Merry 15 Months Baby

It's certainly been a long month for me! Getting all ready for Christmas and making sure that you were taken care of as it's Daddy's first month back at work has been stressful to say the least. You've been mostly at Mandy's house although Niki and Grandma did take you for a day each. I spent 3 days during that last 2 weeks before my Christmas holiday just being home and finishing up the shopping and whatnot and it was lots of fun. You seem to be in the middle of a nap transition. For me you'll still take 2 naps a day, but anywhere else it's pulling teeth to get you down for a nap and then it's only 1. I'll be sad if I can't keep you with your two naps, but it is a sign that you're getting bigger and your little body needs fewer rests during the day. This month has also brought the emergence of the meltdowns. Your first was lovely and at Archibald's restaurant. I think your napping situation is taking it's toll on you as well and so now you're being nap deprived and so meltdowns are occurring regularly.
I found out I was suppose to let you start spoon feeding yourself at 12 months, so sorry, it's a bit late, but we're working on it. This morning you were able to get most of your oatmeal in your mouth all on your own. It will be a lovely day when I can eat and you can feed yourself and I don't have to wait until your finished. You mostly stab at things with your spoon and that does make it harder to eat, but today you were able to figure out the whole turn the spoon and it will hold foodstuffs until it get to your mouth. I was very proud. You're getting more open about foods but you still hate potatoes and even sweet potatoes that you will eat out of a baby food jar, but in real life, you can't stand them.
You have a brand new cousin who is very small. I remember those days but I was always so excited to see who you would be. Looking at your little face and wondering how you would act. I'm very happy with where you're at right now and while I'm excited for you to start saying real words, this is all passing away very quickly. Soon it'll be time to start again with a new baby so you can be the big sister, but for now I'm glad it's just you and me (and maybe Daddy a little).

The doctor told us we should work on teaching you your body parts, but apparently you already know them without our help. I asked and all of the sudden you knew where your ears, mouth and nose were. You're still working on your eyes, but 3 out of 4 isn't bad at all!
Christmas was a lot of fun this year. Last year you fell asleep but this year you really got the hang of opening the presents and discovering what was inside. You didn't get tons as I expected, but you did get some big things. A rocking horse that neighs and wags it's tail from one set of grandparents and a baby guitar and maracas from the other. I got you a few little things and then some clothes. You will be such a styling little thing. It's pretty obvious that everyone loves you.
You want so much, so want to take the stairs facing forwards as you go down them, but you're too little unless there is something or someone for you to hang on to. You want to help sweep the floor and help with the laundry. Whenever something is getting washed you must be allowed to put at least 1 item into the washer and then you wave bye-bye to the clothes. You want to get all your clothes out of the basket and carry them around the house, so your room is a disaster area. Oh well, some day soon I'll get to be home all day and maybe then I can find the energy to put the clothes away before you get to them.
I guess we'll still keep you.

Heart You,
Mama

(It really was the pictures! I couldn't get them upload, so here's few extra because you're so cute)

Oh Tori, You Came and you Found me a Black Swan

What can I say except wow. This was my second Tori show in 2 days and that's the most I've ever done in a row, usually I hit different areas on different legs of the tour, but this time the way things worked out, I got to see two shows in a row. With Tori doing the whole "dolls" thing this really helped to create two vastly different shows. The first in Salt Lake with Pip started off so intense and angry, and this show today in Boise, Clyde was intense but in a less threatening way. I want to go really in depth about both shows and what happened leading up to them.

Niki and I had a comedy of errors trying to get out the door. she forgot her pillow and the directions and I forgot the tickets! Luckily we had stopped for breakfast nearby when I remembered and we figured we could hit Niki's house on the way. It was a five hour drive where seeing the distant mountains that are just slightly dusted with snow was the most interesting part of our journey. Mostly the road between here and salt lake (blogging on the road! I love the digital age!) is flat, nothing wasteland not a lot out those are windows. It's a 5 hour drive, but Niki had brought Anasai Boys on audio CD for us to listen to and I think this really helped the time fly by. We headed straight to the venue to see if the meet 'n' greet was going to happen soon and when we got there there were maybe about 15 people standing behind the barriers. We figured since it was already after 3 we should stick it out even though it was bitter cold. We were not disappointed. Soon Smitty (tori's bodyguard) came out to tell us it would be just a few minutes. Niki and I decided since we met her yesterday, it would be nice to either observe (that's Niki) or chat with Ms Amos (that's me!) rather tahn get something signed. So since there were so few people there Tori was taking time with everyone and really having a bit of a chat with people. People were free to move to the side after talking with Tori and this was the first time I've seen Smitty so relaxed and looking like he was having a bit of fun too! almost. It came to my turn and I told Tori that since I had met her the night before that I didn't need anything signed but I did want to ask her a question. I told her that I was very intrigued with the concept of the different personas on this album but that as a new mother I was having a hard time being nurturing and being able to be the Aphrodite too. And since Tori had so many different hats to wear what was her secret. She told me that Santa (the Aphrodite Doll) has really helped her marriage. That being sensual doesn't have to be independent of being spiritual. The patrichary has shamed us into thinking we can't have both but as women deserve to have it all. She told me that Santa isn't just a sensual creature, but that she love fabric and texture and architecture and beauty and that we all deserve to feel beautiful. Santa isn't interested in talking about the war, she's more interested in having a moment (and here I totally thought that she was going to say makeover). She also said that Santa isn't the one who goes to playgroups and she's not the one who picks up Tash from school, because each doll and each aspect of ourselves has a time and a place. Santa likes to go out to dinner and be social, so she's out a lot with Husband, but not so much with Tash. She was so sweet and twee and so personal. Then Niki took our picture with her awesome new camera and I reminded Tori that I had requested Black Swan. She had that "oh yeah" look on her face and wrote it on her hand, she asked if this would be our last show and we said that it was, so she told us that she would see what she could do. I took a few more pictures of her with other people and then since we weren't all corralled like sheep, we decided we were done and we left to go hang out in our posh hotel room.

