How Soon is Now?

Monday October 15th brought Morrissey to Utah once again. He performed at Thanksgiving Point at at very small venue called the Barn. Because, well it looks like a barn.

I was a bit worried, I didn't get ticket right when they came out because I didn't know if anyone would come with me and I didn't want to spend $60 to go and stand on my own and leave on my own and go home, etc, etc. But the lovely Erika said she wanted to go and eventually we bought tickets which were only row 9 which seemed very, very good. We drove down with our Taco Bell crispy twists and our excitement building. Going into the venue we both noticed that the seating looked very much like we were at a work conference, it was a very small venue and our row 9 tickets were almost the last row before the first and only tier level. We walked around the venue, which didn't take much time at all and looked at all the new Morrissey shirts. Too bad I'd already gotten a shirt last concert and could see spending more money, but I really could have gone for one of the red or green "Lads Club" shirts instead. Or the Je Sui Morrissey one, it's clever.

Anyway, Kristeen Whatsherface played her set and I want to like her, but really it's just so much feedback and noise that it's difficult. Someone yelled at her that all her songs sound the same. She started the keyboards for the next song and said "Really sir, you think this song sounds the same as the last one?" and then all the feedback started, and yes, it did sounds a lot like the last song since it's mostly just a wall of noise with her wailing in the background. She's just hard to appreciate live I guess.

After her set, I told Erika we really should join the crowd standing up front by the stage and so we pretended to get some cheesy nachos and picked a spot stage right just off the corner where the crowd didn't seem so big. After the old video montage I ended up standing behind a tall girl who was up against the railing and Erika was right behind me. He came out and I think this was the closest I've ever been to him. When we saw him at Salt Air the stage was a lot longer and so it was very rare for him to really be near us, but here he played up the sides of the stage and gave us a great show. Lot's of Smiths songs like 'Stretch Out and Wait' and 'Shoplifters' which are favorites of mine and also 2 songs from Vauxhall, which I feel is my first real Morrissey album, since it was the first release after I was introduced to Mozzer. 'Death of a Disco Dancer' and 'Jack the Ripper' were also some highlights. Erika was rewarded with 'Dear God, Please help me' which is one of her favs and 'First of the Gang' but he messed up the second verse on that because of being so interested in the crowd and the stage invaders. Morrissey was incredible chatty and said lots of amusing things. The thing that amused Erika and I was his comment about how Tony Blair was finally out of the UK and next year we would be done with the "munchkin" meaning Bush and people cheered. Erika commented that more than likely the people cheering had either voted for Bush or not voted at all, but we want Morrissey to like us. I find it interesting that people will seriously take political advise from pop stars and actors, since the only reason people is the fame factor, but that's another discussion.

He asked some kid if we were close to Ogden and the guy said yes. We all yelled no. I wish I had been given the mic to answer, I'm not a retard.

The girl in front of me was able to touch his hand twice when he proffered it to the crowd, but even with as tall as she was, she had to move around the barrier to do so, and I ended up being about 4-5 inches from being able to touch him, but oh well, I would have had to wash my hand again sometime.

After ward Erika and I, not learning anything from the last show, walked around the venue a bit. After meeting some guy from Phoenix we decided the best view of an exiting Morrissey would come from the other side of the venue. When we got there we were so shocked to see a huge crowd. Boz was there signing things and talking to blokes on people's cell phones. He was really funny and sounded just like Ricky Gervais from The Office. We got to keep the Sharpie that he was signing things with and he jumped on the band's tour bus. Then Morrissey come out, we cheered and he waved. Surrounded by security guards he jumped onto his own bus and it quickly drove away and we could see just a bit of him as the bus drove past, which was way better than the last time. We left feeling all giddy and extremely happy. We got some ice cream from Scone Cutters and sat in my car in the driveway and talked about music and artists and ti was really fun.

I love that I was able to introduce someone to Morrissey and they really came to love him and his music. It's interesting for Erika because she likes Morrissey more then the Smiths and was introduced to all of the songs at the same time, so she really has lots of love for the new album and songs, unlike the rest of us who have old favorites that he'll probably never play again. It was also odd to think that even though he wrote the lyrics to the Smiths songs and Johnny Marr wrote the music, they are really his. There's no way Johnny would be able to get away with playing these songs in concert, being in another singer (or singing them himself, which I think he has done once or twice) and they get the same kind of reaction. Morrissey made the Smiths. There can't be any argument that Marr is a great guitarist, but Morrissey owns it. He's the life blood of every Smiths song. I'm really glad that he's started playing these songs because they are such classics and everyone loves them so much.

All in all, a 100% successful trip!

Falling Apart

Does it mean that I have cancer if my lips have been tingly for days? I put on lip balm, but it's no use, for some reason it feels like a little tiny fire has been lit on the left side of my mouth. It's not really painful, just slightly distracting and disconcerting.
Also, I coloured my hair, and in retaliation, it's all falling out. It could be that now that the hair itself is darker I notice it more, but I think it's much more sinister than that. Every time I turn around there's anther hair, clinging to my arm or shirt and let's not even discuss what my brush looks like after I comb my hair after the shower. It's crazy! I'm hoping that wigs these days are better than they were in the Dynasty era. At least if people figure out I'm wearing a wig (like it falls off during a trip to the grocery store into the pile of oranges) that I have cancer and my hair feel out due to the chemo. Maybe I should do some chemo just in case I do have cancer. Maybe it'll be kind of like getting a flu shot. A little anti-cancer vaccine? Probably not.

Anyway. So I've come to terms with this post-baby body. I will never look like Heidi Klum or Jessica Alba, so why try? I've finally decided to buy some clothes that actually fit me, because after a year of working out and trying to lose some of this baby phat, I'm resigned to the fact that this jiggle isn't going anywhere, so rather than look at my closet full of clothes that no longer fit, I'm just going to go buy clothes that actually do fit. I say this with resolve now, but I'm sure once I get under those fluorescent lights in the dressing room, I'll bawl my eyes out and refuse to buy any of the "fat lady" clothes. I'm just so tired of trying to find a wardrobe that 's cute out of old t-shirts and stretch pants (oh the shame!) since I don't even own a pair of jeans that fit me anymore (except the maternity jeans, oh good ol' pregnant clothes!) so rather than lament the lost of my waist, I will accept that my genes are not thin genes and won't get me into any thin jeans in the near future. This is not accepting defeat as much as it accepting the present. I'm not going to stop exercising or trying my best to not eat every pie in this zip code and the next, but if a year can't turn me around, then I need to accept that things haven't worked out as well as I had hoped and realize that winter will be a cold dark time to not have any pants, so I will go shopping, and while i doubt I will find any enjoyment this time, I may find something a little more flattering then the baggy shirts and the lack of pants I currently experience.

To The Unwashed Masses

I just read Stephen Fry's lengthy blessay (blog essay http://www.stephenfry.com/blog/?p=19) and while he's incredibly honest and funny about the whole thing it really does bring home that fan girls, like myself, are blips on the radar. They are one-dimensional. They are boorish. While they help pay the bills, they are also a necessary nuisance.

I wanted to blog something amusing today. I wanted to bring some lightness to my blog, but for some reason the only things I seem to post things that I don't know where else to put.

But after reading this, it breaks my heart a little. Yeah I know me and Tori Amos or never going to be BFFs, but it's a lovely innocent dream to think that having a deep conversation over a cuppa tea or a good curry. Must it be so ridiculous that I should stop investing my day dreaming into it?

Although, it's been interesting to discover Stephen's (Mr. Fry's) blog, because I can hear his voice while I read it and I love the quintessentially British feel of his writing and the humor infused in it.
So I'm going to keep reading his blog and we'll see what happens to those little day dreams about curry with the famous. Perhaps I'll try and let that die, along with the fan-girl part of my soul.

Deadlines

(Although I want the Matt Nathanson post to stay at the top forever, life must go on)

For those of you who know me, you know that I've been desperate to get out of this work situation so that I have more time to sit around and watch soap operas and eat bon-bons, I just wanted to commemorate the last of the deadlines having past and once again being no closer to the bon-bon goal. Yesterday was the last. I no longer have any set dates to finish my employment. I can now be here forever! Hurrah!

I know that I should be patient and all that, but I feel like I've been patient enough the last 10 months Husband should have been working on this employment thing, but he let his temporary job rule his life and it didn't leave time for things like job-hunting or sleeping, so I try not to begrudge him the fact that nothing has happened, but I'm ticked off! I've been working this job that I do no enjoy because we need some health care in case one of us gets sick or we fell down a well or something and to pay the bills, but now it's the only thing supporting us and I feel a bit taken advantage of. I work hard all day (not blogging, as you can see from my track record) and then I get to go home and sometimes I get to relax but sometimes Husband has had a hard day of trying to keep up with the little girl and can't manage some dinner, and I understand that not everyday is going to be walking into a spotless home. I don't help much, but I feel like I'm justified in the level of housework I do most of the time, but I would like a little organization or some clearing of the general mess that lives in our house.
It's true that husband has only been jobless for about 2 weeks and that's a very short amount of time to have really devoted to the job search, but seeing my last deadline pass without having another to follow in it's place has left me a little defeated.

