So it's hard to keep up with everything.
Yesterday, I pulled the plug. I came home as usual and watched the Simpsons, but then since there was nothing on, I turned off the TV! It was weird. I had dinner made about 20 minutes before Husband was even home! and then I did the dishes! It was crazy. It was almost as if, without the loving glow of the TV, I was able to have a life and move one. But it's too bad I can't test this theory tonight, I mean, House is on tonight! Which means I'll have to also watch American Idol. Last week I decided that the Manjina kid is the smartest. He can't really sing very well, but everyone knows his name. He is mentioned on radio, tv, Internet. It doesn't matter that he's fairly lame, everyone knows which one he is, even if they hate him. He has won the media war. I'm voting for Blake, he's the only thing that keeps me interested in this silly competition.

I'm on a diet. So I'm starving. I'm just eating fruit and vegetables and protein. So what does husband do? He calls me last night (after I've made a delicious stir fry with veggies and more veggies!) and says we should have strawberry pancakes! Because they are full of wheaty goodness! Not at all covered with sugar or butter or happiness at all! I love him, but he really doesn't have any idea what being really healthy is. How is it that he made it to 30 years old and doesn't know that pancakes aren't in most diets? I wish I was a boy, then I could not worry about my expanding waist because I would just wear my pants lower, no biggie.

Now onto life drama. With a twinkle in my eye I thought of how great it would be to be a stay at home mom. I figured that time would come quickly after Husband landed that perfect job. I was thinking May would work. Well, this job is less than perfect. It's very weather dependent and so there have been days that Husband hasn't worked at all and of course, did not get paid either. So May was a pipe dream. So maybe June, maybe then. With Husband's job he can work as much as he wants in the summer. He could work 18 hour days and work 7 days a week. He could make so much money! I could quit! But then things would get cold and wet and then the money would not keep pouring in. I don't think he could make enough money to pay for everything this summer and still save enough for us to make it through those lean winter months. I'm a bit jaded I guess. I suppose some people never have the opportunity to stay home with their kids, so the idea that Husband is working toward that would seem very noble, but I'm a glass is half empty kinda gal and all I see is that maybe I won't get to be home this summer and maybe not next summer either. I guess I should be grateful for what I have, but I've always been in the boat where when people ask me what my career goals are I want to say "full-time mom," and society tells me that being a mother isn't important because someday your spouse might die or leave and then where would you be? While I agree an education is important and every woman should pursue gaining a college degree, isn't it also important to raise your children? Someone has to do it, whether it be the babysitter, the daycare, the TV or someone else, they are going to grow up with something influencing their formative years, why is it should a bad thing for that to be their mother? "but taking time off work to raise children will mean when you re-enter the workforce you will be taking a pay cut and be passed over for higher end jobs" OK, so what if I want to be a mother? But that's not acceptable, it's not important and the pay is crappy.

Okay, I guess I should rant more about that later!

Dooced!

What I wouldn't give to be fired for my blog, because then I would get unemployment.
I almost feel like naming names and posting links. But since I only have one reader (Hi! You're shoes are pretty!) I doubt saying anything would lead to my doocing.
I also like that www.dooce.com is a fun read. She's living the dream. Getting paid for blogging AND having a term coined in your honor. I wish that I could do that. Maybe I'll post a PayPal button and that one reader can fund my writing habit (do you have enough money to help me pay for my house payment? no? well I still like your shoes)
Stupid boss keeps prancing around being lame. Stop the lameness. I already stuck pins in my voodoo doll for you.

The Soul Crushing-ness of it All

I do one thing at work. Only one thing. I look at forms and say either 'yes' or 'no' and nothing else. What I hate is when I say no. There are laws regarding this, I abide by them. There are deadlines. I try to work with those who are close. But honestly, when a deadline has passed by 16 months, I am less then sympathetic. I am within my rights and the policy to say no, but then all you have to do is talk to my bosses boss. Even when he says he's on the same page with me, he then turns around and I find that not only are we not on the same page, we're not even in the same book. This makes me look like an idiot to those customers. It also means that the months of bickering and being told that I'm unfair and the usual "lawyering-up" that some threaten and I have to deal with, is all for naught. My opinion and decision is overturned. I get to smile and nod and pretend like I agree too, when I would rather beat my head against the wall in frustration. So why should I even tell anyone 'no' when it doesn't matter? It also makes me frustrated because the people that are told 'no' for the same reason and they accept it when someone else just fights hard enough and they get their 'no' turned magically to a 'yes.'
Today I hate everyone. I hate this job. I hate the lack of structure and rules and really the blatant disregard for policy. I suppose I can just start telling people we have no policy on the matter and anyone with a compelling argument will be considered. I think that would work. Or perhaps I can stop reading through these forms and just get a big stamp that says YES and stamp them all as I receive them. Because here we care nothing for what the rules say, we're all about serving the loud and mean and obnoxious people.
That's what I hate about kids/people today, the sense of entitlement. The whole unearned confidence thing. People don't need to do what's required of them, if the holler loud enough and feel like the deserve something, they expect that we hand it to them. People that treat us poorly because they don't like working at Store X or think that at the place of our employment they they can treat us like crap because we're being paid to take it.
And I will. I can't leave. I need the money.
A few weeks ago when I was thinking that the time to be a stay-at home mom was right around the corner, I knew in my that I wanted to walk into my bosses office and say "Since you're so good at my job, why don't you continue to do it. I quit." This is a pipe dream. I get to tell them instead that "yes, it's totally fine, I will overturn my decision because you feel that the spirit of the law has been met, even if the letter of the law hasn't been." It's fine. I'm just dying inside a little bit every time this happens. But soon I'll have no fire or spirit and sense of self left. Isn't that what corporate America is all about?

Has it really come?

The weekend has passed with some reoccurance of the Bad Wife. I don't know what it is, but Husband and I have just been snotty to each other, then we move on but then it happens again. Maybe this is what happens when Husband doesn't get his birthday steak. You would think that my beautiful card that I made myself on the computer at work that took me all of 10 minutes from start to finish and had money inside would have stopped all this. MONEY! Doesn't that say "I love you and want you to buy whatever your heart desires" more than something that he told me to buy him? I don't know, maybe it's the lack of red meat affecting his system.
Princess Girl had her 6 month photos taken. She's precious, but I'm glad that I got out of there only spending $20 instead of the $100 that we spent when she was 2 months old. I'm definately going to need more frames.
I also discovered that the shoes I have in my head are not for purchase anywhere in the world. I have been all over the internet and the mall and have found nothing that looks like what I see in my mind. I really wish that there was a website where I could design my own shoe.
Additional: Babies don't like Hot Topic. They really don't like having to sit in thier carseat after leaving Hot Topic. You are warned.