I felt that Clyde would come out tonight. The venue is beautiful, a concert hall used to classical music, I figured that Clyde would feel comfortable in that setting. I was right. Seeing shows opened by Pip and Clyde are two different experiences. Pip was all infectious anger but Clyde, is stoic, silently intense, preferring to let the songs speak for themselves. She came out with a black cloth over her eyes which she dropped in front of the piano. Our seats were just stage left off center and 3rd row. They could hardly have been better. Bouncing off Clouds was fun and Little Earthquakes was great to hear. Juarez which I don’t think is anyone’s favorite song, but it is very powerful. Upside Down was a great surprise for me, since I adore that song. Mary followed it and while this isn’t one of my favorites, I can appreciate getting 2 b-sides in a row. Beauty of Speed is a gorgeous song and the “colors changing” was nice with the different colored lights but not the “amazing lights” I had thought they would be. I guess they were so built up in my mind that they couldn’t live up. Clyde left and picked up her scarf as she went. I had heard that Clyde didn’t look much at the audience, but she didn’t seem shy last night, she looked at the audience as much as Tori normally does and while she didn’t seem cheerful at any point she didn’t look uncomfortable on the stage either. Costume change and then Big Wheel, which I must say, is really growing on me, since I didn’t care for it at first, but it could become as popular as one of her other singles. Fairytale was lovely, as Scarlet’s Walk is a the definitive road trip album and after being on the road for 5 hours that day it was very lovely to hear. And the boy whose picture Niki took for him had requested it, so I was excited to see what would happen for me. Tear in Your Hand was sort of weird in the middle since I'm so used to it being an encore, but anything from Earthquakes is good to hear.
When she started Northern Lad I was excited, but the improv about messing up and her boys helping her out and it being a Spud day was so cool. I was even happier to hear Putting the Damage On as any Pele is good Pele. I love this song more then Northern Lad, so it was a positive trade in my eyes. The improv was gorgeous and apparently similar to what she had performed in Houston. I’ll need to listen to it more in the bootleg. It said Coraline or maybe “call Rolene” a lot and something about Navajo, it reminded me of the last show she played in this theatre on the Scarlet’s Walk tour in 2003 and it was the day that we learned of the first women to die in the Iraq war, who also happened to be a Hopi Indian, perhaps Tori was reminded of this or maybe else brought it out, but that’s what I thought of. I now felt spoiled getting 2 improvs and this made up for the lack of improvs in the Salt lake show. What came next was also a repeat from the 2003 Boise show and that was Not the Red Baron which was heartbreakingly beautiful and poignant. But what happened next I was not prepared for. Seeing Tori in salt lake at the sound check I had asked if in Idaho, Black Swan could come and Tori’s expressions told me that she thought it was a plausible idea. At the meet’n’greet before the show I reminder about my request and she once again wrote it on her hand and asked if we’d be at any other show and I told her this was my last. So seeing as how this was the 2nd song of the 2 song solo time when she started the piano intro it sure sounded like Black Swan to me, but I didn’t want to get too excited just in case I was wrong, as piano intros can turn into something else quickly. I was not disappointed when those first notes rang out for Black Swan I started to tear up. This song reminds me of when my husband was in Iraq. I would wait for him to call me everyday, so whenever I hear “did Eric call, by the way” it brings it all back. I’ve been to Tori shows on many tours and while there have been touching moments where I’ve teared up, I’ve never really cried, maybe shed a tear, but I full on cried for a minute. It really meant something to me those Tori was willing to play a song, just because I wanted to hear it and just because it would mean something to me. Thinking about it now makes the tears come to my eyes. This is why I’m still a fan almost a decade and half later, because even though she’s a superstar now and has people fawning all over her and her every whim, she hasn’t forgotten the people that buy her records and she still gives the fans, the “little people” the respect that we deserve. This is moment I will treasure even when I’m old and gray. Coming off that high was Black Dove which does always seem to go with Black Swan. Birds of a feather I suppose. Bliss was rocking and of course Code Red, which while growing more on me, isn’t really hitting home for me. Maybe first base. Maybe. Rushed the stage and our amazing 3rd row seats turned into being almost right against the stage. No one was pushy or rude, at least near me, so that was great that we could all be polite to each other. Some people are saying that Cornflake Girl and Precious Things are getting old. I can see that if you’re going to every show. You hear it so many times, but most people only see one, maybe two shows. Those people want to hear the hits. I’m really struck by how much fun Tori still has with them every night. She wasn’t phoning in these standards, she was having a good old time, and I think it has to do with the skill that these songs take. She’s rocking that piano for Precious and Cornflake and while these songs are probably what make the shows seem more like an actual job than just awesome fun, she still finds a way to enjoy them and I think she feeds off how the people respond to it.
I was thrilled to hear Concertina as this is my favorite off of Venus and was impressed to see how much Venus made it into tonight’s show, it’s an album I tend to forget but I think I’ll be pulling out again and giving it a whirl. Finished off with Hey Jupiter of course. During this song and through out the whole set I noticed that Tori skipped whatever high parts she could get away with. Maybe it’s because this was her 3rd night in row performing and she was tired or maybe she was holding back for some reason and while I missed those high parts I don’t think it took too much away from the evening. I have to put this as my all-time favorite show because of the T & Bo section solely. Niki and I left on a high and though we were really tired we couldn’t get to sleep for a while. Driving home we listened to a lot of Tori and I think we are both really grateful that we choose to go to Boise and see this amazing show.

Here a Pip and There a Tori

I knew that Pip would be opening because of the sound check but I guessed as much because she’s the doll that hasn’t been out for a while. Since this wasn’t a Ticketmaster venue, there were no VIP tickets, but the radio station did a giveaway for basically the same thing. We got to listen to 3 songs and then have her sign one item and then group photos, no personal photos, which was rather disappointing. For the actual sound check before we were let back I heard Big Wheel, Smokey Joe, Heart of Gold, Hey Jupiter, Digital Ghost and I swear I heard Concertina, which made me excited since I love that song, but she didn’t come out for the show.
For the fan “sound check” she played Almost Rosey with the band and then a solo Leather. After we clapped she thanked us and told us basically that this was a practice and she needed to see how her monitors sounded with and without the band and these s may or may not come out to play during the show. She pulled out a piece of paper and from what I could see from the reflections on the Bosey they were lyrics, I was super excited. We got to hear Little Drummer Boy. It was truly a great start for our holiday season. We were walked off behind the stage and told to stand in a line and be quiet because they were going to be recording a few songs. From the backstage area we heard Little Drummer Boy again and also Leather, so maybe this will be on a new holiday CD? We all got to spend a few minutes with Tori and it was amazing to me that once again she was so personable and really friendly. She was wearing a gorgeous black beaded blouse and a pencil black skirt with knee high black boots and she looked great and it made me sad that she would change into the sequined jumpsuit later. I spoke with her and was a blithering idiot, but that lady, she’s nice to everyone. I had brought my book to the Piano: Collection because it’s beautiful and I love it. This was actually a present to myself last year after Hayley was born, so looking through the book reminds me of those early days. I mentioned that to Tori and kind of hoped she would pickup on the fact that I was mentioning my little on purpose as I had brought some photos with me just in case. Which sounds weird except that when we met Tori backstage in ’02 some showed her pictures of her baby and Tori pulled out pictures of Tash, but I guess we can’t have everything. Tori asked me if I played (the piano) and I told her a little, I felt nervous since I’m kind of crap at it. Then I told her that the way I learned to play was on the song “Here. in my Head” which I have told her before but we’re not buds or anything, so I doubt that she remembers that (or me!). I gave her a piece of prose that I had written that was very Scarlet inspired and hopefully she read it, but she’s busy. It was less then a page! Come on! I then asked if she could play “Black Swan” in Boise and she definitely looked like she would really consider it. I know she hadn’t played it this tour yet and my asking for random b-sides usually means that no, she wont’ play that, but she wrote it on her hand and then it was Niki’s turn to talk to her. Niki had her sign Beekeeper for our friend, so Niki is really unselfish and she’s going to get lots of good karma.
On to the actual show!
Niki wasn’t feeling well and wanted to be in tip top shape for our road trip the next day, so in an effort to spread more good cheer, she declined the free seat to the show with me and I got to enjoy the show with my adorable little friend Magen. We suck our cameras in to take some video and saw that our free seats were not crap, but actually fairly awesome. Pip opened and the raw energy from her was palpable. So aggressive and a wonderful way to start the show. We got to start out in full throttle. Standing and singing for most of her delivery of Cruel. She was in her green dress with her rubber leggings and looked amazing. I don’t know how, but those dolls all look about 25, so Tori must be eating her greens. Kneeling for Fat and then she did some push ups? It was kind of awesome but weird, but that Pip I guess. Teenage Hustling was spot on and the Waitress. I adore the “hang ten honey” bridge more than the rest of the song, so getting to hear it live again was a dream come true. Magen was loving how rockin’ the show was, lots of dancing and big cheers when she recognized songs. She had a great time sing along too.
Costume change and the boys jammed. A lot of people were up and dancing and grooving and it was a lot of fun. I was a bit nervous about it, since I’m not a fan of the Professional remix, but it was good. It was time to get out all the wiggles for those of us who can’t sit still too long.
She came back out in the gold jumpsuit, that we’re all getting used to, but I miss the really flowy or fun things she used to wear. Big Wheel of course, but it was lovely, better than the album and fun for the audience too! I think some people weren’t aware of the “don’t you forget” sing along but they picked it right up from those that knew the drill.
Caught a Lite Sneeze is a personal favorite so that was a highlight for me, but I miss the harpsichord and the switching keyboards for the bridge, but we can’t have it all (but I’m pretty sure one of those fancy keyboards could sound like a harpsichord, I’m just sayin') It was fun seeing when people started to recognize Crucify and Magen was in heaven when she played this.
She didn’t talk much, just once before introducing the band. She said she had a wonderful day and that she was so happy that she could play for us. That we were “magical” people. I think this is probably in reference to the auctioned off piano lesson that helped needy children in Utah. The generous person who won donated the lesson to one of these under-privileged kids. How un-selfish can you be considering the final price was $9,000! She played Mother and it was stunning. I wish I could have better concentrated as the loud drunk s were in my section and between them and the people yelling at them to shut up, it was hard to enjoy, but I managed. Then the lovely Merman. So heartbreakingly beautiful and very emotional, which once again was almost perfect due to the screaming. I’m trying to be all Zen and think that everyone has the right to enjoy the concert in their own way, but it was annoying. Sorry. I was a little sad about not getting an improv, since I’ve been hearing such good things about the improvs but oh well.
Digital Ghost was very sweet and it’s really so much better live, even though I do like the album version. She played Amber waves which was a disappointment for me, it’s the once track on Scarlet that I don’t listen to. It is better live, but not enough to redeem it. Father Lucifer was something I was hoping for. In Utah we usually get this song and God (for some reason, I don’t get it) but I still love it and the Steve McQueen ending is probably my favorite part of any song ever. It’s up there for me.
I was hoping that hearing Code Red live would help me like it since everyone says that hearing it live is such a treat. Meh, I could do without it, but it is fairly rocking and I could wiggle to it. She started Pretty Good Year and I actually squealed like a little . I wasn’t expecting that and I love the song. I also love that my friend jumped when she got to the “hey what’s it gonna take” part because she wasn’t expecting it to start rocking. She sang the “pretty she is” line, she probably always does now, but I love hearing it. Hey Jupiter to close, and while I was sad to see tori go, it was time. The concert was amazing, it was everything that I could have hoped, Tori was full of energy and was very playful, although she did seem to stay more to her lower register while singing, but she just could have been in a growly mood. She didn’t really play too much stuff from the new album which is fine, I love hearing the back catalog, but I was hoping for more off of Scarlet, and Beekeeper album was noticeably absent, but that’s not a bad thing. But really with so much from Earthquakes and Pink and even one Pele song, I am definitely happy. After the show Magen and I walked to our cars and listened to the videos from our little cameras before calling it a good night.