So I'll sit at work and eat my carrots and celery and watch the clock like a hawk and see the minutes of my life given to something that I care very little for while I miss my little girl and the opportunity to really clean my house (that's weird isn't it? I blame it on how much my job sucks.)

The Beat of Our Noisy Hearts

Okay, so remember last month when meeting Matt Nathanson (http://www.mattnathanson.com/) he said he might play a solo show in Provo? Well, this time he knew what he was talking about. On Friday September 21st, 2007, Matt Nathanson played a little club/venue called Velour (which I don’t understand in the slightest, shouldn’t it have velour wall paper or something?)
On the party list with me was of course the faithful Patrizia and her friend Brenda and my friends Erika and Magen. Erika had been listening to Matt for a just over a day and Magen had gotten to hear 4 songs before the show, so I was a bit nervous, but I knew that Matt could win over anyone.
Trish graciously offered to drive us in your SUV and so after we all discovered where she lived we headed to the Maverick for drinks and then it was on to Provo. As we drove we told stories of how people refer to Provo as “God’s Country” so we started calling it the GC for fun and giggles. After a long drive through P-town we got to the venue, there was already a small line outside. We hopped into line but not before I snuck a glace inside and there was Matt on stage in a black t-shirt! We waited outside and the weather was nice, but Magen and Erika were going to have a potty emergency, so we went into the nearby record shop that also happened to have a photo booth! So much fun came from that.

After some lameness that only the 7 people who had previously bough tickets could get in first and we waited patiently to purchase tickets we got in. Mostly people were lining the walls on the risers and the couches and sitting at the tables, but we weren’t there to relax, we were there to rock! So we snagged some places right up front by the stage.
The open act took the stage and that’s when sacrament meeting started or so we thought, since from all corners we were met with “shhhhh!” as if the prayer were starting! I know we weren’t the only ones talking, but the people around us seemed really irritated that we dared(!) to comment on the singer and other things like how if he was playing the spoons, it would have been much more entertaining. The guy was good, I think his name was Jeff Stone or something. He was okay, a bit mono-rhythm for me. Then someone else came on with his acoustic guitar and I liked him a bit better, although his cover of GooGoo Dolls ‘Name’ was best left uncovered. He had more range in rhythms and sound, so I liked him more but Magen and Erika were talking about how this wasn’t their “thing” and these guys weren’t very original. I think his name was John Allred, which is pretty unoriginal, but that’s his parent’s fault. But seeing him after the show, he seemed like he was kind of a prick anyway. But now I was getting nervous, Magen and Erika weren’t into the opening acts, so what would happen if they didn’t like Matt? Would they stone me? Would they continue to be my friend after I made them spend $10 and come down to the GC? Only time would tell.

Then Matt came out and the crowd went wild. Obviously they were here to see Matt and that was awesome.
Then Matt interacted with the crowd, he was obviously blown away by the people’s response. He started with ‘Car Crash’ and before each song he would tell stories or talk to the crowd and interact. It was so much fun. During the first song, Erika pulled me right up front and center. I got to look up Matt’s nose and see that he doesn’t have any fillings, because I was really close. I wanted to grab his foot a few times. He played an amazing set, no real surprises, but then I’m sure he was trying to play songs that even the casual listener would know and get really into. He did a lot of sing-a-long songs like Prince’s ‘Starfish and Coffee’ and ‘Suspended’ and the crowd pleaser ‘Answering Machine.’ Up front with me were a bunch of guys who obviously considered themselves uber fans, since they tried to out sing Matt at every song. I totally get the whole “I want to sing along” thing and I think it’s fine. I usually only mouth the words or sing really softly if there’s not a sing-a-long part, I want people to be able to appreciate the artist that we all paid money to see, but these guys had no such courtesy. I’m sure they wanted Matt to know that people in Utah know who he is and love him, but I don’t think they needed to remind him of all the lyrics to all the songs he’s ever written. They were really annoying after awhile. But that not withstanding, it was great! The only weirdness was when someone made his way up to stage and at the end asked for a song that Matt had already played and Matt explained that to him and them after that, several people in the back yelled out for the same song! It was weird, like they wanted the Cure to play “that drip, drip, drip song” again. Matt dealt with the people not playing attention and those that didn’t sing along really well. He called attention to them and probably made them feel like jerks, but it was funny for the rest of us to watch!

Afterwards while we were waiting for Matt to come out to do his little Meet’n’greet with fans, as he always does, a guy who had picked up Matt’s guitar pick and the setlist came up to me and offered me the setlist since he had gotten 2 things and he said he could tell I was a huge fan of Matt. That was when everyone told me that the whole concert I have big, puppy-dog eyes the whole time I’m looking at him. I knew I’m a total fan girl when it comes to him, but I didn’t know it was quite so obvious! Also, Erika noticed that while cleaning up the stage, they had left Matt’s sweat rag laying there. She asked me if I wanted it. Which, I hate to admit it, but when I saw him using it, I really wanted it. But then I thought “What would I do with a sweaty towel?” and common sense took over, luckily Erika can get me to do anything, so she grabbed the towel for me and I was so excited!
So Matt came out and we got to talk with him and take pictures, they turned out awesome! We chatted with him and I had him sign a hundred things. Trish had been the brave girl she always is and took 2 posters off the door of the venue as we came in, so I had him sign the poster (which reads: Willow is Queen!) and then I had him sign the setlist (Willow is the best ever!) and the towel (Sweat Rules!) and then there was a miscellanous guitar pick on the stage while we were stealing sweat rags and I picked it up and asked Matt if it was his, he said he didn’t think so but signed it anyway (This isn’t my pick-MN.) I got so many hugs and I had to apologize for my question from the EndZone performance about Howie Day and told him that my other question was “How could someone so bubbly and happy and full of energy write such sad songs?” and he told me it was his bi-polar-ness getting out. I thanked him for playing “Come on Get Higher” which was a very sensual song solo and the album doesn’t convey that at all. I’m sure I said lots of things that were stupid and all fan girl of me, but I don’t remember them all, at least this time I didn’t tell him that my sister hated him.

Brenda, Magen, Patrizia (getting cozy!) The Man!, Me and Erika

Of course I needed one of just him and I to make up for the blurry picture from the EndZone and I think this one turned out pretty cute. I was tempted to lick his face or something, but then I don’t want him to get a restraining order too soon. I just hope that he does get to play a show in Salt Lake this tour, once a year seeing him is not enough.





Go to iTunes http://phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewAlbum?id and you can download ‘Car Crash for FREE!! Since he’s the artist of the week or something! Get it free and join the Matt Love Revolution!

See ya soon Matt

A Year of Wonder-12 months

Wow. It’s amazing that it’s been one whole year of learning and growing. This is the big one kid. You never get another first birthday. The party was excellent. I made a monkey cake and your Grandparents made homemade strawberry ice cream. You didn’t really tear into your cake, you tasted the icing and then you were okay with this weird thing in front of you. You mostly ate the icing and grabbed the cake and just squished it in your fingers, but you also ate plenty of the sugary goodness. Almost everyone you’ve ever met was there! Plenty of good toys and cute clothes to last you for a bit, I think.
This month you’ve made the transition from learning to walk to being a real walker! Walking is getting to be old hat for you, soon it’ll be running! You’re tastes are also developing at an alarming rate. In the morning you don’t like peaches, but later that night you’ll love them like we starve you! One meal all you want is oatmeal and the next I can’t force it into your mouth to save my life! But I think that just means you’re entering toddler-dom and leaving behind the sweet attitude free infancy. But that’s not to say that you aren’t sweet. As a matter of fact this month I’ve seen your interest in others and your gentleness become a big part of you. You want to share (even though you haven’t quite figured that out yet) and you want to know other kids. You also no longer just ignore your stuffed animals or use them to lay on, now you’ll hug them and cuddle them and carry them with you.

You’ve gotten more independent, which I’m sure is part of being at so many different houses in your week. You’re content to wander away from us or for us to move away from you without you getting upset. You’re excellent at playing by yourself but you still love to watch the older kids play. You want to be in thick of things. You are so inquisitive. You want to play with everything and you want to mimic what daddy and I do. Which is great, as long as you don’t get you hands on the remote. Or the phones. You now have 3 cell phones of your own and have 2 flip phones. Of course Grandpa Larry got you your newest flip phone and hopes that now you’ll leave his alone. Of course baby cell phones have nothing on real ones.