Sing When You're Winning

I know I've been talking a lot of smack lately about Tori's new album, and while i do stand by most of my criticisms, I can't help but liking it a bit. It also helps that she's going to be here in concert tomorrow. And then Niki and I are going to go to Idaho to see her the next day.
But really, how awesome is this, I won tickets! I wasn't going to go to the Salt lake show because I forgot they were going on sale until a few hours later and then all the floor was gone, and it seemed silly to pay so much money to see her from the cheap seats. I still wanted to go, but for cheap, or free, because I'm like that. Niki and I decided that since we saw Tori in Idaho a few years back, in this same venue, it would be a great rode trip for us and we wound up getting 3rd row seats. Thank goodness Idahoans don't go to concerts because of all the potato farming they do.

But the best part is, not only do I get to see the concert for free, but we also get to sit in on the sound check and then have her sign something!! If this had been a Ticketmaster venue, this would be called the "VIP Ticket" and would have been about $150 to purchase. Free. Bless that radio station. I'm so excited that last night I couldn't get back to sleep for about 1 1/2 hours. It's like I'm a kid and it's Christmas. I don't know what to wear or how to do my hair. Freak. I'm so excited. I'm such a little fan girl. but I'm also excited about missing work, which is my favorite part of any trip, the time off! Of course the 5 hour drive isn't going to be any cakewalk but I'll take it over what I've got!

Happy 14 Thankful Months

This month has been one of mood swings. You are all smiles and laughter unless you get tired or hungry and then it's all vengeful wrath! But the good still seems to outweigh the bad. You are running around like a little crazy person now and it's adorable. You babble all the time, mostly just "da da da da" and sometimes "DA DA DA DA" and a few other consonants, but not too many. You are getting so big, but it can't be because we are feeding you, because you don't like anything. Nothing with any sort of texture, you will chew up peas and then spit those suckers right out, and things that don't seem quite 'right' also get spit out. And when you've decided you are done tasting whatever we're feeding you, it gets spit out, and mostly there is just a lot of spitting things out.

You didn't eat anything related to Thanksgiving on that day. Not even the sweet potatoes. I blame your grandparents for scheduling food at 3:00 pm, because we had to feed you lunch before that, so you were full and even turned your nose up to pie. You weirdo.

You did get to play with your cousins on Thanksgiving, which you really took to. You just walk right up to those girls and start to play with them, no getting to know people or figuring out who they are, if they are child-sized, they need to play with you. Which is great for your socialization, which seems to be that mostly you love everyone, even strangers, except for when you don't.

You've really been getting this waving thing down. You wave all the time, especially when you're ready for bed, you wave to daddy as I cart you up the stairs and you'll wave usually on demand most of the time. It's funny because it goes from simply opening and closing your fingers to a real whole hand wave and sometimes both at the same time. You will also fold your arms when instructed to, which means you are more advanced then some kids twice your age. Of course your 'folded arms' are sometimes just putting the backs of your hands together, i know you get the general idea and it's so freaking adorable.

You've been having a great time with daddy and I'm so jealous that he's your favorite. He knows all your schedules and what you do all day, so that's been nice, where I know that he's taking really good care of you, but i just wish it was me. But maybe soon it will be! Daddy just got a new job that I may be able to switch to part time! That would be something at least and then we could spend more time together. Maybe soon enough baby girl.

Love ya Kiddo,

Mama

And I hate , and I Hate , And I Hate Elevator Music

I want to stop caring. I work at at job where mostly I couldn't care less, I go through the motions of making decisions, but sometimes I'm following policy and BAM! I'm fighting for this policy, this stupid, inane policy to be followed by those people who tell me that this policy (which falls just short of a state law although, maybe it is?) doesn't matter. And all the sudden I care. I care whether the policy is actually being followed and every day I'm consumed with angst and frustration and I have to go to this job and pretend that it doesn't bother me that my bosses stab me in the back. At least I stood up for what was right and actually fought this time rather than just keeping my mouth shut in disbelief that these people ignore these state mandates that I'm just trying to uphold, fat lot of good it did me. I even went straight to the top this time. I got the opinion of someone on the board that actually writes this policy and he totally sided with me. I reported this back to those who make my life miserable and now not only did they still blatantly ignore the policy, they are upset with how I went over their heads.
I just want to not care. I that I'm sitting here being so upset, being in tears, losing sleep, feeling worthless and depressed all for a job that I don't even like. It makes it even worse that I have this lowly job and I'm so worked up about it, and this isn't even something that affects me personally, but I'm taking it so personally.
It's like if I was a french-fry maker at a fast food company. Lots of people want fries. But the fries need to be consistent, so corporate sent all the french fry makers in the company a guideline that tells how the fries should be made. I try to stick to the policy and find that within this policy some of the fries are defective and should be thrown away, but then my manager comes to me tells me that I can't follow this policy because those fries deserve to get processed just like all the other fries who do fit into the guidelines, and I say, "But this could make people sick" and my manager is more concerned with his bottom-line, so I call corporate and they tell me, yes follow the policy and I tell this to my manager and still he tells me to serve those dang fries. And I can tell you this, if corporate is going to blame someone for the policy not being followed, it's not going to be my manager, it's going to be me, because this is my job and the manager is obviously too important to be blamed for his decisions.
I just want to be done. I want to walk in there and tell them to kiss off. But I can't. But it looks like if I'm going to be the one working, I will be doing a job search. I can't work like this. I know I sound like a broken record because this happens over and over, and I know everyone around me is sick of hearing about how I am so upset about this, but seriously, it's all I can think about. When I'm washing my face I'm thinking about my arguments that I used to defend my position and the things I should have said. While I'm going to sleep I list off all the different reasons that this situation doesn't fit the guidelines. During commercials I think about how much I never want to see that place again and how I'm going to act around these people now that my fighting for what I believe in makes me look like an overly-emotional and unprofessional person. I think of all the ways I can look like I'm working and yet not be working because my filling up my work with such spite that it's best I just take a break from it.
I want to stop this cycle of my job making me feel like the actual work that I do everyday is completely irrelevant and they might as well have an automated APPROVED machine and they wouldn't have to give it benefits and think of the savings!
I want to be done with it. I don't want to be dwelling on this on my weekend. MY weekend. My time away from work to spend with my family and now everything I do is lethargic and lacking emotion, probably because I spent it all getting overly emotional on work crap that no one else cares about, so why should I? Why should I indeed.
This is a brain-dump so that hopefully I can go to sleep and then wake up to spend my Saturday loathing the thought that Monday will come sooner than I think.