You’re 12 month check up went great. You’re now 21.5 pounds and about 29 inches tall! Which makes you of average weight but gets you almost 70% for being tall! So I’m glad you’re able to get over the short genes your dad and I gave you, at least for the moment. I don’t know that it’ll help much down the road.

We had your 1 year pictures taken this weekend and boy you are a cute baby but so serious and your refusal to sit still meant we couldn’t get many posed photos, just action shots! You warmed up to the woman taking your pictures really quickly when you realized that she had a camera! You wanted that thing and it was pretty mean of her not to give it to you, doesn’t she know who you are?

You’re getting more teeth which is a pain for you but also one for us since you don’t’ sleep well and I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I likes me some sleep. So we’ve had some sleepless nights lately which makes me very cranky, but you’re good as gold the next morning when you end up not even sleeping in past your normal time. It’s pretty rude. But once you’ve gotten that 4th tooth all the way in, I hope to get more than 6 hours a night.
It’s been a whole year and we haven’t sold you to gypsies yet! I’m so impressed! I guess this means that we’ll keep you. Probably. I mean, the terrible twos might be a little touch and go. We’ll let you know.

The one where I start off talking about Fall to confuse you

It’s that time of year again. The leaves are starting their color changing and the air is becoming more crisp and fresh. Driving up the canyon this weekend showed the seasons early progression at those heights. The beautiful reds and golds mixed with the still vibrant greens was very beautiful. Fall has always been my favorite time of year, but I miss so much the whole back-to-school thing. I didn’t think I would yearn to be back in high school since those weren’t always happy times, and it has been 10 years since I graduated, but I miss the smell of the mornings on your first day back to school, wearing your best new outfit and the anxiety of wondering what classes will be where and if the teachers will like me. This job keeps me indoors for most of the day and soon I will miss the sunlight all together unless I go outside on a break, and it seems like the seasons pass outside my little window and I see a little something of them from behind my glass case, but I’m not a part of it. I’m separate from the seasons except what I experience when I walk from my car to my destination. There were no parks this summer. One camping trip and a few dips in the family pool, but even on those days off, I spent them indoors. It always seemed like there would be more time later and something pressing that needed to be done, and then before I knew it, the summer was over. While I love the fall and I’m glad it’s here, it seems like everything is happening so fast. I just get used to writing which month it is and then it’s on to the next. I don’t know how long I’m going to be working here, but it seems like it will be forever. 10 year down the road, I’ll be looking out the window on a windy September afternoon wondering how Hayley is enjoying her 5th grade class, with her recess and reading time. I’ve been in the mindset that I’m quitting this job since I got pregnant, which was almost 2 years ago now. There’s always something, some reason why I can’t, so it seems like this cycle will likely just continue. I’m almost resigned to it, but then I start making plans for what I’ll do with my time when I’m at home all day. I’m going to join a gym! I’m going to do projects with Hayley! I’m going to get the housework done that currently just goes without! There is a lot I want to do, and most of it involves exclamation points, but really it’s a pipe dream that I keep giving deadlines and watching them pass and then setting new deadlines and thinking that this time will be different. Maybe this time will be different, or maybe next year I’ll still be trying to figure out how to balance my life. The mom with the employee with the wife and seeing that everyone gets the time they deserve.

This was going to be a post about autumn and how I love it, but I think today has turned me a bit melancholy, and also, I’d redirect, but it’s past my time to go home and while I love my desk, I’d rather not stay here if I don’t have to.

Hanging Out With Rock Stars

So on Thursday I was able to attend an End Zone, which is a very intimate performance at the local radio station (http://www.1019theend.com/) and it just happened to be one of my favorite artists, Matt Nathanson (http://www.mattnathanson.com/)

On Wednesday I cut out of work a few minutes early to go pick up the runt, and when I climbed into the car the afternoon show was saying that the next day was an End Zone with Matt and whoever called right then could go. I called and got right through, probably because many people don't know who Matt is (they are missing out.) I was instructed to come the next day to the station and bring my camera and something for him to sign. I was so excited, especially since he wasn't come here on his current tour listing and now that I have "responsibilities" I can't just head to other states and see concerts.

I called Trizia and finally after a comedy of errors with our cell phones we worked out the finer details. She loves Matt too and even came with me when I drove to see him in Colorado.

We showed up the next day to wait until the took the small group of us to the "End Zone" area. While we waited, we filled out cards with questions. Once inside a small, conference-y looking room where Matt was set up with his guitar, Trizia and I took a seat front and center. Then it was time to get on the air. The DJ had looked over some of the questions and at one point said "wow, that's really deep!" I was called on first to ask my question. I had no idea that they were going to hand me a microphone and have me ask my question directly. I didn't know which of my many burning questions to ask directly! When I was given the mic, the DJ asked me to sing then everyone started to chant "sing, sing" and I was so embarrassed but quick on my feet, so I said that they wanted people to listen to their station. I asked my question, which was Hollywood gossip. I'm a fan of Howie Day as well, and I know the two are friends because of entries on Matt's website so I asked, "Since you and Howie Day are friends, is he really as much of a cad as people say he is?" Matt seemed very caught off guard but he is ever the showman so he said, "It's hard growing up in the public eye, and he's had his brushes with the law and with Britney Spears. But you know, he's a good guy." So basically without saying so, Howie Day is a total cad.

Trizia got to ask her/my questions next which was "When are you going to play a real show in Salt Lake?" He said there was a possibility that before the tour started in September there might be a show in Provo somewhere and also that they were working on a show at the end of the tour in Salt Lake. But then that's what he told me last time and his time frame came and went without a show, so I love him, but I don't think he know/has any control.

Another person asked which song he would choose to play over and over if he could only play one. He chose "Falling Apart" which is a new song or "Suspended" then someone asked if he could only listen to one song, what would it be. Without hesitation he said U2's "With or Without You" When asked what type of animal he would be it was a shark since he just watched shark week.

He played "Car Crash," "Come on Get Higher" and "Laid" on the air. It was interesting because talking and being near him was one thing, but when he opened his mouth to sing, the sound was incredible, and it couldn't have been the acoustics in the room because nothing else sounded that cool. It was like there was a bottle of champagne that was shook up and the stopper pulled. The room was flooded with this amazing sweet sound. The records cannot capture the essence that was in that room, it was truly amazing. After the 3 songs, we went off the air and he sang "To the Beat of our Noisy Hearts" and "Suspended" which he was maybe about a foot away from me. I could have tripped him! But I didn't. Afterward Trizia and I were first in line and I'm sure everyone hated us, but Matt said he remembered me which I can hardly believe, but I'd like it to be true. I had my picture taken and of course it was blurry, Trish looks awesome because I took her photo and I don't suck with cameras.

This really did make my month. Too bad everyone I know was not listening to the radio and completely missed my first radio appearance. Oh well, when I'm famous I'm sure you'll be able to download it online.

Me and the Man!

11 Months Moving Right Along

So, you knew I needed something huge to write about, so last night, you started to really walk. None of the pansy little one shuffle steps, but real steps. 5 or 6 of them! I was so proud of you! You didn’t think it was that big of deal. ‘Oh honestly mom, I could have started walking any time I felt like it.’ That’s so how you are.

You’ve finally got two little teeth, and your little toothy grin is hilarious. Your getting so big every day, I can’t believe that you use to be a tiny baby. You eat almost whatever you want, as long as it’s not too big. You chew everything with your gums, I don’t know if that just what babies your age do or if you’re extra smart. I think it’s that you’re extra smart and you know that soon enough, you’ll have teeth there. I’m starting to try and get you off the binkie, but it’s such a pacifier for the both of us. You love it because it makes you feel better and I love that it keeps paper out of your mouth and stops the screaming. You really don’t cry much, but when you are displeased, watch out, because you are a wrathful child. You shriek and squeak and now you’ve even got a frowny face, which is the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen. So your daddy and I laugh at you when you give us your best frown, I don’t think it’s the reaction that you’re going for.

Bath-time is still the best time, and it’s nice because I can let you play in the tub and splash in your little tub chair and I can get my make-up on or my teeth brushed at the same time, it’s such a time saver. Don’t worry, I don’t leave you alone, I know that you’re smart enough to get yourself out of your little chair and crawl naked as a jay-bird around the house if I don’t keep at least one eye on you at all times.

You’re first word really is going to be ‘kittie,’ you love all the cats. We watched a friend’s cat over the weekend, and while he didn’t like you, you love him to pieces. You chased him all over the house and were so frustrated that he kept moving to evade you. You’re little grunts while you tried to give him toys or get close enough to touch him were adorable. It’s a good thing that your sitters, past and present have cats.

Speaking of sitters, you are now going to be at Mandy’s a few days a week, this is your first week and you already have Mandy wrapped around your little finger. She sends me updates over the e-mail and pictures of your day and it makes me feel a tad better about missing you all day long. Hopefully you are learning lots there, I know she tries to teach you something new everyday.

This is your last monthly birthday before the big O-N-E year mark. It’s crazy how fast the time, but we’re already working on your party. It will be a small to largish gathering of aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents. Basically everyone you know. I can’t wait to see what you do with your cake, if you’ll dive right in or if you’ll be dainty. In a month we’ll know!

It’s been a crazy, wild ride, but definitely worth every minute.

Love you,

Mama

10 Months, Hi!

New growing and learning and everything that you would expect from the big experience of going from 9 months to 10 months. You didn't learn how to walk, but you're working very hard on balancing yourself, it's adorable, especially when you land on your little tocks. But you finally grew that first tooth! It's now pointy and white and very sharp. You've bitten me, a few times that have been quite painful, and everyone thinks that's pretty funny. But not me, it's so not funny.
You went on your first boating trip and you loved it. You spent some time swimming in the cold water and you didn't freak out! It was impressive.
It has also been very much apparent that you are the center of any conversation and the highlight of any social gathering. Our part of the boating trip involved people wanted to hold you, feed you, watch you walk around and talk about you. The next day your great-grandpa's birthday gathering was all focused on you. All the kids wanted to play with you and all the adults wanted to give you ice cream and cake. It's your lot in life to be adored. I don't know how you stand it.

There were pony tails this month! Real pony tails where I got a rubber band to stay in your hair for extended periods of time! People are saying you are starting to look more feminine and more like me and then at the check out someone will ask me how old my son is. It's your Grandpa Larry's fault. It keeps plastering your hair to your head trying to pretend your the grandson he's waiting for. I don't know what his problem is, since he loves you just the way you are 9minus the pony tail.)

This will be a pivotal month for the childcare situation. You will either go on to be in full-time daycare or we will find something new. Your dad is trying not to think about it, mostly because of the costs, but I'm trying to be realistic, we have to, we can't do what we really want to because we can't afford it. But I'm looking forward to the constant schedule and not driving 25 miles to get you to grandma's just to turn around and drive the whole way back to get to work. I think you'll also benefit from the set schedule. I have day dreams that you'll actually take naps for me and knowing when you'll want to nap and everything! It'll be crazy, but worth it/ I'm also trying to look on the bright side of life.
You are a brilliant, vibrant child and you teach me a lot. You're teaching me patience and I realise how inadequate I'm am for filling the "mother" post, but everyday things get a little more fun and a little more easy. In 2 weeks I go back to work 5 days a week and our time together will be limited, so I hope I make the most of this time we have with our 3 days weekends and I figure out just a little more about you.
Love and Kisses,
Mama

I likes me some movies

	My Flixster

It's No Mings

We've all agreed to post on our weekend excursion to Orchid and Scoopology in a Sandy strip mall. Here's a link to Mindy's blog http://mindyholman.blogspot.com/2007/07/scoopology.html and Tari, may have mentioned it on her blog http://taribrandi.blogspot.com/

Okay, so Orchid. It was nice, quaint and quiet. At least until Hayley and I showed up. Apparently we got a lot of dirty looks from the other patrons who aren't used to the shrieks of kids. The tapioca drink was totally awesome. Black tapioca in fruit infused milk shakes or milk ice, not sure, but the straw was huge to accommodate the size of the tapioca pieces. That right there was something I'd go back for. But the food was slow in coming and the community rice? The "generous portion" of rice as advertised on the menu, was lacking. I think for the 6 of us, we each got a spoonful. And then it took about 20 minutes to have a waiter other than our own bring us another woefully small portion of "generous" rice. The food itself was delicious. My food was so spicy it burned my face off, which is a good thing as long as they keep the water full, which was a problem for Mindy and Tari, who only got one refill and that was after we were completely done eating.
Of course the waiter apologized for the short staffing but only when we were all filling out his tip. That was convenient. So the bottom line: Poor service, awesome but small portions of food (and rice!) and lame waiters. It's no Mings!

Next was Scoopology(!) an ice cream place where you can get crushed cereal on your ice cream plus plenty of other mix-ins. You can also get a PB &J sandwich if your mom is too busy to make you one. So I tried several kinds of ice cream before settling on the cookie dough. The ice cream itself was bland, but cookie dough is yummy. I got marshmallows which I love with ice cream, but they weren't mixed in, they were placed under the scoop in the waffle bowl (included with every purchase) and on the top. I should have tried the chocolate lucky charms, but that is something I will just have to regret. Bottom line: it was good, but I'd take a larger helping over a waffle bowl any day. I'll go back, but I'll be thinking of Cold Stone while I'm there.

Still, it's nice to hang out with a group of friends and chat. We had a good time and really it's the company that makes the evening, and we definitely had that in spades! Love you guys!

Greeting 9 Months

So it’s official, you’ve been out growing in the world just as long as you were growing in me. Of course, I thought you were trouble then, turns out, that was nothing. And being true to your nature, just as I sat down to type this, you were messy. That was your 9 month present to me. Thanks.

So crawling is second nature, as is getting quickly up stairs and pulling yourself to standing. You are thinking you’d like to start walking, but right now you need the help of someone else that doesn’t mind walking all hunched over. To be as smart a baby as I was, you have to accomplish it by yourself in the next two weeks. Of course you've mastered clapping and now we're working on "bye." If I hold up your chubby little hand you'll start to wave and sometimes on your own, but most times you need a little help.

Eating is getting easier, of course you love your bottle but now you also love people food. Anything we’re eating. Except potatoes. You spit those out like we’re trying to poison you. And we’re so not. You love yogurt and rice-a-roni and peaches and pancakes and anything you really shouldn’t be eating, like cake. You’ve been getting lots of cake lately. You’re still figuring out the sippy cup. If you can chew on the thing and get something to drink, you think it doesn’t work. You’ll get it, I hope.

You love to be outside and I’ve been trying to take you on a walk before bed most nights. You love love love it. Sometimes you just stare at the passing sidewalk, but even that is interesting to you. You’re a weird baby sometimes.

You want a puppy. Or a kitty. We took you to the humane society and a little dog that was being brushed licked your face. You knew right then you wanted one of those hairy things.

Things that you love to play with are phones are cell phones. “Okay, call china,” is something we often say around here now. Your grandpa got you a big black monkey at Lagoon day and you love him. You love to pull on his eyebrows and squish his face to yours. It’s hilarious and adorable, the best of both worlds. Anything that rattles, so you often get to play with daddy’s pill bottles (child-proof of course) or anything you can shake and get a sound.

Sleeping is still an issue. More than an issue. If you find yourself growing up with gypsies, it’s because you never slept. Every night is a battle of wills. You always think you’ll win and I always think the same. There are many screaming matches (you, not me, I get walk away) and usually it’s about an hour from start to sleeping and this is me. You also don’t take naps and you awake at the of dawn. Of course you take naps for other people. I must be so exciting that you can’t possibly tire when you’re around me.

This parenting thing is tough but even after you’ve made me so frustrated that I let you cry it out even if it takes 15 minutes, then I come in to make sure you’re okay and the little angelic sleep thing is so cute that I forgive you for wasting my time for sleep. You’re full of giggles and sounds. You say da da (which in no way is like dada) and burble and squeal and are just so darn happy most of the time. I wouldn’t trade you for the world. You are the apple of my eye and everyone loves you and you love everyone right back. You are so open to everyone that relatives you’ve never seen and strangers all want to play with you and you want to play right back.

It’s going to be a fun life!

love ya !
Mom

Labeled Disquettes from the Back Room

"Debian Potato Root Disk" -This is the basic game where we are introduced to Debian the Potato Root.

"4 Drivers" -A driving game for 4 people

"2 Debian Boot Floppy" -Where Debian's evil twin runs amuck, booting things.

"RedHat 6.2" -Good, I'm so sick of RedHat 6.1

"Debian Potato Rescue Disk" -This is the one where Debian needs to rescue the cute radish.

Because I am so street

http://sites.gizoogle.com/index2.php?url=http%3A%2F%2Fwillowkist.blogspot.com

For reals yo!

Good morning 8 Months!

So just to taunt me after I said you were sleeping through the night, you decided to never sleep again! You’ve had this cough, but only when you’re lying down and have been asleep for 3-4 hours. And then last night, just to ring in the new month you were waking up for no reason. I threw a pillow at your dad but he slept through that too.