Halloween Treats

So Hayley went trick or treating! Sort of. We walked to about 5 houses, mostly to show off her cuteness. She loved it because she got suckers and also there were dogs everywhere! In our short time we got to pet 3 puppies and one even licked her face and knocked her down a couple times because it was so excited! But Hayley was excited too, so she didn't care. It was funny because she walks pretty well now and for about 10-15 feet at a time she could actually stay focused on moving forward with Husband and me before she decided that she needed to eat the leaf/smashed berry/rock on the sidewalk, but those things are hard to pick up when you have a sucker in one hand and your treat bag/purse in the other. Those are both precious things that she couldn't put down, so trying to pick up the debris from the street was difficult and gave me time to pick her up so that we could get moving again and get our little puppy out of the cold.

She showed her grandparents how adorable she was and got some candy before we headed home to make sure we didn't miss the 4 trick or treaters that came to out house. Then Hayley decided that sleep is for sissies and spent the next 1 1/2 hours screaming and not sleeping. I was about ready to call the gypsies or maybe the Goblin King but memories of how cute she was earlier kept me from this.

13 Spooky Months

Well Little One, since before you were born, your father has wanted you to go deer hunting with him. He has now had his wish. True, you didn't go out on the mountian (although you were asleep in the car when he went "scouting" so it's almost like you did) and sit in the cold, but you did wear your camo coveralls with an orange shirt and hang out in the grandparents trailer for 2 days, which is all anyone could ask of you.

Sometimes I'm amazed that your already 13 months and sometimes I can't believe you are only 13 months. You do seem to have this maturity about you. You are incredibly self-sufficent, so imagine my surprise when I give you spaghetti to feed yourself and you end up smashing it into your hair instead.

You are content to play on your own, but really want to play with others, already so social. But you also want what you want, when you want. There's no stopping you when you're determined to do/eat/play with something.

You talk up a storm, but only when you think no one is listening. In the car you are a fount of noises and sounds, but if I try to respond to you most of the time you'll clam right up. But you totally have the hang of uh-oh and woah and I swear you were saying "see" for horsies this weekend. You're almost to the point where you'll copy words from us, almost. Most times I can say "mama" at you until I'm blue in the face with no response but sometimes when I tell you "no" you respond "o" back at me.

You're such a stinker too. Always getting into things you're not suppose to (garbage cans, fire places, potted plants, etc) and you know what you shouldn't touch, because those are the things you want the most. But we try to keep you relatively safe, as long as it doesn't involve much effort. Distraction only works for you if we can provide you with something you really want, and you rarely want your toys more than you want something I just threw away.

For Halloween you're going to be the cutest little Dalmation. I'm trying to determine how to let you celebrate, should I drag you to the neighbors homes for candy that you know I'm going to eat for you (to make sure it's safe!) or just be at home all dressed up with nowhere to go? I'm going to start putting you into your costume everyday until Halloween. I paid over $10 for that thing, there's no way you're only going to wear it once.

But all in all, there's nothing else I would rather be doing than being your mom.

Love ya Boo!

PS I totally had this done over a week ago, but I'm too lazy to upload photos

Figured it Out

When Morrissey was here, he sang a song called "Sister, I'm a Poet" and one of the lyrics is "Turning, turning, turning the knife/On everything except her own life." Thinking about this song a bit and trying to really get a feel for the new Tori Amos album 'American Doll Posse' has finally clicked. Tori is now "Tori" and she's not a real person! Hello! No wonder! I was trying to think of a song from the new album that has the same introspective and personal lyrics that are evident in the whole 'Little Earthquakes' album and even showing up in 'Scarlet's Walk' in songs like "Your Cloud" But now, now we have a Persona Tori thing that is writing songs, songs that have nothing to do with the "personal" but more to do with the political. It's all through a filter of fiction, which means the songs aren't even close to being personal. The last album was really the start of this, with the only personal song being a song for her daughter, but nothing really for "Tori"

The whole thing smacks of illusion. This"Tori" person that we thought we loved, doesn't exists anymore, but instead the "Tori" is really want she thinks we want. We got all the slow melodies from the last album, so now it's time for the warrior woman. Unfortunately she's been warring with the same old song since 1992. Can you imagine that she's taken a b-side "Sweet Dreams" a song that she didn't even feel was good enough to make the album originally and she's turned that song into 25 and put them on an album?

There are moments on this album that I love. They seem to be the glimpses back into when "Tori" was Tori and could access her emotions during the music. During "Dragon" before the sickly sweet chorus, it almost hearkens back to 'Pele' and there are some times things rock like "Body and Soul" before she draws out the word "conversion" into 18 syllables and "Bouncing off Clouds" if you ignore all the oddly phrased lines.

While I'm excited to see her in Boise with Niki in December, I'm more excited for the live aspect of music that I love, rather then hearing the new songs. She can play a crowd very well and she always promises a show. She is a true performer and I think she really does love being on the stage, but I feel some of my fandom slipping away. Her kookiness is a bit too kooky for me now I guess. It's hard to relate to the music when it's so lacking in spirit.

Oh "Tori" could you please bring back the girl and her piano?

How Soon is Now?

Monday October 15th brought Morrissey to Utah once again. He performed at Thanksgiving Point at at very small venue called the Barn. Because, well it looks like a barn.

I was a bit worried, I didn't get ticket right when they came out because I didn't know if anyone would come with me and I didn't want to spend $60 to go and stand on my own and leave on my own and go home, etc, etc. But the lovely Erika said she wanted to go and eventually we bought tickets which were only row 9 which seemed very, very good. We drove down with our Taco Bell crispy twists and our excitement building. Going into the venue we both noticed that the seating looked very much like we were at a work conference, it was a very small venue and our row 9 tickets were almost the last row before the first and only tier level. We walked around the venue, which didn't take much time at all and looked at all the new Morrissey shirts. Too bad I'd already gotten a shirt last concert and could see spending more money, but I really could have gone for one of the red or green "Lads Club" shirts instead. Or the Je Sui Morrissey one, it's clever.

Anyway, Kristeen Whatsherface played her set and I want to like her, but really it's just so much feedback and noise that it's difficult. Someone yelled at her that all her songs sound the same. She started the keyboards for the next song and said "Really sir, you think this song sounds the same as the last one?" and then all the feedback started, and yes, it did sounds a lot like the last song since it's mostly just a wall of noise with her wailing in the background. She's just hard to appreciate live I guess.

After her set, I told Erika we really should join the crowd standing up front by the stage and so we pretended to get some cheesy nachos and picked a spot stage right just off the corner where the crowd didn't seem so big. After the old video montage I ended up standing behind a tall girl who was up against the railing and Erika was right behind me. He came out and I think this was the closest I've ever been to him. When we saw him at Salt Air the stage was a lot longer and so it was very rare for him to really be near us, but here he played up the sides of the stage and gave us a great show. Lot's of Smiths songs like 'Stretch Out and Wait' and 'Shoplifters' which are favorites of mine and also 2 songs from Vauxhall, which I feel is my first real Morrissey album, since it was the first release after I was introduced to Mozzer. 'Death of a Disco Dancer' and 'Jack the Ripper' were also some highlights. Erika was rewarded with 'Dear God, Please help me' which is one of her favs and 'First of the Gang' but he messed up the second verse on that because of being so interested in the crowd and the stage invaders. Morrissey was incredible chatty and said lots of amusing things. The thing that amused Erika and I was his comment about how Tony Blair was finally out of the UK and next year we would be done with the "munchkin" meaning Bush and people cheered. Erika commented that more than likely the people cheering had either voted for Bush or not voted at all, but we want Morrissey to like us. I find it interesting that people will seriously take political advise from pop stars and actors, since the only reason people is the fame factor, but that's another discussion.

He asked some kid if we were close to Ogden and the guy said yes. We all yelled no. I wish I had been given the mic to answer, I'm not a retard.

The girl in front of me was able to touch his hand twice when he proffered it to the crowd, but even with as tall as she was, she had to move around the barrier to do so, and I ended up being about 4-5 inches from being able to touch him, but oh well, I would have had to wash my hand again sometime.

After ward Erika and I, not learning anything from the last show, walked around the venue a bit. After meeting some guy from Phoenix we decided the best view of an exiting Morrissey would come from the other side of the venue. When we got there we were so shocked to see a huge crowd. Boz was there signing things and talking to blokes on people's cell phones. He was really funny and sounded just like Ricky Gervais from The Office. We got to keep the Sharpie that he was signing things with and he jumped on the band's tour bus. Then Morrissey come out, we cheered and he waved. Surrounded by security guards he jumped onto his own bus and it quickly drove away and we could see just a bit of him as the bus drove past, which was way better than the last time. We left feeling all giddy and extremely happy. We got some ice cream from Scone Cutters and sat in my car in the driveway and talked about music and artists and ti was really fun.

I love that I was able to introduce someone to Morrissey and they really came to love him and his music. It's interesting for Erika because she likes Morrissey more then the Smiths and was introduced to all of the songs at the same time, so she really has lots of love for the new album and songs, unlike the rest of us who have old favorites that he'll probably never play again. It was also odd to think that even though he wrote the lyrics to the Smiths songs and Johnny Marr wrote the music, they are really his. There's no way Johnny would be able to get away with playing these songs in concert, being in another singer (or singing them himself, which I think he has done once or twice) and they get the same kind of reaction. Morrissey made the Smiths. There can't be any argument that Marr is a great guitarist, but Morrissey owns it. He's the life blood of every Smiths song. I'm really glad that he's started playing these songs because they are such classics and everyone loves them so much.

All in all, a 100% successful trip!

Falling Apart

Does it mean that I have cancer if my lips have been tingly for days? I put on lip balm, but it's no use, for some reason it feels like a little tiny fire has been lit on the left side of my mouth. It's not really painful, just slightly distracting and disconcerting.
Also, I coloured my hair, and in retaliation, it's all falling out. It could be that now that the hair itself is darker I notice it more, but I think it's much more sinister than that. Every time I turn around there's anther hair, clinging to my arm or shirt and let's not even discuss what my brush looks like after I comb my hair after the shower. It's crazy! I'm hoping that wigs these days are better than they were in the Dynasty era. At least if people figure out I'm wearing a wig (like it falls off during a trip to the grocery store into the pile of oranges) that I have cancer and my hair feel out due to the chemo. Maybe I should do some chemo just in case I do have cancer. Maybe it'll be kind of like getting a flu shot. A little anti-cancer vaccine? Probably not.

Anyway. So I've come to terms with this post-baby body. I will never look like Heidi Klum or Jessica Alba, so why try? I've finally decided to buy some clothes that actually fit me, because after a year of working out and trying to lose some of this baby phat, I'm resigned to the fact that this jiggle isn't going anywhere, so rather than look at my closet full of clothes that no longer fit, I'm just going to go buy clothes that actually do fit. I say this with resolve now, but I'm sure once I get under those fluorescent lights in the dressing room, I'll bawl my eyes out and refuse to buy any of the "fat lady" clothes. I'm just so tired of trying to find a wardrobe that 's cute out of old t-shirts and stretch pants (oh the shame!) since I don't even own a pair of jeans that fit me anymore (except the maternity jeans, oh good ol' pregnant clothes!) so rather than lament the lost of my waist, I will accept that my genes are not thin genes and won't get me into any thin jeans in the near future. This is not accepting defeat as much as it accepting the present. I'm not going to stop exercising or trying my best to not eat every pie in this zip code and the next, but if a year can't turn me around, then I need to accept that things haven't worked out as well as I had hoped and realize that winter will be a cold dark time to not have any pants, so I will go shopping, and while i doubt I will find any enjoyment this time, I may find something a little more flattering then the baggy shirts and the lack of pants I currently experience.

To The Unwashed Masses

I just read Stephen Fry's lengthy blessay (blog essay http://www.stephenfry.com/blog/?p=19) and while he's incredibly honest and funny about the whole thing it really does bring home that fan girls, like myself, are blips on the radar. They are one-dimensional. They are boorish. While they help pay the bills, they are also a necessary nuisance.

I wanted to blog something amusing today. I wanted to bring some lightness to my blog, but for some reason the only things I seem to post things that I don't know where else to put.

But after reading this, it breaks my heart a little. Yeah I know me and Tori Amos or never going to be BFFs, but it's a lovely innocent dream to think that having a deep conversation over a cuppa tea or a good curry. Must it be so ridiculous that I should stop investing my day dreaming into it?

Although, it's been interesting to discover Stephen's (Mr. Fry's) blog, because I can hear his voice while I read it and I love the quintessentially British feel of his writing and the humor infused in it.
So I'm going to keep reading his blog and we'll see what happens to those little day dreams about curry with the famous. Perhaps I'll try and let that die, along with the fan-girl part of my soul.

Deadlines

(Although I want the Matt Nathanson post to stay at the top forever, life must go on)

For those of you who know me, you know that I've been desperate to get out of this work situation so that I have more time to sit around and watch soap operas and eat bon-bons, I just wanted to commemorate the last of the deadlines having past and once again being no closer to the bon-bon goal. Yesterday was the last. I no longer have any set dates to finish my employment. I can now be here forever! Hurrah!

I know that I should be patient and all that, but I feel like I've been patient enough the last 10 months Husband should have been working on this employment thing, but he let his temporary job rule his life and it didn't leave time for things like job-hunting or sleeping, so I try not to begrudge him the fact that nothing has happened, but I'm ticked off! I've been working this job that I do no enjoy because we need some health care in case one of us gets sick or we fell down a well or something and to pay the bills, but now it's the only thing supporting us and I feel a bit taken advantage of. I work hard all day (not blogging, as you can see from my track record) and then I get to go home and sometimes I get to relax but sometimes Husband has had a hard day of trying to keep up with the little girl and can't manage some dinner, and I understand that not everyday is going to be walking into a spotless home. I don't help much, but I feel like I'm justified in the level of housework I do most of the time, but I would like a little organization or some clearing of the general mess that lives in our house.
It's true that husband has only been jobless for about 2 weeks and that's a very short amount of time to have really devoted to the job search, but seeing my last deadline pass without having another to follow in it's place has left me a little defeated.

So I'll sit at work and eat my carrots and celery and watch the clock like a hawk and see the minutes of my life given to something that I care very little for while I miss my little girl and the opportunity to really clean my house (that's weird isn't it? I blame it on how much my job sucks.)

The Beat of Our Noisy Hearts

Okay, so remember last month when meeting Matt Nathanson (http://www.mattnathanson.com/) he said he might play a solo show in Provo? Well, this time he knew what he was talking about. On Friday September 21st, 2007, Matt Nathanson played a little club/venue called Velour (which I don’t understand in the slightest, shouldn’t it have velour wall paper or something?)
On the party list with me was of course the faithful Patrizia and her friend Brenda and my friends Erika and Magen. Erika had been listening to Matt for a just over a day and Magen had gotten to hear 4 songs before the show, so I was a bit nervous, but I knew that Matt could win over anyone.
Trish graciously offered to drive us in your SUV and so after we all discovered where she lived we headed to the Maverick for drinks and then it was on to Provo. As we drove we told stories of how people refer to Provo as “God’s Country” so we started calling it the GC for fun and giggles. After a long drive through P-town we got to the venue, there was already a small line outside. We hopped into line but not before I snuck a glace inside and there was Matt on stage in a black t-shirt! We waited outside and the weather was nice, but Magen and Erika were going to have a potty emergency, so we went into the nearby record shop that also happened to have a photo booth! So much fun came from that.