This month has been a month of learning and growing and getting way too big too fast. You’re starting to clap your hands, which is hilarious, but you’ve also started to pull yourself up to stand on sturdy and sometimes not so sturdy things. This means you are only a hop and skip from walking! Why do you have to grow up?

You’re a wonderful crawler and can scoot all over the place, which is making for red little knees, but lately it’s been too hot for pants, so I hope your knees recover. You just need to start walking sooner!

I went shopping. I was looking for things for me, so I spent $6 on me and $50 on you. So good job you! It’s tough because I look chubby regardless of what I put on but your look awesome in everything I can pick up! It’s not a matter of finding something flattering because your little body rocks every outfit! I’m hoping to get the tutu skirt here soon, but maybe not until you can walk.

You still love people, strangers, whoever! You are full of gummy smiles and little giggles for everyone. Of course kids are your favorite. Unfortunately your cousin Jewelia isn’t so keen on you, but you love her! You want to pull her little ringlets and squish her chubby little face to yours. Mostly she doesn’t want anything to do with you or just make sure that you don’t take her toys. Maybe when you’re a little older you’ll be fast friends, but at the moment she’s the princess and she doesn’t like sharing her crown.

Food is still a little tricky. You’re more open to new tastes and would eat all my food if given the choice, but even when you’re excited to eat your pureed foods you’re only interested for a few bites and then comes the whining and the need to be on the floor or on my lap.

You are so independent. You don’t want to be cuddled you want to explore, of course most of the time you’re only comfortable exploring as long as you know that mommy and daddy are near by.

I still feel like an inadequate mother, but I think everyone feels that way. I’m just so glad that I get to share in this journey with you.

That's my baby!

Babies, They Poop

This post is not about poop, but I thought of that line and I liked it, so there it is.
The Little Princess is crawling. Crawling very well at this point actually. This is both a blessing but mostly a curse. This means I can no longer leave little bits of whatever on the floor. Especially paper. She loves paper, loves to eat it. That's no good. So baby proofing for reals this weekend. It's really cool to see this little person who grew inside me becoming her own person. She's so much fun, even if she can be very screamy. So I guess it's worth it, just for those little gummy smiles and full on giggles. She's also very smart. Smartest baby ever I'll bet.

You Have Killed Me

Wow. Saw Morrissey last night. It was amazing. He played 5 Smiths songs. I never dreamed I would get to hear "The Queen is Dead" and "Boy with the Thorn" live. Being born a decade too late, but there it was. It was fantastic.

Since the seats were free they weren't great so we decided to move a little closer to the stage, which was great because the venue was anything but full, so we got moved to just off center and 4 rows back. Which would have been great if the whole floor wasn't general admission, so we were seated behind that, but we had a perfect view and all the people I brought with me had a good time. Even Summer, who was a bit appalled when he took off his shirt (twice) and threw it into the crowd. Which was when I knew that Morrissey is getting old. He's got a bit of a gut, I mean I know he will be 48 later this month, but it's hard to see your idols grow old, it reminds of the slow march towards death that we all are on.

Opened with 'The Queen is Dead' which was amazing. I was happy that he played 'You have Killed Me' just because it was a song that i knew Magen would know. We got to hear 'Ganglord' which is a great b-side that I seriously need to get. When they played 'Boy with the Thorn' I was thrilled. I love this song so much and the whole time I couldn't stop jumping around and dancing and grinning like a fool. I was super happy for Erika when he played 'I've Changed my Plea' because even though she's only been listening to Moz, for, what, a week? She really loves this song. 'Life is a Pigsty' into 'How Soon is Now?' was incredible. Morrissey laying on the floor and the 'Auld Lang Syne' in between was very poignant. All in all, it was spectacular, I was so pleased that I was able to go and I'm kicking myself that I didn't spend the money and get some tickets on the GA floor. Oh well, these were free.

Afterwards (with no coaxing from me) my friend suggested we wait around to see if we could see the Man himself. It was no use, we spend about an hour and a half only to see his town car speed away without even seeing him since the windows were so dark, but it was still fun to hang out and get giggly that late at night. So now I'm at work with only 6 hours of sleep under my belt and I was actually here early! How did that happen? No idea, but if i found out, then I'm going to bottle it and use it every morning.

I don't know how Husband and Child did without me last night, but there isn't any poop on the walls and Husband managed to leave for work early this morning, so it couldn't have been too bad.

The Key to Being a Bad Wife

I think I figured it out. Being a bad wife is all about not changing out the toilet paper roll. Husband didn't care that I washed the dishes after he made dinner (this almost never happens, I have to applaud him) but we still got into an argument about how I am so thoughtless because I don't change the toilet paper roll. Because even aliens have to use the smallest room, I should be more considerate.
Maybe if I wasn't around to make sure he had sandwiches for lunch the next day or made sure we had clean dishes and bottles and clean diapers and the child drifted off to dreamland with a clean bottom, while Husband gets to snore while I finish caring for our home and family.
Yeah he works crazy long hours, but I have two jobs. I have the 40 hours a week and I have the mother and wife job. I know he doesn't think that it's really that taxing, but it is. There's something everyday that I have to take care of immediately. I'm the one who makes sure we have food to eat and then usually makes it into something that he will approve of (must contain meat!) and then clean up the dishes and eventually wash them.
This is a job, I just don't get paid. Boy am I under-appreciated.

Bouncing the Expectations

So the new Tori album is coming out next week. The whole album is available on her myspace at http://www.myspace.com/toriamos to listen to. So I've been devoting myself to clicking through all the songs a couple of times before I came to an opinion.

There are moments. They are few and far between. With this album it's either pretty piano nothings or in-your-face rock chick. There isn't much in between, although Bouncing Off Clouds is okay.

But you know what bugs me the most? It's the phrasing. It's the 87 syllable clo-e-ouds and the odd way she takes a line and makes it fit where it doesn't sound meant to fit. Where she takes a line and there's a silence before the thought is complete. I'm trying to think, do her other albums do this? I don't think so. See's always had a problem pronoucing things correctly, but it's so unbelievably overpowering that it's had for me to not only understand that words, but it just grates on my nerves. Why? Why so much?

I was ready to be disappointed, I was, but then there were the good reviews and I started to hope. Stupid hope. I think this may place far below Beekeeper for me, I hate to say that, but at least Beekeeper has moments and the album seems cohesive and there seems be a connectedness through the album, even if it was a tad boring.

This is just...weird. It's weird. I don't know what else to call it. It definitely is more interesting, but seriously, the song "Posse Bonus" which I guess is a bonus track, the lyrics are "Here's your posse bonus/Because I li-i-i-i-ke you" It sounds almost like a joke. Like she was goofing off at the piano and they kept the tape rolling and decided it was a good song. It's not.

It seems uninspired. I mean, think for a minute "Space Dog" and then "You can Bring Your Dog", "Mr Bad Man", "Fat Slut" and the list goes on.

"He’s a bad man/ Mr. Bad Man/ And she had enough of him/ So the walls try/ To dry her eyes/ Cause the bad man/ Made her cry" Seriously. I think I wrote poetry like this in 9th grade. Or course poetry and songs are quite different. This song almost has a Beatles-eque quality, but also a little "Wednesday" sound to it. It's sounds unresolved.

My first listen through, nothing really grabbed me. Of course I was at work, working, so there's that, but it couldn't hold my attention. Most of the songs seem very background music, nothing that's going to make anyone go "Whoa! What's this?"

I think Tori is doing her thing, and that's great, but it's not really a good record. I'm bored with the whole "I took on the persona of this other woman to write this song" but after a while, it just doesn't ring true. I think she's glad to distance herself from the songs, but it's making them less interesting.

There are also guitars. In almost every song apparently. Hmmph. I think it's not really helping. I'm almost embarrassed about it, like if I buy it, I'll be the one if dark glasses and I'll pay cash. I'm trying. I'm listening to it still. I want something to grab me. Please.

Also, why the wigs? I get it for the "other" characters, but she needs a wig to be "Tori"? Maybe it's the chunky bangs, but I hate it. It bugs me.

Seacrest out.

Crappy Days

So Hayley's been having some poop issues. Let's just get it out there - she's no longer having little solid poops, it's gone back to being not solid.
So yesterday morning I was getting ready for work, she had woken up and was playing in her crib as she usually does when she wakes up for a bit. I was almost ready to go and she started to fuss, so went in.
That's when I found my daughter in a pile of poop.
Her diaper had not contained the leakage and it was all over her sheet, her and the floor. It must have just happened to, because as I walked in was the exact moment she took her chubby, clean hand and stuff it in the poop.
So she got to go straight into the big people tub to get hosed off, she thought this was pretty funny. I am meanwhile rinsing off sheets, and scrubbing the carpet and hoping the oxyclean is good for poop stains.
It was fun.
Today I was expecting it so I put her in a fitted diaper and it worked like a charm. See, I can be taught!

I think the poop might be, in part, due to the fact that she won't eat anything. Not anything! I tried to force her to eat sweet potatoes and she ate one bite. And then spit it out. She loves those baby cookies, so i got one of those and put some sweet potato on it. So now she doesn't like those either. I tried to give her a another one to see if she's be okay if it didn't taste like sweet potatoes, but no. She threw it on the ground. Awesome. It's fine. I'm sure that most fifteen year olds these days are taking their bottle with them to class.

I suppose that some people don't' want to read about my child's bowel issues, but really, what else would I write about?

Stop me if you think that you've heard this one before...

I'm pretty awesome today.
The local radio station www.1019theend.com was having a contest to win Morrissey tickets. You just had to name the 3 songs they played. Since I listen online at work, there is a delay, so I went out to my car to listen to them. I also decided that I should have my little sister who was home sick today, also call in so we'd double our chances of winning. I told her all the song titles (since she's not the biggest fan, or really a fan at all) and when all was said and done we both called in. My stupid cellphone decided in the middle of the redial that since I'd been sitting in the same spot for 10 minutes, hadn't moved and had made 3 calls from this locations in the last few minutes, that now I was roaming, so I freaked out and was trying to call and had to dial long distance and everything, that's when little sister called and told me that she won! Hurrah for me being the smartest person ever!
I'm glad I waited to buy Morrissey tickets now, although I still may buy a floor ticket if these are for upper seating, which they probably are, since those are cheaper. But still, I'm rocking it at Morrissey! Suck on that ticketmaster!
Now I'm just trying to decide if I want to keep trying for more tickets tomorrow and the rest of the week so that all my cool friends can come with me, or if I should let other people win. Other people who may or may not deserve to bask in the glory that is Moz.
We'll see. "It may all end tomorrow, or it could gone on forever-in which case I'm doomed"

7 Months

Well, little girl, it’s been an interesting month. You are starting to be mobile! You’re not quite crawling and you can’t yet go forward (much to your annoyance) but you can scoot backwards, but you haven’t figured out how to use this to your advantage. You’re starting to realize that you can control if you’re up or down and so we’re getting lots of little tumbles and some squealing when you want something and can’t figure out how to get it.

Sleeping! Oh the sleep! It’s terrible trying to put you to sleep, you still fight it not matter how tired you are, but once you’re asleep you’re staying asleep! Sometimes we can sleep until 7! But if you do wake up earlier, you will usually go back to sleep! It’s really been happy days, for me at least.

Let’s talk about teeth. I think your first tooth is coming in. I hope that’s what it is, since you’ve been kind of sick today. The best way to bring in your 7 month birthday would of course be to throw up on your mom and her newly changed sheets, so let’s blame the teeth. But there is no evidence yet, but that may explain your need for Tylenol every 4-6 hours. But the odd thing is your drool faucet has been turned way down. You don’t dribble everywhere like you use to. I’m fine with that, but it is totally weird.

So food, or the lack thereof. You love the little toddler biscuits, but you don’t like anything else. Anything. Ever. I was trying to give you bananas last night, last time you loved them, couldn’t get enough of them. Then, before the spoon got anywhere near your mouth, you pulled a face. You hadn’t even tasted it! You frustrate me with this. I keep trying to give you food and I keep having to wash it down the sink because you won’t eat it. You won’t eat more than 1 forced spoonful. Look, you’re going to love food someday; you’re supposed to be eating something at this point. I think you’re supposed to have 2 little meals everyday. I can’t get you to eat one spoonful of baby rice. I’m not sure what to do. Maybe I should just let you feed yourself, but then you’ll probably just put it in your hair.

Grandma Connie keeps cutting your hair. “Trimming” she calls it, but every week your baby hawk is a little bit shorter and straighter. It’s a good thing that very soon I’ll be watching you on Fridays. Very soon I won’t be the person you only see on Saturdays and Sundays, now I’ll have almost as much face-time as your babysitter! Maybe you will remember that I’m your mommy! We’ll have such lovely 3-day weekends together, of course I won’t see very much of you doing the rest of the week, after those nasty 10 hour days. I’m sure we’ll manage.

This weekend I took you out for a walk in your stroller. Grandma’s taken you out before, but I wasn’t there, so it was our first walk together. You loved it, just watching the grass and the gardens pass by, you sat forward and gripped the front of your stroller like you were hanging on for dear life, it was adorable. You just don’t want to miss a thing by sitting back.

You’re talking a lot more and of course being hysterical. You know what you want, but you just don’t know how to get it yet, but I’m sure given only a small amount of motor control, you’ll be taking over the world.

I Like This Boy, He Likes Me Back-I Don't Know Why

I've been meaning to update, but I've been so busy. I mean, Brittney Spears has been wearing different hats every time she leaves the house! So it's hard to keep up with everything.
Yesterday, I pulled the plug. I came home as usual and watched the Simpsons, but then since there was nothing on, I turned off the TV! It was weird. I had dinner made about 20 minutes before Husband was even home! and then I did the dishes! It was crazy. It was almost as if, without the loving glow of the TV, I was able to have a life and move one. But it's too bad I can't test this theory tonight, I mean, House is on tonight! Which means I'll have to also watch American Idol. Last week I decided that the Manjina kid is the smartest. He can't really sing very well, but everyone knows his name. He is mentioned on radio, tv, Internet. It doesn't matter that he's fairly lame, everyone knows which one he is, even if they hate him. He has won the media war. I'm voting for Blake, he's the only thing that keeps me interested in this silly competition.

I'm on a diet. So I'm starving. I'm just eating fruit and vegetables and protein. So what does husband do? He calls me last night (after I've made a delicious stir fry with veggies and more veggies!) and says we should have strawberry pancakes! Because they are full of wheaty goodness! Not at all covered with sugar or butter or happiness at all! I love him, but he really doesn't have any idea what being really healthy is. How is it that he made it to 30 years old and doesn't know that pancakes aren't in most diets? I wish I was a boy, then I could not worry about my expanding waist because I would just wear my pants lower, no biggie.

Now onto life drama. With a twinkle in my eye I thought of how great it would be to be a stay at home mom. I figured that time would come quickly after Husband landed that perfect job. I was thinking May would work. Well, this job is less than perfect. It's very weather dependent and so there have been days that Husband hasn't worked at all and of course, did not get paid either. So May was a pipe dream. So maybe June, maybe then. With Husband's job he can work as much as he wants in the summer. He could work 18 hour days and work 7 days a week. He could make so much money! I could quit! But then things would get cold and wet and then the money would not keep pouring in. I don't think he could make enough money to pay for everything this summer and still save enough for us to make it through those lean winter months. I'm a bit jaded I guess. I suppose some people never have the opportunity to stay home with their kids, so the idea that Husband is working toward that would seem very noble, but I'm a glass is half empty kinda gal and all I see is that maybe I won't get to be home this summer and maybe not next summer either. I guess I should be grateful for what I have, but I've always been in the boat where when people ask me what my career goals are I want to say "full-time mom," and society tells me that being a mother isn't important because someday your spouse might die or leave and then where would you be? While I agree an education is important and every woman should pursue gaining a college degree, isn't it also important to raise your children? Someone has to do it, whether it be the babysitter, the daycare, the TV or someone else, they are going to grow up with something influencing their formative years, why is it should a bad thing for that to be their mother? "but taking time off work to raise children will mean when you re-enter the workforce you will be taking a pay cut and be passed over for higher end jobs" OK, so what if I want to be a mother? But that's not acceptable, it's not important and the pay is crappy.

Okay, I guess I should rant more about that later!

Dooced!

What I wouldn't give to be fired for my blog, because then I would get unemployment.
I almost feel like naming names and posting links. But since I only have one reader (Hi! You're shoes are pretty!) I doubt saying anything would lead to my doocing.
I also like that www.dooce.com is a fun read. She's living the dream. Getting paid for blogging AND having a term coined in your honor. I wish that I could do that. Maybe I'll post a PayPal button and that one reader can fund my writing habit (do you have enough money to help me pay for my house payment? no? well I still like your shoes)
Stupid boss keeps prancing around being lame. Stop the lameness. I already stuck pins in my voodoo doll for you.