After some lameness that only the 7 people who had previously bough tickets could get in first and we waited patiently to purchase tickets we got in. Mostly people were lining the walls on the risers and the couches and sitting at the tables, but we weren’t there to relax, we were there to rock! So we snagged some places right up front by the stage.
The open act took the stage and that’s when sacrament meeting started or so we thought, since from all corners we were met with “shhhhh!” as if the prayer were starting! I know we weren’t the only ones talking, but the people around us seemed really irritated that we dared(!) to comment on the singer and other things like how if he was playing the spoons, it would have been much more entertaining. The guy was good, I think his name was Jeff Stone or something. He was okay, a bit mono-rhythm for me. Then someone else came on with his acoustic guitar and I liked him a bit better, although his cover of GooGoo Dolls ‘Name’ was best left uncovered. He had more range in rhythms and sound, so I liked him more but Magen and Erika were talking about how this wasn’t their “thing” and these guys weren’t very original. I think his name was John Allred, which is pretty unoriginal, but that’s his parent’s fault. But seeing him after the show, he seemed like he was kind of a prick anyway. But now I was getting nervous, Magen and Erika weren’t into the opening acts, so what would happen if they didn’t like Matt? Would they stone me? Would they continue to be my friend after I made them spend $10 and come down to the GC? Only time would tell.

Then Matt came out and the crowd went wild. Obviously they were here to see Matt and that was awesome.
Then Matt interacted with the crowd, he was obviously blown away by the people’s response. He started with ‘Car Crash’ and before each song he would tell stories or talk to the crowd and interact. It was so much fun. During the first song, Erika pulled me right up front and center. I got to look up Matt’s nose and see that he doesn’t have any fillings, because I was really close. I wanted to grab his foot a few times. He played an amazing set, no real surprises, but then I’m sure he was trying to play songs that even the casual listener would know and get really into. He did a lot of sing-a-long songs like Prince’s ‘Starfish and Coffee’ and ‘Suspended’ and the crowd pleaser ‘Answering Machine.’ Up front with me were a bunch of guys who obviously considered themselves uber fans, since they tried to out sing Matt at every song. I totally get the whole “I want to sing along” thing and I think it’s fine. I usually only mouth the words or sing really softly if there’s not a sing-a-long part, I want people to be able to appreciate the artist that we all paid money to see, but these guys had no such courtesy. I’m sure they wanted Matt to know that people in Utah know who he is and love him, but I don’t think they needed to remind him of all the lyrics to all the songs he’s ever written. They were really annoying after awhile. But that not withstanding, it was great! The only weirdness was when someone made his way up to stage and at the end asked for a song that Matt had already played and Matt explained that to him and them after that, several people in the back yelled out for the same song! It was weird, like they wanted the Cure to play “that drip, drip, drip song” again. Matt dealt with the people not playing attention and those that didn’t sing along really well. He called attention to them and probably made them feel like jerks, but it was funny for the rest of us to watch!

Afterwards while we were waiting for Matt to come out to do his little Meet’n’greet with fans, as he always does, a guy who had picked up Matt’s guitar pick and the setlist came up to me and offered me the setlist since he had gotten 2 things and he said he could tell I was a huge fan of Matt. That was when everyone told me that the whole concert I have big, puppy-dog eyes the whole time I’m looking at him. I knew I’m a total fan girl when it comes to him, but I didn’t know it was quite so obvious! Also, Erika noticed that while cleaning up the stage, they had left Matt’s sweat rag laying there. She asked me if I wanted it. Which, I hate to admit it, but when I saw him using it, I really wanted it. But then I thought “What would I do with a sweaty towel?” and common sense took over, luckily Erika can get me to do anything, so she grabbed the towel for me and I was so excited!
So Matt came out and we got to talk with him and take pictures, they turned out awesome! We chatted with him and I had him sign a hundred things. Trish had been the brave girl she always is and took 2 posters off the door of the venue as we came in, so I had him sign the poster (which reads: Willow is Queen!) and then I had him sign the setlist (Willow is the best ever!) and the towel (Sweat Rules!) and then there was a miscellanous guitar pick on the stage while we were stealing sweat rags and I picked it up and asked Matt if it was his, he said he didn’t think so but signed it anyway (This isn’t my pick-MN.) I got so many hugs and I had to apologize for my question from the EndZone performance about Howie Day and told him that my other question was “How could someone so bubbly and happy and full of energy write such sad songs?” and he told me it was his bi-polar-ness getting out. I thanked him for playing “Come on Get Higher” which was a very sensual song solo and the album doesn’t convey that at all. I’m sure I said lots of things that were stupid and all fan girl of me, but I don’t remember them all, at least this time I didn’t tell him that my sister hated him.

Brenda, Magen, Patrizia (getting cozy!) The Man!, Me and Erika

Of course I needed one of just him and I to make up for the blurry picture from the EndZone and I think this one turned out pretty cute. I was tempted to lick his face or something, but then I don’t want him to get a restraining order too soon. I just hope that he does get to play a show in Salt Lake this tour, once a year seeing him is not enough.





Go to iTunes http://phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewAlbum?id and you can download ‘Car Crash for FREE!! Since he’s the artist of the week or something! Get it free and join the Matt Love Revolution!

See ya soon Matt

A Year of Wonder-12 months

Wow. It’s amazing that it’s been one whole year of learning and growing. This is the big one kid. You never get another first birthday. The party was excellent. I made a monkey cake and your Grandparents made homemade strawberry ice cream. You didn’t really tear into your cake, you tasted the icing and then you were okay with this weird thing in front of you. You mostly ate the icing and grabbed the cake and just squished it in your fingers, but you also ate plenty of the sugary goodness. Almost everyone you’ve ever met was there! Plenty of good toys and cute clothes to last you for a bit, I think.
This month you’ve made the transition from learning to walk to being a real walker! Walking is getting to be old hat for you, soon it’ll be running! You’re tastes are also developing at an alarming rate. In the morning you don’t like peaches, but later that night you’ll love them like we starve you! One meal all you want is oatmeal and the next I can’t force it into your mouth to save my life! But I think that just means you’re entering toddler-dom and leaving behind the sweet attitude free infancy. But that’s not to say that you aren’t sweet. As a matter of fact this month I’ve seen your interest in others and your gentleness become a big part of you. You want to share (even though you haven’t quite figured that out yet) and you want to know other kids. You also no longer just ignore your stuffed animals or use them to lay on, now you’ll hug them and cuddle them and carry them with you.

You’ve gotten more independent, which I’m sure is part of being at so many different houses in your week. You’re content to wander away from us or for us to move away from you without you getting upset. You’re excellent at playing by yourself but you still love to watch the older kids play. You want to be in thick of things. You are so inquisitive. You want to play with everything and you want to mimic what daddy and I do. Which is great, as long as you don’t get you hands on the remote. Or the phones. You now have 3 cell phones of your own and have 2 flip phones. Of course Grandpa Larry got you your newest flip phone and hopes that now you’ll leave his alone. Of course baby cell phones have nothing on real ones.

You’re 12 month check up went great. You’re now 21.5 pounds and about 29 inches tall! Which makes you of average weight but gets you almost 70% for being tall! So I’m glad you’re able to get over the short genes your dad and I gave you, at least for the moment. I don’t know that it’ll help much down the road.

We had your 1 year pictures taken this weekend and boy you are a cute baby but so serious and your refusal to sit still meant we couldn’t get many posed photos, just action shots! You warmed up to the woman taking your pictures really quickly when you realized that she had a camera! You wanted that thing and it was pretty mean of her not to give it to you, doesn’t she know who you are?