The Soul Crushing-ness of it All

I do one thing at work. Only one thing. I look at forms and say either 'yes' or 'no' and nothing else. What I hate is when I say no. There are laws regarding this, I abide by them. There are deadlines. I try to work with those who are close. But honestly, when a deadline has passed by 16 months, I am less then sympathetic. I am within my rights and the policy to say no, but then all you have to do is talk to my bosses boss. Even when he says he's on the same page with me, he then turns around and I find that not only are we not on the same page, we're not even in the same book. This makes me look like an idiot to those customers. It also means that the months of bickering and being told that I'm unfair and the usual "lawyering-up" that some threaten and I have to deal with, is all for naught. My opinion and decision is overturned. I get to smile and nod and pretend like I agree too, when I would rather beat my head against the wall in frustration. So why should I even tell anyone 'no' when it doesn't matter? It also makes me frustrated because the people that are told 'no' for the same reason and they accept it when someone else just fights hard enough and they get their 'no' turned magically to a 'yes.'
Today I hate everyone. I hate this job. I hate the lack of structure and rules and really the blatant disregard for policy. I suppose I can just start telling people we have no policy on the matter and anyone with a compelling argument will be considered. I think that would work. Or perhaps I can stop reading through these forms and just get a big stamp that says YES and stamp them all as I receive them. Because here we care nothing for what the rules say, we're all about serving the loud and mean and obnoxious people.
That's what I hate about kids/people today, the sense of entitlement. The whole unearned confidence thing. People don't need to do what's required of them, if the holler loud enough and feel like the deserve something, they expect that we hand it to them. People that treat us poorly because they don't like working at Store X or think that at the place of our employment they they can treat us like crap because we're being paid to take it.
And I will. I can't leave. I need the money.
A few weeks ago when I was thinking that the time to be a stay-at home mom was right around the corner, I knew in my that I wanted to walk into my bosses office and say "Since you're so good at my job, why don't you continue to do it. I quit." This is a pipe dream. I get to tell them instead that "yes, it's totally fine, I will overturn my decision because you feel that the spirit of the law has been met, even if the letter of the law hasn't been." It's fine. I'm just dying inside a little bit every time this happens. But soon I'll have no fire or spirit and sense of self left. Isn't that what corporate America is all about?

Has it really come?

The weekend has passed with some reoccurance of the Bad Wife. I don't know what it is, but Husband and I have just been snotty to each other, then we move on but then it happens again. Maybe this is what happens when Husband doesn't get his birthday steak. You would think that my beautiful card that I made myself on the computer at work that took me all of 10 minutes from start to finish and had money inside would have stopped all this. MONEY! Doesn't that say "I love you and want you to buy whatever your heart desires" more than something that he told me to buy him? I don't know, maybe it's the lack of red meat affecting his system.
Princess Girl had her 6 month photos taken. She's precious, but I'm glad that I got out of there only spending $20 instead of the $100 that we spent when she was 2 months old. I'm definately going to need more frames.
I also discovered that the shoes I have in my head are not for purchase anywhere in the world. I have been all over the internet and the mall and have found nothing that looks like what I see in my mind. I really wish that there was a website where I could design my own shoe.
Additional: Babies don't like Hot Topic. They really don't like having to sit in thier carseat after leaving Hot Topic. You are warned.

Steven (You Don't Eat Meat)

Thank you Erika. I'm now totally jazzed to buy Morrissey tickets tomorrow. We started goofing off on youtube and now I'm just watching all my favorites. I had no idea that he ever performed 'Jack the Ripper' live. That man puts on a great show. It's kind of sad to see the progression to old Morrissey. He used to be that dapper lad with daffodils and now he's just filled out so much. He's still in really good shape, but the year have definitely aged him. Even just a few years ago there's such a difference.

Why do idols have to get old? What happened to the good old days when they all died of drug overdoses? I think one reason that Hendricks and Morrison have the following and love that they still do because they left beautiful corpses. There was no "Gosh, he got old and fat and now his music seems irrelevant" phase that most musicians slip into. of course there are some people that will never stop. I'm sure that Mick Jagger has made a deal with the devil so that even though he actually died seven years ago, he still keeps touring and rocking it, zombie style. Either that or he's a vampire. He's the undead of some kind.

But Morrissey, geez, he still looks good and has aged well, and Quarry was even a pretty good album. The single from the new album "You Have Killed Me" is stellar, but I don't know whether the rest is. I haven't bought it. I know, I've only had about a year to do it, but I don't go hang out in record stores anymore, poring over what albums I need to own. Perhaps it's the new grown-up in me saying that paying bills is more important that music. Crazy, I know.

I do try to keep current somewhat, but I suppose those old favorites will always be favorites. There's no way Snow Patrol or Death Cab is going to topple Morrissey from his pedestal, no matter how old he is, even if he's tottering around the stage with his walker crooning "Everyday is Like Sunday" and it won't matter that his face is all sunken and old, he'll still be amazing. And every time I look at my birthday card from Erika, I will all the sudden have "Unhappy birthday" stuck in my head for the next hour and I will savor it.

Joining the New America

So I've finally done it.
I've watched American Idol since season 2, sometimes religiously, sometimes when the other show I'm watching is on a commercial break, but last night I finally voted.
I'm sorry, I couldn't help it That goth girl Gina sang a Pretenders song! Here's a link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZwYn5t6uakM She sang beautifully. I had to vote for her, because how awesome would it be if the next American Idol was a goth chick? I have a soft spot in my heart for those cute goth chicks. I did used to be one.
That Blake kid did The Cure's 'Lovesong' but didn't do an amazing job in my opinion, but I still voted for him once, because that was a awesome song choice and he did do a 311 song that I remember from my Jr High days. If you want to see his performance it's here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUl9Kvhh1tk

The Bad Wife Syndrome

Yes, now that you mention it, I do hate you. Since the day we got married, I've been looking for ways to finally show that. That's why I can't be bothered to put away my hair and face cleaning supplies in the bathroom. It has nothing to do with the fact that I'm usually running late for work and even though it would only take a few seconds to put everything away, and I'm usually just concerned with whether or not I remembered to put on deodorant before I make a mad dash for the car and away I go. Really, it's done out of spite. Just like the way I make your dinner-full of spite. I'm surprised you can swallow it! And how I clean the dishes maliciously. I know that since you won't be cooking the next meal, I am selfishly cleaning the pots and pans and forks and spoons so that I can use them.
I only married you so that I can have something to blog about, naturally.

Hello 6 months!

This has been a nice month for you. You’re getting so much better at all your tricks. You can sit up with little assistance and as long as you aren’t reaching for something too far away you generally don’t fall over, so good for you! You finally rolled over this week! And I was there to see it! You probably roll over all the time at the sitters, but this is the first one that I’ve heard about so we’ll say it’s the first. It was cute. You were sitting there on your tummy and then all the sudden you were on your back looking up at me like “that was weird.”


You’re really getting good at the rice cereal and I’ve feed you pears. You don’t care much for the plain pears so I’ve been mixing them into the cereal and you just scrum it up. You’re eating almost ¼ cup of cereal a day, which is great, but I don’t think it’s helping you sleep any longer. We’re still having our one a night feeding and it’s really old. I tried formula for 2 nights to see how that would work and boy howdy it’s lots more work. At 2 am. I’m not about making more work for myself at 2 am so we’ll see how this goes. But I know that your grandparents are feeding you contraband. My mother gave you ice cream. Ice cream. Made from cows milk. I think you mostly spit it out, but still, I know you’ve had gravy and who knows what else. I hope you don’t end up allergic to everything. If you do, it’s totally grandma’s fault.


Before smiles were fleeting and hard to get from you (unless you were looking at grandpa, that man can make any baby do his bidding, I think he has some kind of evil ray) but now smiles are abundant and with them can come real laughs. I don’t care how much you laugh, it always makes me giggle too, which makes you laugh harder. It’s pretty funny.


I think you’re not growing quite as fast as you were, but we’ll find out for sure tomorrow when we head to the doctors and they poke you and make you cry and maybe me too. Jerks.
The weather is really starting to warm up so you’re spending more time hanging out in your onesies with no socks on. It’s funny because now we can all see your chub rolls.


You are still very friendly, which is good because I hear that in a few months you’ll be less social but you’ll all ready know all your babysitters.
I’m trying hard to teach you to talk (big emphasis on mamama, so learn that one) but you’ll have none of it. You’re all about the ‘ah’ with the sometimes ‘ga.’ But I now know when those people on American Idol say “I was singing before I could talk” that it’s a bunch of crap. They were making long vowel sounds before they could talk, which is no indicator of vocal greatness. But I’m sure you’ll win American Idol season 35 when you’re 18 and I’ll think you’re amazing now matter what. You mostly practice your American idol tryouts on the changing table. I don’t know what it is about having a naked butt that makes you so noisy, but even when you’re half asleep in the middle of the night you still like to start singing. It makes me giggle.