You’re getting more teeth which is a pain for you but also one for us since you don’t’ sleep well and I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I likes me some sleep. So we’ve had some sleepless nights lately which makes me very cranky, but you’re good as gold the next morning when you end up not even sleeping in past your normal time. It’s pretty rude. But once you’ve gotten that 4th tooth all the way in, I hope to get more than 6 hours a night.
It’s been a whole year and we haven’t sold you to gypsies yet! I’m so impressed! I guess this means that we’ll keep you. Probably. I mean, the terrible twos might be a little touch and go. We’ll let you know.

The one where I start off talking about Fall to confuse you

It’s that time of year again. The leaves are starting their color changing and the air is becoming more crisp and fresh. Driving up the canyon this weekend showed the seasons early progression at those heights. The beautiful reds and golds mixed with the still vibrant greens was very beautiful. Fall has always been my favorite time of year, but I miss so much the whole back-to-school thing. I didn’t think I would yearn to be back in high school since those weren’t always happy times, and it has been 10 years since I graduated, but I miss the smell of the mornings on your first day back to school, wearing your best new outfit and the anxiety of wondering what classes will be where and if the teachers will like me. This job keeps me indoors for most of the day and soon I will miss the sunlight all together unless I go outside on a break, and it seems like the seasons pass outside my little window and I see a little something of them from behind my glass case, but I’m not a part of it. I’m separate from the seasons except what I experience when I walk from my car to my destination. There were no parks this summer. One camping trip and a few dips in the family pool, but even on those days off, I spent them indoors. It always seemed like there would be more time later and something pressing that needed to be done, and then before I knew it, the summer was over. While I love the fall and I’m glad it’s here, it seems like everything is happening so fast. I just get used to writing which month it is and then it’s on to the next. I don’t know how long I’m going to be working here, but it seems like it will be forever. 10 year down the road, I’ll be looking out the window on a windy September afternoon wondering how Hayley is enjoying her 5th grade class, with her recess and reading time. I’ve been in the mindset that I’m quitting this job since I got pregnant, which was almost 2 years ago now. There’s always something, some reason why I can’t, so it seems like this cycle will likely just continue. I’m almost resigned to it, but then I start making plans for what I’ll do with my time when I’m at home all day. I’m going to join a gym! I’m going to do projects with Hayley! I’m going to get the housework done that currently just goes without! There is a lot I want to do, and most of it involves exclamation points, but really it’s a pipe dream that I keep giving deadlines and watching them pass and then setting new deadlines and thinking that this time will be different. Maybe this time will be different, or maybe next year I’ll still be trying to figure out how to balance my life. The mom with the employee with the wife and seeing that everyone gets the time they deserve.

This was going to be a post about autumn and how I love it, but I think today has turned me a bit melancholy, and also, I’d redirect, but it’s past my time to go home and while I love my desk, I’d rather not stay here if I don’t have to.

Hanging Out With Rock Stars

So on Thursday I was able to attend an End Zone, which is a very intimate performance at the local radio station (http://www.1019theend.com/) and it just happened to be one of my favorite artists, Matt Nathanson (http://www.mattnathanson.com/)

On Wednesday I cut out of work a few minutes early to go pick up the runt, and when I climbed into the car the afternoon show was saying that the next day was an End Zone with Matt and whoever called right then could go. I called and got right through, probably because many people don't know who Matt is (they are missing out.) I was instructed to come the next day to the station and bring my camera and something for him to sign. I was so excited, especially since he wasn't come here on his current tour listing and now that I have "responsibilities" I can't just head to other states and see concerts.

I called Trizia and finally after a comedy of errors with our cell phones we worked out the finer details. She loves Matt too and even came with me when I drove to see him in Colorado.

We showed up the next day to wait until the took the small group of us to the "End Zone" area. While we waited, we filled out cards with questions. Once inside a small, conference-y looking room where Matt was set up with his guitar, Trizia and I took a seat front and center. Then it was time to get on the air. The DJ had looked over some of the questions and at one point said "wow, that's really deep!" I was called on first to ask my question. I had no idea that they were going to hand me a microphone and have me ask my question directly. I didn't know which of my many burning questions to ask directly! When I was given the mic, the DJ asked me to sing then everyone started to chant "sing, sing" and I was so embarrassed but quick on my feet, so I said that they wanted people to listen to their station. I asked my question, which was Hollywood gossip. I'm a fan of Howie Day as well, and I know the two are friends because of entries on Matt's website so I asked, "Since you and Howie Day are friends, is he really as much of a cad as people say he is?" Matt seemed very caught off guard but he is ever the showman so he said, "It's hard growing up in the public eye, and he's had his brushes with the law and with Britney Spears. But you know, he's a good guy." So basically without saying so, Howie Day is a total cad.

Trizia got to ask her/my questions next which was "When are you going to play a real show in Salt Lake?" He said there was a possibility that before the tour started in September there might be a show in Provo somewhere and also that they were working on a show at the end of the tour in Salt Lake. But then that's what he told me last time and his time frame came and went without a show, so I love him, but I don't think he know/has any control.

Another person asked which song he would choose to play over and over if he could only play one. He chose "Falling Apart" which is a new song or "Suspended" then someone asked if he could only listen to one song, what would it be. Without hesitation he said U2's "With or Without You" When asked what type of animal he would be it was a shark since he just watched shark week.

He played "Car Crash," "Come on Get Higher" and "Laid" on the air. It was interesting because talking and being near him was one thing, but when he opened his mouth to sing, the sound was incredible, and it couldn't have been the acoustics in the room because nothing else sounded that cool. It was like there was a bottle of champagne that was shook up and the stopper pulled. The room was flooded with this amazing sweet sound. The records cannot capture the essence that was in that room, it was truly amazing. After the 3 songs, we went off the air and he sang "To the Beat of our Noisy Hearts" and "Suspended" which he was maybe about a foot away from me. I could have tripped him! But I didn't. Afterward Trizia and I were first in line and I'm sure everyone hated us, but Matt said he remembered me which I can hardly believe, but I'd like it to be true. I had my picture taken and of course it was blurry, Trish looks awesome because I took her photo and I don't suck with cameras.

This really did make my month. Too bad everyone I know was not listening to the radio and completely missed my first radio appearance. Oh well, when I'm famous I'm sure you'll be able to download it online.

Me and the Man!

11 Months Moving Right Along

So, you knew I needed something huge to write about, so last night, you started to really walk. None of the pansy little one shuffle steps, but real steps. 5 or 6 of them! I was so proud of you! You didn’t think it was that big of deal. ‘Oh honestly mom, I could have started walking any time I felt like it.’ That’s so how you are.

You’ve finally got two little teeth, and your little toothy grin is hilarious. Your getting so big every day, I can’t believe that you use to be a tiny baby. You eat almost whatever you want, as long as it’s not too big. You chew everything with your gums, I don’t know if that just what babies your age do or if you’re extra smart. I think it’s that you’re extra smart and you know that soon enough, you’ll have teeth there. I’m starting to try and get you off the binkie, but it’s such a pacifier for the both of us. You love it because it makes you feel better and I love that it keeps paper out of your mouth and stops the screaming. You really don’t cry much, but when you are displeased, watch out, because you are a wrathful child. You shriek and squeak and now you’ve even got a frowny face, which is the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen. So your daddy and I laugh at you when you give us your best frown, I don’t think it’s the reaction that you’re going for.

Bath-time is still the best time, and it’s nice because I can let you play in the tub and splash in your little tub chair and I can get my make-up on or my teeth brushed at the same time, it’s such a time saver. Don’t worry, I don’t leave you alone, I know that you’re smart enough to get yourself out of your little chair and crawl naked as a jay-bird around the house if I don’t keep at least one eye on you at all times.

You’re first word really is going to be ‘kittie,’ you love all the cats. We watched a friend’s cat over the weekend, and while he didn’t like you, you love him to pieces. You chased him all over the house and were so frustrated that he kept moving to evade you. You’re little grunts while you tried to give him toys or get close enough to touch him were adorable. It’s a good thing that your sitters, past and present have cats.

Speaking of sitters, you are now going to be at Mandy’s a few days a week, this is your first week and you already have Mandy wrapped around your little finger. She sends me updates over the e-mail and pictures of your day and it makes me feel a tad better about missing you all day long. Hopefully you are learning lots there, I know she tries to teach you something new everyday.

This is your last monthly birthday before the big O-N-E year mark. It’s crazy how fast the time, but we’re already working on your party. It will be a small to largish gathering of aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents. Basically everyone you know. I can’t wait to see what you do with your cake, if you’ll dive right in or if you’ll be dainty. In a month we’ll know!

It’s been a crazy, wild ride, but definitely worth every minute.

Love you,

Mama

10 Months, Hi!

New growing and learning and everything that you would expect from the big experience of going from 9 months to 10 months. You didn't learn how to walk, but you're working very hard on balancing yourself, it's adorable, especially when you land on your little tocks. But you finally grew that first tooth! It's now pointy and white and very sharp. You've bitten me, a few times that have been quite painful, and everyone thinks that's pretty funny. But not me, it's so not funny.
You went on your first boating trip and you loved it. You spent some time swimming in the cold water and you didn't freak out! It was impressive.
It has also been very much apparent that you are the center of any conversation and the highlight of any social gathering. Our part of the boating trip involved people wanted to hold you, feed you, watch you walk around and talk about you. The next day your great-grandpa's birthday gathering was all focused on you. All the kids wanted to play with you and all the adults wanted to give you ice cream and cake. It's your lot in life to be adored. I don't know how you stand it.

There were pony tails this month! Real pony tails where I got a rubber band to stay in your hair for extended periods of time! People are saying you are starting to look more feminine and more like me and then at the check out someone will ask me how old my son is. It's your Grandpa Larry's fault. It keeps plastering your hair to your head trying to pretend your the grandson he's waiting for. I don't know what his problem is, since he loves you just the way you are 9minus the pony tail.)

This will be a pivotal month for the childcare situation. You will either go on to be in full-time daycare or we will find something new. Your dad is trying not to think about it, mostly because of the costs, but I'm trying to be realistic, we have to, we can't do what we really want to because we can't afford it. But I'm looking forward to the constant schedule and not driving 25 miles to get you to grandma's just to turn around and drive the whole way back to get to work. I think you'll also benefit from the set schedule. I have day dreams that you'll actually take naps for me and knowing when you'll want to nap and everything! It'll be crazy, but worth it/ I'm also trying to look on the bright side of life.
You are a brilliant, vibrant child and you teach me a lot. You're teaching me patience and I realise how inadequate I'm am for filling the "mother" post, but everyday things get a little more fun and a little more easy. In 2 weeks I go back to work 5 days a week and our time together will be limited, so I hope I make the most of this time we have with our 3 days weekends and I figure out just a little more about you.
Love and Kisses,
Mama

I likes me some movies

	My Flixster

It's No Mings

We've all agreed to post on our weekend excursion to Orchid and Scoopology in a Sandy strip mall. Here's a link to Mindy's blog http://mindyholman.blogspot.com/2007/07/scoopology.html and Tari, may have mentioned it on her blog http://taribrandi.blogspot.com/

Okay, so Orchid. It was nice, quaint and quiet. At least until Hayley and I showed up. Apparently we got a lot of dirty looks from the other patrons who aren't used to the shrieks of kids. The tapioca drink was totally awesome. Black tapioca in fruit infused milk shakes or milk ice, not sure, but the straw was huge to accommodate the size of the tapioca pieces. That right there was something I'd go back for. But the food was slow in coming and the community rice? The "generous portion" of rice as advertised on the menu, was lacking. I think for the 6 of us, we each got a spoonful. And then it took about 20 minutes to have a waiter other than our own bring us another woefully small portion of "generous" rice. The food itself was delicious. My food was so spicy it burned my face off, which is a good thing as long as they keep the water full, which was a problem for Mindy and Tari, who only got one refill and that was after we were completely done eating.
Of course the waiter apologized for the short staffing but only when we were all filling out his tip. That was convenient. So the bottom line: Poor service, awesome but small portions of food (and rice!) and lame waiters. It's no Mings!

Next was Scoopology(!) an ice cream place where you can get crushed cereal on your ice cream plus plenty of other mix-ins. You can also get a PB &J sandwich if your mom is too busy to make you one. So I tried several kinds of ice cream before settling on the cookie dough. The ice cream itself was bland, but cookie dough is yummy. I got marshmallows which I love with ice cream, but they weren't mixed in, they were placed under the scoop in the waffle bowl (included with every purchase) and on the top. I should have tried the chocolate lucky charms, but that is something I will just have to regret. Bottom line: it was good, but I'd take a larger helping over a waffle bowl any day. I'll go back, but I'll be thinking of Cold Stone while I'm there.

Still, it's nice to hang out with a group of friends and chat. We had a good time and really it's the company that makes the evening, and we definitely had that in spades! Love you guys!

Greeting 9 Months

So it’s official, you’ve been out growing in the world just as long as you were growing in me. Of course, I thought you were trouble then, turns out, that was nothing. And being true to your nature, just as I sat down to type this, you were messy. That was your 9 month present to me. Thanks.

So crawling is second nature, as is getting quickly up stairs and pulling yourself to standing. You are thinking you’d like to start walking, but right now you need the help of someone else that doesn’t mind walking all hunched over. To be as smart a baby as I was, you have to accomplish it by yourself in the next two weeks. Of course you've mastered clapping and now we're working on "bye." If I hold up your chubby little hand you'll start to wave and sometimes on your own, but most times you need a little help.

Eating is getting easier, of course you love your bottle but now you also love people food. Anything we’re eating. Except potatoes. You spit those out like we’re trying to poison you. And we’re so not. You love yogurt and rice-a-roni and peaches and pancakes and anything you really shouldn’t be eating, like cake. You’ve been getting lots of cake lately. You’re still figuring out the sippy cup. If you can chew on the thing and get something to drink, you think it doesn’t work. You’ll get it, I hope.

You love to be outside and I’ve been trying to take you on a walk before bed most nights. You love love love it. Sometimes you just stare at the passing sidewalk, but even that is interesting to you. You’re a weird baby sometimes.

You want a puppy. Or a kitty. We took you to the humane society and a little dog that was being brushed licked your face. You knew right then you wanted one of those hairy things.

Things that you love to play with are phones are cell phones. “Okay, call china,” is something we often say around here now. Your grandpa got you a big black monkey at Lagoon day and you love him. You love to pull on his eyebrows and squish his face to yours. It’s hilarious and adorable, the best of both worlds. Anything that rattles, so you often get to play with daddy’s pill bottles (child-proof of course) or anything you can shake and get a sound.

Sleeping is still an issue. More than an issue. If you find yourself growing up with gypsies, it’s because you never slept. Every night is a battle of wills. You always think you’ll win and I always think the same. There are many screaming matches (you, not me, I get walk away) and usually it’s about an hour from start to sleeping and this is me. You also don’t take naps and you awake at the of dawn. Of course you take naps for other people. I must be so exciting that you can’t possibly tire when you’re around me.

This parenting thing is tough but even after you’ve made me so frustrated that I let you cry it out even if it takes 15 minutes, then I come in to make sure you’re okay and the little angelic sleep thing is so cute that I forgive you for wasting my time for sleep. You’re full of giggles and sounds. You say da da (which in no way is like dada) and burble and squeal and are just so darn happy most of the time. I wouldn’t trade you for the world. You are the apple of my eye and everyone loves you and you love everyone right back. You are so open to everyone that relatives you’ve never seen and strangers all want to play with you and you want to play right back.

It’s going to be a fun life!

love ya !
Mom