It’s still tearing me up that you have your other mothers while I’m working at a job that means less than nothing to me while you grow up without me. We spend some good time together in the evenings before bed, but I still I miss so much. I feel bad for Daddy because he is working so much and I know that he misses you, yet he still doesn’t want to wake up and feed you at 3 am, he’s funny that way.


We’ve made it half a year now and so far so good, baby. Now that your 6 month probationary period is over with, I think that we’ll keep you.

Love you pretty girl,
Mama

Made you out of clay

So I found a dreidel this morning in the parking lot. I walked passed it, but knew that I had to turn back because I've always wanted my own dreidel! So picked it up. It is not so awesome, it looks like it's been abused, but I shall love it until the day I forget about it or throw it away.

I'm.......back!

So, can you believe that I completely forgot about blogger when I was looking for new blogging environments? I've been using myspace like a moron! I haven't posted here for almost 2 years! incredible. Although I remember not liking the little hoops I had to jump through it get a new entry posted, I know now that myspace is the worst, most terrible way to be blogging, so i guess from now on, I'll just post a link to my blogger site when I make a new entry. I doubt I have that many friends anyway.

But don't worry, I'm cooking up a post for my daughter's 6 month birthday! it should be good reads all the way around. But for now, just bask in her glory. Wow look how little she used to be!

Five Months

Little girl, you're not so little anymore. You are positively heavy when I'm trying to lift you and your monster car seat. Of course I had to have the bigger seat because it was so darn cute, I didn't know it was also impractical. Your personality is also getting bigger. The screaming is wearing thin, but now the giggles are commonplace and you love attention (just like your mommy!) You're starting to be okay playing by yourself in the mornings. I'll walk past your room and see that you're completely awake and just looking quietly at your hands or watching the world or me.
Being back at work I feel like I miss so much, I miss you during the day while I'm gone and when I get home in the evening you need constant attention or you get pretty cranky, not like the mornings when you're mostly an angel (I don't know what dad is talking about when he tells me you won't let him put you down and he can't get anything done.)
You're still anti-tummy time but I refuse to let your hollering dissuade me from letting you build muscles in your back. I think your lack of lots of tummy time is one reason why you don't roll over yet. Have I mentioned that I worry about that everyday? I do. I know that every child develops at different rates, but I'm sure that you are absolutely refusing to become mobile in any way shape or form because you want us at your beck and call to move you, or reposition you or take you to new places. If you're still not moving at 9 months, you're on your own kid, no way I'm carting you around forever.
You are starting to outgrow some of your 6 month clothes and I'm so sad. You had so many cute outfits, once your into your 9 month outfit, half your closet will be boxed up and then I may have to start buying you new outfits rather than relying on the shower gifts! I'm trying to talk daddy into actually putting you into an outfit each day or changing you from yesterdays outfit, but he baulks at that since most of the time he refuses to put your pants back on after a diaper change as you're just going to get wet again, why bother? Boys. You'll learn that they are very lazy.
You started solid foods! Sort of. About 2 weeks ago I gave you the tiniest bit of rice cereal mixed with so much formula that it was probably more like soup than solids, but you're just learning, I figure it's all solid for you. The first few time I don't think you swallowed very much, but now you've decided that you want to gnaw on the spoon when I stick it in your mouth, so I think more of the cereal is making it to the back of your throat. Someone suggested that I get one of those bottle-things that you can use for solid mushy foods, but really, if you're suppose to be learning what to do with the solid foods, doesn't that defeat the purpose? Your not underweight, you eat fine, so I'm not going to force feed you. You can thank me later.
We're looking into daycare. We haven't approached Abuela Virginia yet but chances are we are going to have to leave you in the care of strangers at least a few days a week once daddy finds employment. And unfortunately it could be a long term decision, or around a year anyway. I know that lots of moms have to work outside the home to help support the family, but I don't want to have to one of them, I'm just praying that dad finds something that can support all of us, and soon.
It's been a great 5 months, you're growing healthy and strong, and you're a delightful little snot who makes me laugh everyday. Although I already miss snuggly little newborn Hayley, I'm excited to hang out with the new little person that you're becoming.
Love,
Mama

Welcome to month 4

Hayley,
This last month has been so much fun but it is also the ending of my being there for you almost all the time. I go back to work full-time tomorrow and I'm really sad about that. I know I'm going to miss so many moments.
Like when you laughed a real laugh on the 18th. Usually you still giggle and squeal, but that was a real laugh, when I caught you unsuspectingly with a quick tickle.
You've grown so much, I'm just hoping to get through all your different outfits at least once before you've outgrown them. You're almost twice as big as when you were born.
You've gotten your first tastes of real food with peppermint crème and syrup and you sucked on a cantaloupe and pulled such a face, so obviously, just like mommy, you're not a fan of that melon.
You still love to stand and always want everyone to let you see what's going on. You're such a happy baby, especially in the mornings. You will watch sometimes just watch me workout and think it's the best thing. You still love the TV and I'm thinking that you dad and I are going to need to limit our TV consumption so that you're less of a junkie. That's how much we love you; we'll sacrifice watching TV which is one of our favorite things.
Your little personality is just thriving. You love to gurgle and be the center of attention. You're okay with strangers most of the time and you really love your grandmas and every time Grandpa Larry says "what do you say to grandpa?" you get a huge smile on your face.
You've already turned your dad into a puddle of goo, he'll ignore people who are trying to have conversations with him so he can talk to you and play with you.
You love to kick your legs and squirm whenever you get your diaper changed and you love having naked time. I've tricked you whenever you take a bath, I drain the water and let you think you're still playing while I dry you off so that you aren't too upset to be removed from your play time.
You're grabbing at things, but it seems you always get my knife or fork when I'm trying to eat. You have little dagger fingernails that you scratch me with will trying to grab my arm.
I can't wait to see what you do this month.
Love you!
Mom

3 months

Hayley,
This has been a really good month. Your screaming time has gone down considerably and now you really smile. Real smiles. You know me and sometimes I'm the only one who can calm you down and get you to sleep. Of course some nights only Daddy can do that, but mostly it's me. You're starting to sleep for longer periods of time at night. Almost through the whole night depending on when you ate. It's blissful to wake up and it's 5 am instead of 2 am.
Your hair is growing but not very fast and I'm still unable to get that ponytail elastic into your hair.
You spend lots of time with your grandparents. They take turns like good grandparents and each get you once a week while I'm at work.
You really don't like your car seat, you made me carry you through the store yesterday and boy, you're a heavy little snot.
At your 2 month appointment you were 11 1/2 pounds and I'm sure you are much heavier now, although it doesn't seem like you eat very well, you must be doing something right. Although maybe the milk just has so much chocolate running through it, maybe you only need a sip.
You are bigger then the other girls your age and I'm starting to have to box up some of your newborn outfits. You love taking a bath and spend the time staring at your beautiful reflection in the mirror.
We're liking the cloth diaper thing still and even Grandpa Larry will put them on you.
Aunt Summer babysits you often and you aren't very good for her most of the time, but for some reason she still thinks that you're cute.
You sit in your little chair and bat at the little animal rattles and love it, your coordination is getting much better and you almost always hit one if you wack at them. You're getting so close to giggling, it's like it's just on the tip of your tongue but you can't figure it out yet. You're also a TV junkie, you really love that happy picture box of people always talking to you and bright colors. There goes our resolution to not let you watch too much TV.
This month has been great and it's only getting better.
love you,
Mom

The Endless Succession

The shrimp told me to. And when I say “the shrimp” I’m not talking about the guy that works on the second floor who should think more seriously about platform shoes. I’m talking about the little pink guys that live in the ocean. Last Thursday I was watching The Apprentice, as I always do on Thursdays, when my program was interrupted by a message. It was the shrimp. I received a message that they need liberation from the fish-eaters down at red lobster and other sea food offering restaurants. I was sure this was a joke, a farce; someone was going to pop out from behind the curtains and tell me I was on candid camera. But no such luck. Then the shrimp spoke my name. (Oh? Didn’t you think shrimp could speak? They have tiny voices that they amplify with voice box speakers. These mostly fail to work under the water, so most fresh caught shrimp do not have their amplifiers with them to tell the fisherman to release them.) I knew that this was no laughing matter. I was given my instructions.
Let me tell you something about shrimp. They are idealists, the whole lot of them. They believe in peace and work in nonviolent ways to accomplish their goals, but they have watched our kind and the ways we behave. They’ve studied us for centuries, because the only way to defeat your enemy is to understand him. For years after mankind started walking around the shrimp watched us with amusement. They had been a civilized society for thousands of years before we ever picked up a rock. When man began fishing the shrimp became aware of the threat to the ocean. They personally weren’t threatened as our fishing techniques were very primitive and they only had to worry about us stepping on them at that time. But then we started tools and fire and it all went down hill from there.